Category Archives: match report

Match Report – 4th April 2019

5-3(?) v Harchester
CB(1?),DC(3,mom),CG, RH, TH, TK,TW(1?)

holy crap, what a game.

So the nannas came into this one on a hot run of form sitting third on the table. Our opposition were siting in second, just above us, but with an unbeaten record. Harchester are a team we’ve played plenty of times in the past, they go pretty hard and it always gets a little heated, sometimes more so than than others. The Celtic hoops have some skilful players and aren’t shy to shoot from outside the box so we knew we’d have our work cut out for us. But holy freaking crap did the Nannas stand up. We totally stepped them the fuck back. So much so that there was never really any doubt. Often the Nannas can go ahead by a couple of goals yet retain an uneasy sense of impending collapse. But not this game, not this night. We freaking bossed this shit and the longer it went on the more frustrated the opposition became, the more kicky and petulant, to the point were it actually started getting totally out of hand. Tao had his legs scythed out from under him, the Coach got slammed so hard he was doing kind of barrel rolls through the air and at one point their goalie through a ball at the author’s head! There were also some big knocks the other way, the ginger haired viking went down a couple of times, once to the sound of slippery slack jaw clacking. It was fucked up, the ref had totally lost control and the game was finally cut short by about a minute to avoid any further escalation of violence.

Afterwards we went to Howler for beer, combustion and the talking of shit. But the game had been so epic and our performance so heroic and the pints so threefold that a cohort of extra brown musketeers made a secondary push to Joe’s for another pint and a final cheeky pot. And as the night was still only young, well actually it was 2AM by this point, the MOM made a tertiary drop-in to Top Shelf™ for a last frisky nightcap and a touch of the archival vapours… suffice to say there were hangovers.

holy crap, what a game.

match report – March 28 2019

11-2 v The Eunuchs
cb(1), dc(8 mom), ec(2), rh, tk, tw, prince

An historic game. Not since the days of yore, whence the Nannas graced the Albert Park pits, has a goal haul of such gargantuan girth been recorded. In fact a pendulous collection of this magnitude has never before been seen in the Nannas ledger.  Until this game the most goals scored by a single Nanna in a single match was a brace of hat-tricks , the noble sextet *snigger*. A fact almost enshrined in the MOM voter that, like a standard die, only goes up to 6. A quick sweep of The Book of Nanna failed to illicit any hard proof but it is the understanding of the author that the lofty hexad of goals has been secured on only 3 occasions hence, all in the dim mists of the primordial days of the pits. There have been fours and even the odd five from time to time but nary a 6 in at least a decade. And then this. Not a 6, nor even a 7, neh, this was; an Octave, that miraculous gift of physics to music;  a Byte, that elegant and efficient binary grouping of bits; The Ogdoa, the “little holy number” of the Pythagoreans;  Infinity on it’s side! That’s right people, 8, 8 freaking goals! It was so impressive, the captain bought the author a pint of beer, chasby took a team photo* with his wet plate collodian camera and then we all went home.

 

*still unposted

Match Report Thursday 21st February 2019

armpit deep in shit

7-2 v Dynamo Tehran, Brunswick Secondary
CB (2), DC (5, m), CG, RH, TH, TW

2019 is really proving to be quite the nostalgia trip. Drinking beer at the Lounge; playing retro arcade games; going to ACMI. And tonight’s game of futsal totally went there with a veritably archival display from the Nannas against our old friends Dynamo Tehran. This was golden era Nannas, like David Milch was show running the game, like Vince Gilligan was writing our moves. 

It started off slow, keeping the audience expectations low, the Nannas going a goal down early on. But then the Coach, finding himself on the right of midfield with nowhere to go, opted for a scoop pass over the top. The author followed the graceful arc of the ball over his right shoulder, at which point the script called for an outlandish waist height half volley, like that was going to happen, but it’s actually the early 2000s now and the Nannas aren’t middle-aged old farts anymore and bang, in it goes, unbelievable. But to keep the audience guessing Vince now throws in a second goal for the Bike Powered Iranians. Ooooooo. The Nannas rose tinted fairytale has clouded over. But no, freaking hell no, freaking hell-will-freeze-over-before-I-wear-clothes-I-didn’t-personally-scrounge-out-of-massive-bin-and-pay-for-by-the-kilo-in-the-90s no… this is not how it is going to go. The rose tinted fairytale is going to become a vermillion saturated orgy of engorged goals, golden showers of golden era massive testicular defensive impenetrablity. 

As the credits roll on our standard definition 4:3 dreamscape the camera pans past the scoreboard. In bright red LED (because although it’s really 2003, strangely, LEDs are already in widespread use for scoreboards) we see the numeral 7 and the numeral 2. We hear the cheering of the crowd and we can almost hear the smiles on the faces of the Nannas. Like some kind of hot tub time machine the Nannas have been rinsed in the glories of the past, bathed, cleansed and spun out with the sparkling glow of a vintage win against an old and noble foe.

From there we moved to an EXT – NIGHT shot of bikes sliding through the brunswick balm towards a thursday porterhouse at the retreat (Tao got jibbed), pints of beer (Tao got anti-jibbed with the first round of Panhead pale ale) and a presage for the Coach and the Author of the combustion apocalypse that was going to engulf Chasbenis™ on his birthday paddle… oh dear.

MATCH REPORT – 14 Feb 2019 – VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE

ATT: CB, TW, DC(2), EC(1), CG (MOM), RH, AW (dining only) and JM

NANNAS 3 versus CHEFFY FC 5

 

It definitely wasn’t a massacre. We were in it up til the last second.  Well, pretty much.

We walked onto the court with the newest of all Nanna’s Jason Monty. And a fine pick up he was. Fast, turning nothing into something, nearly incredible, several times.

We started with purpose until a crossbar shot of theirs bounced off our good looking goalie and then went back into the goal. A disappointing beginning. Then they got another and then the Brown Men awoke. The  change up was immediate. We realised that Elliot was probably older than some of the other players. They had a forward who looked VERY young. Maybe 16, but of course was amazing. They obviously came down from first division and hadn’t played some one who had ever seen the 70’s.

They had INCREDIBLE turning ability and put it into play often. But that didn’t stop the Nanna’s from scragging our way back into the game. We came within a goal at the end and then they got their last and they drew away. But we kept the pressure on right up to the end. We were BROWN and PROUD. A lion would have roared somewhere in the world last night between 7:20pm and 8pm.

How was Tao’s anger you ask? First game back for 2 months? He was gentle like a catholic priest. As sweet as a mother in laws kiss. And demure as David Lee Roth. It was great to have him back on the hustle. No one has the hustle like the little feet of Weis. Cocky and Captain did their thang, . Chassy tried to impress Jason (sorry Jim) and Elliot played like a 29 year old. (First year Nanna’s TM) and scored! Oh, Dan got two. Pretty much….

Post match our numbers changed as Chassy ran off with Jason somewhere….and we were joined by the recently retired (for a year) Andy “The Greek” Wong. As MOM I took it apon myself to order for the boys at the local Vietnamese, Green Fields. I got a 7.

 

 

Match Report 29 Nov 2018

7-6 v Phil with the Big Moustaches’s Pink Team from the League Above Us Due to a Forfiet

dc(3,M), ec(2), cb(2), rh, th(GK), tw,  aw(AC), sb (supporter)

Great game Nannas. It was a forfeit for so we had the points in the bag and Phil with the big moustache’s men in pink had already played a game beforehand but still, it was great game. Complete with comebacks and a narrowly averted reverse comeback draw. 3rd String Goalie Sir Coachalot was massive in goals, shutting shit down with the ancient reptilian back brain hockey goalie muscle memory. Chasbian was the hustle master, harrying and hounding those in vermillion, forcing turnovers left and right and slotting home a couple of tidy little numbers to boot. Toaser was also in fine hustling form and worked the wide channels to great effect. Elliot brought his usual youthful energy and some deft foot skills, at one point taking a long ball from the coach and turning two of the opposition in one fluid move before sliding the ball into the bottom left corner of the goal. The Captain was a constant outlet, making run after run and peppering the goal from both flanks. The MOM managed a hatrick but also a few wayward passes and a couple of should-have-looked-and-passed-instead-of-shooting-from-halfways. Sol was a vocal supporter and Wal turned up for the second half earning another badge for his Holy Order of Arse Coaches Cassock. The game was also documented in a rare moment of mid 2000s gopro flashback (followed by the mandatory day of javascript fumbling trying to write an auto-retiming algorithm)

post game we went to the Retreat for cheap steaks and some suspiciously thin Steam Ales.

post pub we went to Gello Bar ( Chasbian’s failed attempt to distract from the Slurpees that Sol and El were angling for) where Tao tried the Avergae, apparently a mix of Averna and Algae “You wouldn’t think it would work, but it does”.

meanwhile: Robert Mueller appears to be closing in on Individual One as Michael Cohen admits to lying. Labor absolutely smashed the Victorian election, which is good for  a solar rebates. Michael Kroger ( who I think might have some indigenous ancestry, which would be deeply ironic) has resigned after Jeff Kennet said he should on live TV. Knickers the cow (steer) is actually quite big and Arsenal finish top o father group in the Europa League with a game to spare. Perhaps most importantly though Andy ‘Walmartin’ Wong, the Life Coach’s Life Coach, dropped a bit of a bombshell of this own, yes, a blatant heritage violation, removing a drunken chimney from his property, outrageous. He also mentioned that his appearances on the court of battle may be significantly reduced due to osteoarthritis in his big toe. It sounds a lot like some kind of greek euphemism but apparently it’s true. Some fluid came out when Andy’s bone went in ? or something like that. In any case it would appear that Andy’s HOAC cassock and brown tie may be getting more of a workout than usual… RIP in the chat.

ps. it was Sillustani in Peru with the crazy awesome pre-incan funeral towers, but I can’t find any definitive internet proof that the name refers to the bit of land where the chulpas are located being shaped like a “toe” poking into the lake…

 

Match Report – 4 oct 2018

Image result for dukes of hazzard

9-2 v The Titans
DC(4m), RH(2or3), TW(3or2), AW, TK

Well, what a game. the flurry was titled The Regroup Flurry following the previous week’s abject forfeit* and what a way to regroup. With only a tight 5 in attendance there was initial concern about when we would run out of legs (as befits a team whose members are rapidly approaching the half century). But the opposition turned out to be only 10 years younger and perhaps a rung or two down on the futsal skills ladder. Those 5 – tightest of tight, brownest of brown, nannaest of nanna – freaking dominated. The goals were veritably raining in, with a goodly portion coming via the classic 2 on 1 tap-in. The author (if he does say so himself) was channelling Eden Hazard with his striking accuracy, picking corners of the net, as in actually aiming for them, and then slotting the ball exactly where it was meant to go. Like playing pool on about the 4th beer where every shot is just coming off. Of course the fact that the opposition didn’t really do a lot of running back and the goalie didn’t really come off his line… be damned, it was freaking Eden Hazard** out there. The Captain and Taoser tucked away 5 between them (I can’t remember who got the hattrick), Andy was tackling like a machine, especially their one very large aggressive ginge and Kondo was imperious as usual in goal, particularly in the close quarters hand to hand combat situations. what a game.
Après we went to curry cafe and did a lot of waiting but were finally rewarded for our well worn patience with some delicious Indian and red ales. there was talk of camping and renovations, crap black mirror seasons, flotation chambers. Nannas were shocked to discover other nannas don’t have netflix subscriptions. Brett the douchebag crybaby Kavanaugh was rightly talked shit about and Mr Trump continued to flabber everyone’s gasts. The coach spent his birthday cleaning up vomit.

commentator 1:  “It’s called a grand final”
commentator 2:  “yep”

* I think there have only been 2 forfeit’s in the last 18 years, so this was the third… those involved shall remain nameless but shall hang their heads in shame.

** I love Eden Hazard. Not only does he have the maddest skills (and a very low centre of gravity) but whenever he scores a goal instead of thanking jesus he smiles impishly and sticks out his tounge.

16 August ‘18—dukes up match report

ATT: CB, DC, EC, CG, JH (MOM), RH, AW

Nannas 9 plays B West 2

Preamble: it was my penultimate day at the Department, and as so often happens in this situation everyone wanted me to do something for them. To shake this off I went visiting Jezza at the Great Northern for a couple of drinks and smokes.

I did think I may have overdone it as I was feeling just a little jaded riding up to Brunswick but once I arrived I seemed to perk up somewhat. I dunno if it was the stadium, the sight of fit young men playing soccer, or just being in the presence of Nannas. Whatever it was, I started to really feel like playing.

The game: the opposition were five; there were a man down but had a ringer. We were seven. Tao had his times all mixed up and had to do the late extraction but El was more than willing to deputise, that is, after he digested his KFC but let us not hold his dietary choices against him. In those first five minutes El was our shining light. While most of the Nannas lumbered across the court, El belied his tender years and flew from confrontation to challenge, from pass to intercept, and then got our first goal. In these early stages in the match, when we went two goals down, he almost single-handedly brought us back into the game.

It was also El, displaying this same exuberance of youth, that led to a major flashpoint. It was about 10 minutes in and El was hustling and bustling this dude for the ball. Chassy was also there trying to wrest it away as well. El challenged, and then he challenged a third, fourth, and fifth time. Eventually the whistle blew and when it did there was the normal disengagement of bodies, but also the need of opponent to detach from opponent, you know, give him the good ol’ chest push. El gave him one, the dude gave him one back. This is where it would usually end with one or two parting words and a couple of dirty looks shot in the other person’s general direction but on this occasion the dude decided that wasn’t enough for him and that the throwing of blows would be a more fitting finale to their small, and seemingly innocuous meeting. He put his dukes up.

Unsurprisingly Nannas were seen hauling arse from everywhere. In fact, it was the quickest most had seen them moved all night. Phil to his credit stepped in, flashed his red card in the face of the dude and his up-pointed dukes and that was that.

The big question on everyone’s lips after this was: would the Nannas be able to make them pay? Would we hold the ball, pass it around, use the extra man to our advantage, or would we throw it away, pass to no one and just generally fuck ourselves? Well, let’s just say that it was a lot of former and a little of the latter. Yes, there were some few shit moments of play where we couldn’t seem to hold onto it, but for the most part our passing was on target, our teamwork was shit hot and we went on to score eight goals, effectively cutting them up.

Of course, their ringer decided at half time that he would desert the sinking ship that was B West, but Joel did come on for them, and so did one of those very crafty and skilful Iranians but we were too good.

I do remember some great goals: by father and son duo Cocky and El; a couple of toe pokes by yours truly; a fine ball from El setting up the right foot volley also by yours truly; but then there was the full length cross-court pass, with a header to finish.

Yes, this was the goal of the game (which probably earned me MOM) but it was a goody. Gilla fed me at the back. One of their players rushed forward to close me down but I could see Cocky in space at the other end of the court, a couple of metres to the left of goal. I pinged it long and hard, figuring that Cocky would pull it down, turn and shoot. He did nothing of the sort. He threw his sizable melon at it, connecting just at the right angle to force the ball into the back of the net. Cocky did mention after the game that their keeper was well out of position but still, it was a great goal.

Match report 22 06 18 part 2

Doris day said it first in 1952
‘The melon on the vine is ripe, mr Tap Toe’

It’s easy to gloss over such a lyric as a simple rhyme to
‘Sharper than an old tin-type, Mister Tap Toe’ but if you take the time to unpack these simple words you find a truth that cuts to the heart of the Nannas.

What Doris wants us to see is that when anything is in its prime it needs to be capitalised upon or it will fall to the ground and rot, attracting insects and vermin. What Doris would have seen on the 21 July 2018 is a group of men PEAKING. A team reaching its zenith, a tightly honed unit that needs to be picked from it’s vine, peeled and presented on a platter.

It is our time, it is our place, this is our year and our season. I feel plump and juicy, squeeze me and feel the ripeness.

21 June ‘18 triple MOM match report—part 1

ATT: CB, DC, JH (MOM), RH (MOM), TK, TW (MOM), AW

Nannas 5 plays Green guys 5

This was one of the best games that I can remember the nannas playing for a while. We really should have won but it was one of those things: we went behind, we fought back, they fought back, we weren’t going to let them best us, they kept coming.

Early in the piece it did feel like the Nannas were in for a long night, as we easily gave up possession in mid field and the boys in green strung together about four or five cross-court passes only to find the net at the end of it.

This early goal, however, only seemed to steel the Brown Men to their task. After that we held the ball (the control was huge as compared to the previous week), we passed effectively (hitting our targets time and again), we ran our socks off (Coach would have been proud), and we defended stoutly (about half a dozen times the Green Boys found it hard to find a player).

Then we got our first; I received the ball just outside their area with my back to goal, one-on-one (can’t remember who fed it to me). I turned my man and put in the far corner.

Then the Captain got one. Their keeper was slow clearing his lines, Hinkley could sense it and was on the hunt. He shut him down, the ball spilling to his feet and then he slotted home.

I can’t really recall most of the opposition’s goals but I am pretty sure the pattern was, after those first three goals and we went 2-1 up, they would equalise only for us to pull ahead again.

Anyway, so then it was Tao’s turn to shut down the keeper. Again their shot stopper was slow to clear, and perhaps underestimated the power and fury of his opponent, for as everyone knows Tao can bring both in abundance. Tao got in his face, read the direction he was going to go and when their keeper tried to hoof it downfield and to safety Tao was all over him and from the resulting ricochet the ball found the back of the net.

Next up was the Cock, who I was trying to coerce more movement out of (channelling the Coach). He must have heard me, because, in the very next moment, as I turned to my head following the ball, he had slipped under the radar to position himself perfectly in front of goal. When the ball was duly delivered, he, very stylishly, back heeled it for our fourth.

Cocky also laid on our fifth, with a perfectly weighted ball down the right. I was actually running to the middle and had to change direction and for a minute thought I wouldn’t get there but the pass was millimetre perfect: it drew the keeper out but at the same time allowed me enough time to slip it past him and into the bottom right corner.

Notes:

Note to Chassy: not sure why no one voted for you, you played okay, but probably best not to give me a big hug so close to kick off, you almost had me in tears.

Note to Kondo: some great distribution and fine shot stopping (as per usual); we just have to work on you drawing the man.

Note to Wal: keep making those backdoor runs, it’s always a delight to see you convert from that position.

Note to Hinkley: make those headers count; that’s the second you’ve missed recently.

Note to Cocky: stop looking so hang-dog, it really doesn’t suit you.

Note to Tao: thanks for some great post-match hosting of the Socceroos game, and just thanks for everything.

14 June ‘18 in memory of Pat Hannan match report

ATT: JH, TH, TK, AW, the two Jameses (the Headmaster and Mr Mercer)

Nannas 4 plays RMIT 12

At the end of work, I must admit I was thinking of going home. I was feeling pretty shit. Then I left work and it was a crappy outside too. It was dark, well windy, and it had that feeling that it might piss down at any moment (more on that later).

But, I dragged myself up to see Jezza. The last couple of weeks, he’d been a bit down himself with his broken leg and all but tonight he was somewhat better and it was good to see him. We went through our usually pre-game ritual; things started to turn around.

For a start, the ride from the Great Northern over to the game was ah-fucking-mazing. It was downhill most of the way, I had the wind coming over my right shoulder, and I was h!gh as a k!te sailing through Princes Park, down past the Juvenile detention centre and then up near the Coach’s old house.

I arrived at the end of the first half of the game before ours and one of the Dynamo Tehran boys asked if I either Andy or I would come on, as one of their players had gone down injured. After my ride, it was exactly what I needed; to get out and keep moving, and get rid of some of the pent up sadness that had been accumulating over the previous week.

I hit three goals for them. Issy on the sideline kept telling me to save it for the Nanna game but the ball kept rolling my way and I kept shooting. That first game ended up 8-4 in our favour.

Then the Nanna game started. I was feeling similarly into it but unlike the previous game we didn’t have as much control, and, crucially, the opposition was somewhat better. On about six or seven occasions we gave away the ball in mid court/our back half and they gratefully accepted the invitation to score.

One gets the feeling that if we weren’t so sloppy in possession we would have been a lot more competitive.

Afterward, we went back to the Great Northern to watch footy (Port versus Dogs). As per usual, I had to leave prematurely to catch my train home. Tommy came out with me, as he had put my bike on the roof of his car, and as we walked to where he had parked the heavens opened.

I was in a quandary: I couldn’t not go, but in that downpour I was going to be soaked within a minute or two, so I asked Tommy if he would give me a lift. Tommy did hesitate, mainly because him, Gilla and I had just visited the funk hole outside only minutes before, and I think he was a bit unsure of how he would handle driving in his state in a torrential rain storm.

He wasn’t the wrong. The windscreen wipers were on full tilt but were only half getting the job done. There were little rivers running over the road, making the lines almost impossible to see. And Tommy was playing some melodic, brain messing Stinky Jim tunes, which were making things only more confusing. But then there was the Nissan Micra of Safety. Oh thank fuck for that little white car that drove slowly just in front of us, leading us all the way down Rathdown and into the city, by which time the water falling from the sky had lessened. And thank fuck for the Coach too.

In loving memory of ‘Pat’ Patrick Francis Hannan: 25-12-1943 to 6-6-2018.

31 May 18 Goalie point-of-view match report

ATT: CB, DC, EC, JH, RH, TW

Nannas 3 plays New Team 5

Yes, I was selected to play in goalie on this evening, given that I put my hand up to do it.

We were pitted against the New Team. They were dressed in white.

The Nannas were six: five regulars, with the reliable Ides filling the now customary vacant sixth spot (I’m sorry if that seems like a negative statement; it’s not meant to be).

The game was decided in the first ten minutes; the New Team swiftly scoring four goals. This was mainly the result of marking leaving our fourth string, and somewhat clumsy, keeper exposed.

After this initial flurry we did tighten up our defence significantly but the damage was done.

The new team only got one more goal, which was the last one, sealing the result.

We got three but were largely ineffectual in attack.

As keeper, I had an interesting view of the game. Here are some of my thoughts:
• The Nannas need to belie their name and collective age, especially early in the game and especially in defence. In those first five to ten minutes, there were some Nannas in defence that seemed to get lost on court, almost to the point of not knowing why they were there in the first place: he wanders here, he looks there, he wonders about the meaning of life, he scratches his stubble, he tries to look focused and like he knows what he’s doing but don’t let it fool you.
I tried to wake these bewildered souls up with some judicious and very loud yelling (a quick point here about my shouting: I accept that I need to tone it down and will try to do so in the future but contrary to what was said post game [that I was screaming at people in the heat of the moment and that made some confused], I would postulate that a lot of Nannas were already very perplexed and my yelling was after the fact, trying to warm these muddled souls to the simple task of picking up a man), which seemed to work after a fashion.
• Never let it be said that the Nannas will let anything get in the way of a good chin wag: before the game, during the game, after the game, at the pub, there is always something to chat about. And you’d have to say that we have this same vacuity on court, albeit in something of a different fashion. There is a collective silence when defending, so much so that the Captain actually didn’t believe me three times (check your Bible) when I said that I had told a certain Nanna to pick someone up. Then he told me to be shut it when I tried to get up someone after about three of the opposition broke free in attack. Curious. This same code of silence applies to our attack too. There is no ‘time’, ‘have a shot’, ‘bring it back’, ‘clear it’. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating here a little but I do think it’s true that the Nannas need to be a lot more verbal on court.
• There was no penetration. The Nannas have never lacked for virility, so says Chris Gill, but maybe he wasn’t talking about our probing ability, on court that is. On this evening, the percentage of completed passes from the goalie to outfield Nannas was high, something in the order of 90% (I would estimate). Yet, even though we had lots of ball, and a lot of the time this ball was in advantageous situations, we couldn’t do much with it. There are various things going on here:
-We do lose the ball a lot. This tends to be either as a result of over-eager attacking play where we try something too ambitious for our limited foot skills, or we think we have to move it on quickly and then kick to no one, or a combination of the two. We also lose it because there isn’t a Nanna who can stop and control play, knowing when to go forward, when to retreat, when to stop.
-We do not move. This was very evident in the second half (although I do remember the Captain making a number of industrious runs down the right). Coach has been on at us for ages about his, and, while Tom can be statuesque in his own play, he is right. Watch any good basketball team and the one thing you notice is that they constantly try to get their opposition out of position through continual movement. Sure, some Nannas hardly manage a trot at times but any such effort should be at the service of getting free of your marker.
-There is still a lack of cohesion about the Nannas. I know what you’re thinking: are you fucking serious? Yes I am. Even though we have played together for 15+ years we still are a bit disjointed in attack/defence/general play.

Post game eating. The Captain took us to some very reasonably priced but extremely tasty Vietnamese, where we asked Ides boring questions about his final two years of school. He was much enthused.

Match Report – Minor Final – 17 May 2018 (by Elliot)

🕗 Thu, May 17, 2018 – 08:00 PM🔸 Brunswick – Court 1 ⚽ FC Dalles – MINOR FINAL

Coach (1), Chazzy, 📣 Captain (ass coach), Kondo (GK), Elliot, Tao, Jim, Le Coq (1), Sol (supporter)

In the first few seconds of the game a flailing fist caught me on the lower lip, blood gushed from the wound and splattered onto the floor. I stared at the man who had just injured me, concentrating hard, I reached out with my mind, I could feel his consciousness, a cold lump of unintelligence just floating there… and then it was gone. I had worked my way to his primary nerve bundles and shut off the protein chain that signals neurotransmitters to be released which immediately shut down his nervous system as messages could not be passed across the synaptic gap which rendered his entire being useless. He slumped to the ground like a life sized human statue made of jelly that had just been taken out of its mould. I had gotten my revenge. No one would ever know it was me that had put an end to his life except him.

Match Report 2018_05_10

vs Dynamo Tehran (Loser’s Semi-Final)
9-2 Victory
CB 4, DC 3, EC 2, TW, CG, TK

(To be read aloud in the style of a pirate or a swashbuckler)

Ole Big Burly Chest wasn’t there

It didn’t matter

Cos we was

There.

Oh yes we were, we were there with bells on,

Raining goals down upon them

Like a rainstorm,

An unholy tempest.

Nay we were.

’tis the truliest thing i ever spake.

Ay.

Dat’s roight.

Oh we won it.

We won it roight up in ’em.

Ah we did.

Left me happy all the next day.

Happy as a lark.

As sunshiny as a new born son.

All happy and squelchy and shiny.

Dat’s roight.

We beat ’em good nar.

Match Report – March 8th 2018 – by Elliot

прошлый четверг нанны сыграли матч против Гарри Поттера. Риан забил хет-трик, а нянцы выиграли 5 – 2. Гарри Поттер пытался пробить шестнадцатилетний (он был очень зрелым). После игры мы съели самые изысканные тако.

Third person match report: 22 Feb 2018

Someone 6 plays Nannas 0

Att: CB, DC, JH, RH, TH, TK, TW

Introductory comments:
The Nannas were looking to bounce back after a particularly terrible performance the week prior. It wasn’t just the score that looked miserable in hindsight but the way we went about it. Once the Nannas went behind, all our bad habits started to re-emerge: Gilla and Tao had a fight over who was take a free kick, and then carried that into the half time talk, and I had to stand between them to try to get them to focus on more constructive matters; speaking of halftime, we had three people, Gilla, Coach and Captain, all vying to try to give the pep talk (I really hate saying this but if you’ve said something the week before, and the week before that, and the week before that, and what you’ve said is not really that strategic/tactical, maybe it’s time to focus on something else, or just shut up already! I am so sorry); and then Coach and Cocky started arguing about something in the second half (I didn’t catch what they were on about but it did seem a little puerile and a lot pathetic).

So, on the day of this game, Jim wrote a long post on the flurry, and curiously he was only banished for a few minutes. Obviously, he wasn’t trying to be a smart arse, which he often finds hard to resist; instead he was honest in his suggestions that the Nannas should wake up to themselves and stop with the taking themselves so seriously and the grumpy old man routine. It had only been a month or so prior that they had been accused of being bullies, so after seeing this performance he felt compelled to say something.

The game:
Before kick off the Captain pulled everyone close and repeated Jim’s very wise words, telling all Nannas that they needed to look deep within themselves to rediscover their inner child and an Espirit de Nanna, which had been so sorely lacking on a number of occasions over the last months.

The game itself should have gone better for the Nannas. The first two goals against us were entirely preventable; our marking in front of goal from set pieces is at present wholeheartedly shit. Essentially, as happened the week before, we got behind our opposite number, leaving our keeper stranded one-on-one at point-blank range. The Nannas who let these goals in, and they know who they are, who had similar lapses last week, need to sharpen the FUCK up. It might seem obvious to say but if you are not as fast as your direct opponent, it’s probably a good idea to give that player a yard or two.

We probably should have pulled one back during this time. The ball fell most fortuitously to Jim who was standing just outside their defensive perimeter for a corner. He hit it pretty sweet with his big toe. It beat everyone, especially their keeper but cannoned off the back post.

Jim would do this twice more before the end of the game. Once when he was one on one with one of their defenders with the keeper still to beat. He thought about trying to go around the defender but once more unleashed his big toe. Like in the previous instance he beat the keeper but not the crossbar. On a third occasion, he was over to the left. He had found space. Tao picked him out. This time, he used his instep, but much to everyone’s bemusement, while the ball a third time eluded everyone, it seemed only destined to ricochet off metalwork and away from goal. The only other real chance we had was Coach trying to chest home from a corner. While he got his chest in good position, he never really found the angle or a sweet spot from his left nipple; he probably should have gone with the right but it’s a hard shot and Coach would have produced a miracle if he had of pulled it off.

Discussion
One could make the argument that had Jim (and Coach, and maybe Cocky too) converted, the Nannas might have been more competitive and I find this case compelling. It would have given us hope and would have encouraged us to pass more, as we were finding space and did have time on the ball, especially in the first half. What’s more, their third and fourth goals did come from the bounce of the ball going their way but they were able to finish these, unlike Jim.

Moreover, the further we found ourselves behind, the more we exposed ourselves trying the long or miracle ball but most of the time we only succeeded in giving the ball away, which effectively led to their last two goals.

Post match
We went to the Union and talked about Takeshi’s wedding and bucks.

Match Report 2018_02_08

Vs jalãpeno chinos
4-4 draw
Cb 3, dc 1, tw, rh, jh, cg, tk
Cb mom

“It’s a win!” pronounced the captain immediately following tonight’s game. “A draw is a win for us!” he enthused.

For the chinos it seemed more like a loss. Having been recently demoted from div 1 they didn’t seem too happy to be shaking the hands of the nannas as equals on their descent.

We certainly had to fight hard for it. They had some skills, some fitness and they were motivated. But they were up against “ole king lion” at his wiliest. And you need more than just skill, fitness and motivation to wrestle a victory from the giant maw of the king. You also need structure, vision and guile.

Where the nannas lack fitness and occasionally skill, we make up for it with structure, old man wiliness and nearly two decades of experience!

Plus our not so secret weapon. The ultimate goal stopper, the firewall, the Gillkeeper. The keeper of the gill! Sucking oxygen from the atmosphere, the mighty gill feeds its own need for oxygen while depriving the lungs of the enemy. And snuffing out their attacking firepower.

It’s supernatural. The enemy lines up a shot, smashes it in, perfectly weighted, perfectly placed. It is surely unstoppable. No human could stop that ball. But then. Dah duh-duh-duh! The Gill wobble- stretch-leaps like a jellyfish-spider-leopard in all its glory scrubbing the ball from its velocious trajectory and then landing teddy bear like, angelic, in a louche resting pose and patting said ball affectionately and with great pride, a genial smile warmly spreading across his face like the feel of urine in your own pants.

Meanwhile, the anger and frustration cracked the manly masks of the chinos leaving them whimpering and subsiding into pre school paddies and bitter “not fair”s and anguished “that shoulda gone in”s.

A draw! A mighty draw!

18-01-18 Finals Match report (part 1)

Att: JH, RH, TH, AW (Coach)

Nannas 0 plays Bens Babes 25 +

My day was spent at work, publishing web pages, dealing with staff and trying to walk back the Nannas from their rage over perceived poor treatment by Joel. It was an interesting conversation. According to some, the Nannas had been wronged, and the only course open to them was their continued anger and hatred toward their persecutor.
Note: those who felt most aggrieved felt themselves most justified in their position.

Before that we had spent the best part of the week trying to get subs, ring ins, pinch hitters, deputies, old friends, new friends, our kids, players from the opposing team but no one would come to our aid. And so it came to pass that for the first time in the history of the Nannas were a paltry three for a final. Of those we did have not all of us were of sound constitution—the Captain having contracted a virus of the intestinal variety in Vietnam.
Note: the Breaking of Nanna by-law #56 was almost as bad as the now infamous Chasm incident.

It was hot, damn hot. The mercury was well in excess of 40 degree c. The stadium had exhaust fans in full operation but that only brought down the temp to something in the 35–40 range.

We were able to draft in the ref to play in goals for us but he knew as we all did that we were a shadow of our former selves and nothing would prevent the pounding we were about to endure. And so it proved. The opposition had a good seven players, of which they made full made of, and of which they used to excellent effect. They had the ball, they had control, and from a couple of minutes in they had put at least five past us.
Note: the ref stopped tallying the goals only a few minutes into the game, so it is impossible to tell how many they got.

At around the mid-point of the first half, Tom’s mate, Pat, decided, in his mercy, to join our team. It did give us parity in terms of our numbers but it didn’t really help. Pat ran with us, he tried to pass to us, he occasionally took the ball off an opponent and while all of this did help, it really wasn’t ever going to affect the final result.

As the match wore on, and they put more goals past us, they become more and more confident, and we drained our energy and sweat until we had nothing left. Whereas in the first half, we put the occasional pass together, and had a shot or two on goal, in the second stanza all we could do was try not to lose the ball, but when we did the result was the back of our net bulging again and again.
Note: it’s hard to run when you’re hot, out of breath and the opposition is giving you a towelling; it can be even harder when, like the Captain, you’re recovering from severe gastro-intestinal upheaval.

In the end, it was a killing but an honourable one. We brave three were thanked by the opposition for turning up, even though we only had slightly better than half a team.
Note: according to the Coach, Bens Babes hate our guts, and want to do us harm, but on this evening it could be said that we gained their (grudging) respect.

After, we went to the Retreat, and Captain immediately began the rehydration process with pint after of pint of sugar laden drinks, water and the odd beer.
Note: the Captain did look particularly unwell mid-point through the second half.

We did return to the subject of Joel, well, I did. It was pointed out to me that Joel should have more attentive in his referring. I did try to say that this point should have been made calmly but firmly to Joel in the aftermath of the game, and if it wasn’t heeded it should be raised with his supervisor.
Note: the Nannas never really thought of this, which is somewhat surprising.

I then informed the Nannas that in the aftermath of that game they were now considered bullies, and their behaviour had caused anxiety and mental unrest.
Note: beware the GRUMPY NANNA.

Match Report 2017_10_19

vs Lieutenants

lost 2-4

CB, DC 1, CG 1, TW, AW, TK, RH, TH
MOM: CB/DC

The Lieutenants are at the top off the table but we gave them a pretty good run for their money.

In French, the word Lieutenant means place holder. That is, the person who stands in for the captain. The English pronounce it “Leftenant” because they want to distinguish themselves from the French. While the Americans pronounce it “Lootenant” which is actually closer to the French pronunciation.

But. What do I remember from the game? I remember Kondo doing a lot of powerful running. I remember Cocky scoring a phenomenal goal. Oblique angle and slotted like he really meant it. Even the ref was seen nodding his head appreciatively. I remember Gilly scoring a goal. He threw the ball down the court and their keeper tried to pick it up but it snaked between his legs and into the back of the net.

I remember feeling like I had burnt through my fuel, cracked into the reserve tank and then burnt through that. I had to go and open the external door to let some cool breeze onto my overheated system. Then I had to crush up little bits of my soul into pellets and burn those.

I would have been happy to not go on for the last two minutes and let Rhian stay on. But Coach was yelling at me to get on. And so I did.

Tao got a stitch too. So we must have been really pushing it.

I was walking through Docklands this week on Wednesday when I saw a familiar burly chest heading towards me. It was the burly chested guy from Dynamo. We both slowed, recognising each other. I knew he was. He was struggling. Thrust his hand at me and I shook it. “Jarrod” he said. “Soccer” I said. “The Nannas”. And kept walking. Didn’t give him my name.

After the game we took it to Uncle Joe’s. We got the booth. They were serving some archived remnants of Four Pines before they sold out to some big tax avoiding shareholder corporation. It was tasty. And the vibes were good. I remember a lot of laughing. And a lot of advice for Self Help. Gilly was in fine form.

Peace out and keep avoiding massive bolide collisions.

ps. Ok. I have just looked at Cocky’s match report and he reckons we scored three and that I got one of them. Mmm. Wish I could remember.

pps. And Tommy played! Funny, I only remember him coaching. No offence Tommy. I think I mixed some memory tinder into my soul fuel pellets.

ppps. Did anyone see the SBS show on extraordinary people? There is a woman who can remember the details of every day of her life. That would be handy.

postbox match report 19 October 2017

 

19 October 2017, 8:40pm

 

3-4 v Lieutenants

 

DC (1,mom), CG (1), CB (1,mom), RGH, TH, TW, TK, AW

 

the postbox game. like much of the postbox week it’s all a bit of a blur. we played well though and only lacked a touch of luck in front of goal. Coach was doing more yelling than Tao but thankfully didn’t use any gifs on court. Unfortunately, at one point he was so busy yelling Coach failed to realise a tap-in had been put on plate directly in front of him, oh well. Giller really stepped up his distribution with some delightfully weighted throw/pushes (and also, according to shazza, did some equally delightful “cat” jumps). Wal turned up seconds before kickoff and is now watching whales in Byron Bay as only a truly gifted life coach can. sharon kicked a goal ( i think ?) and looked a bit puffed at halftime, rhian, takeshi and the author did some stuff like kicking the ball and running. Tao did do some yelling but not as much as the Coach (and may possibly have scored the goal that I’ve attributed to sharon). Finally, Jim ruined it all by not turning up, something about jizz in his eye… or was it on his shoulders ?

 

After the game we went to uncle joe’s wherein much hilarity issued. chatling drank more beer in the hour we were at joe’s than in the entire beach box, and unsurprisingly had a much better time. giller and coach resorted to the analog voter at which point giller turned into Brian Epstein schooling Self Help on the most efficacious means by which to launch an EP. more laughing and then we went home.

 

Harvey Weinstein is going down. Trump is hyper normally arguing with dead soldier’s widows. Turnbull says the NBN was a mistake but blamed labor while unveiling the coalition’s first attempt at an energy policy in 4 years. half the Nannas have seen Bladerunner V2.0 and a few have finished WestWorld. Do we really think, do we really have memories ? Syrian babies are heartbreakingly starving to death and a bear in Myanmar had its 3kg tongue removed in the midst of the rohingya ethnic cleansing. Incredibly Officeworks honours it’s “lowest price guarantee” on items available online from the book depository, making a plain softcover large moleskine notebook less than half price. The arid garden at the royal botanic gardens is no longer replacing cacti due to theft and the pork rolls from the bot cafe are shit. Leroy Sane is the man and Man City are absolutely monstering the premier league.

what is real ?

nana_masks_tall_small

 

Match Report 2017_09_07

vs Harchester United 2-4 loss

TK, TW 1, CB 1, SB, TK, JH

Mom: SB

It was an exciting and fun experience and I had lots of fun. They were pretty chunky and big but I didn’t get bashed up too much. It was a pretty intense day because I didn’t have school cause of district athletics and then I had soccer training where we played against the under fourteens (lu’s team) and then I played for the Nannas.
Tao and Chazzy got the goals. They were both quality goals. Gillie did some great saves and was unlucky when they went in.
The squad on Thursday was;
Tao, Sol, Gillie, Chazzy, Jim and last but not least Kondo. After the match I got a steak and pepper pie from the seven eleven and it was bloody five bucks. It was revolting and had lots of fat and not much meat, I had mustard with it. Huge mistake, it made it even worse than it already was.
Kondo got shoved from one of the biggest dudes. They were really rough, fortunately they weren’t rough on me thank god. Kondo had a bit of a swollen knee. (By Solomon)

Match Report 15 Jun 2017 – Return of the Pits

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╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱
╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱
╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╲
╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╱
╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱
╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱
╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱
╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲
╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲
╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲
╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲
╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╱
╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱
╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲
╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲
╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱
╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱
╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲
╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱
╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╱
╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲
╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲
╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲
╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱
╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱
╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╲
╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲
╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲
╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╲
╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲
╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱
╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲
╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲
╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╱
╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲
╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱
╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱
╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱
╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲
╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲
╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱
╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱
╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╲
╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱
╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱
╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱
╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲
╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱
╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╱
╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱
╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲
╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱
╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲
╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╲
╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲
╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╲
╲╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲
╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱
╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╲
╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╲
╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲
╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱
╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╲╱╲╱╱╲╱
╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲
╲╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱
╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╲╱╲
╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╲╲
╲╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲
╱╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╱╱╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╲
╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╲╲╲╲╱╱╲╱╱╱╲╲╲╲╲╱╲╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╱╲╲╲

write(String.fromCharCode(0x2571 + Math.round(Math.random())))
after*
10 PRINT CHR$ (205.5 + RND (1)); : GOTO 10

– – – –

4-5 v Harchester – CB,DC,CG,JH,RH,TK,TW
one car drove. pits weirdly dejavu. should have won but lost instead. chief after, more dejavu. chassy got high. tao = northside driving legend. self help demo in car on way home.

– – – –

*   https://vimeo.com/26472518
** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PETSCII

Match Report 20170601

5-11? Loss Vs Bayer Neverlosin

TK (G), DC (1?), JH, TH (C), AW, GM (1), TW (2?(MOM))

deep-dive-knee-torn-mcl

It was a triumphant return after the longest of long times away from my Nanna brethren. Every Thursday for over 3 months I wept knowing that my brown brothers were out there on the frontline fighting the good fight. Winning some and losing others but always putting up by turning up. And me sinking into a couch, tears pouring down my face as I nursed my knee back to health. Mattered not how many hookers nor how much blow I blew, it couldn’t put the kind of smile on my face like the Nanna’s can.

Putting all that misery aside Thursday the 1st of June was my return into the fold. Extremely nervous I entered the arena, legs shaking every so slightly and tasting the smallest amount of sick at the back of my throat. I started out as first sub to allow the adrenaline to build. Finally my 2 minutes were up and I called out for a sub. Hesitantly I ran out and very quickly got into the swing of things. Managing a few passes and the odd dribble here and there. Running hard but holding back ever so slightly as the fear of hearing that pop in my knee again filled me with dread. Fortunately we were playing a very good team that didn’t feel the need to slam into us or push us over. They felt very comfortable running rings around us and kicking goals, many goals.

The final buzzer went and I left the court unscathed. No horrendous cracking noises from my freshly recovered knee. With that I hope to return next week with a little more confidence and gusto.

Thank you for welcoming me back Nanna’s. Peace and Love.

P.s. I might be a bit more vocal this week :-0

Match Report 2017_05_11

vs Lieutenants loss 4-9
CB 1, DC 2, TK (gk), AW 1, RH , TH

 

Well, we lost. Let’s say it loudly: NINE GOALS TO FOUR!

But like Anish Kapoor’s Vantablack (a pigment so dark that it absorbs 99.96 percent of light), this scoreline was not at all reflective (of the match). The scoreline reflected perhaps .04 percent of the true nature of the match.

And like Anish Kapoor’s Vantablack (a material so dark it makes crinkled aluminium appear flat), the scoreline of this match has obscured the vital details and quality of this sporting contest.

Until now.

In retaliation against the malign influence of this truth absorbing scoreline, let us dig a little deeper. Let us reach around behind this eclipsing result and reveal something of the true nature of the competition.

Within the first few minutes of the game the opposition had scored three goals and the Nannas were perfectly placed to come from behind (if you will). And come from behind we did. CB nutmegged a player and slotted a low corner goal. Soon after AW converted another with a lovely finish in front of goals. DC slammed one home and we were back in the game at 3-3. Just before the end of the half we conceded another goal. 3-4 at halftime.

We knew that all we needed to do was get back on the court and slot two quick goals and we would be in the lead. Unfortunately the opposite happened. Lieutenants slotted two quick goals and suddenly they were ahead 6-3. Then a couple more: 8-3. We clawed one back: 8-4. Then they whipped our undies off and made it 9-4.

But we could have beaten them. They kept getting their goals by running a 1-2 off the side kick and getting into space and having a free shot at goals. We kept forgetting that when we are blocking the side kick, we also have to be ready to turn, run and mark the player who has just taken the kick. At least three of their goals were scored in this manner.

And so it was to Mr Wilkinson that we took it for the post match festivities. And they were wholesome and involved Jenga and good ale and a late and welcome arrival from the Endangered Gilby. The Jenga really primed me for some awesome fire building action the following weekend while camping at Kinglake with Sol.

 

Match Report – May 4 2017 – Weirdness

 

8:40 vs ?
CB (Ass), DC (M), CG, RH, TH, AW – Goals unremembered

 

FONZ_3

It was a strange game – no doubt in part due to the continuing controlled experiments that the Coach and I have been performing with respect to the GHBG – but beyond that it was still strange. It may seem churlish but I feel a large part of the weirdness came from the induction of a new $ Import. Giller announced early on the flurry that we would be joined by a member of the Happy Days cast whom it would appear none of the Nannas had ever heard of. A request was made for clarification but none was forthcoming…

 

 

Telegram

 

… eventually the identity of the “The Fonz” was deduced by someone with more advanced post graduate qualifications than those possessed by the Nannas – but that didn’t stop the weirdness. In fact right from the kickoff it was crazy, Giller let though a soft shot from distance that he would normally have stopped with his eyes closed using only sonic resonance imaging. Perhaps it was the startlingly novel pre-game tactics talk (or perhaps it was only startling to the bewildered test subject) or perhaps it was some kind of professional colleague performance anxiety situation, who can say. Pretty soon the Nannas were further down. It’s rather ungenerous to blame the $ Import for our defensive lapses, especially in the light of their super tight aerial skills and approach play, and I’m sure the Nannas would generally be quicker to blame the controlled experiment in these instances but on a couple of occasions the Nannas-standard-defence-mode of man marking rather came apart at the seams and we shipped another couple of super soft goals. On the upside we did also score a couple of nice ones (though I can’t recall exactly by whom at this late date). On a double thumbs upside we were joined just before halftime by ASS COACH Chasbian Chico von Martingale III shooting plasma from his chode*. On the downside we still lost.

Afterward we went to Howler and drank some superfine beers** (after being ignored by the very Dutch-like-in-aloof -service-manner-but-unDutch-in-general-compentance bar staff) but unfortunately those Nannas outside of the cone of the controlled experiment had to scurry off home inexplicably, leaving only the Coach and I to work on the furtherment of the Nanna project. Following a mandatory GHAG and supplementary beer there ensued much discussion of politics, technology and speculation of a sci-fi nature. It was also proposed by the author that the Nannas should start an Erudite Conversation Club™ wherein the Nannas partake of high quality single malt libations and discuss a mooted topic as intelligently and articulately as they can… stay tuned.

* Cannibal Corpse
** Brooklyn Breweries East India Pale Ale + Fury Road IPA

Match Report 2-2 Draw RH 1 AW 1 RH MOM 18/03/17

Einstein didn’t get too many things wrong.

‘For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ is neat and tidy but does not accurately reflect the chaos in Futsal. If one side takes unwarranted physical action upon a player then the equal reaction would be to retaliate with a similar amount of physical force – but no. Better than that, a better retaliation is to score a goal that ties the match with 11 seconds left on the clock and leaves said opposition in fits of rage, too angry to even shake hands.
But then again, time is relative and does not follow a linear path, this was proved when said opposition returned to the time just after the match finished to shake hands but found that the Nannas had already left the sporting arena and were gasping for air on the lawn outside. The moment that normally proceeds directly after the full-time whistle had been shifted temporally and physically to a new space, a warp in the time space membrane which can surely only be caused by an enormous shift in gravity. The joy of the draw had swollen the collective Nanna’s mass to such an extend that time itself was being forced to follow in our path.

Or was it that the Nannas had moved so fast in the closing seconds of the match that time had slowed down for them but not for the opposition? Thus the point that existed at the end of the match for the opposition coincided with a point many minutes later outside on the lawn for the swift moving Nannas? The opposition weren’t being rude when refusing to shake our hands, they were actually still playing the match, the final whistle not yet having been blown. This would prove that playing futsal for the Nannas makes you younger.

Match report – 9 Mar 2017 – by Elliot

6-1 v Dynamo Tehran, Brunswick
DC 1, EC 1M, RH 2, JH 2, AW, CG, CB, (TH late ass coach)

 

MATCH REPORT

Twas’ the hot summer evening of March the 9th, but it was no ordinary night because this night was a Thursday night. A furious battle between good and evil, light and dark, old men and a boy vs more old men, in the age old game of futsal. The game started off  by a fault of mine in defence leading to the Nannas being set back one to nil. Things started looking up in the second half as the Nannas started pounding goals into the back of the net. From the side line the squad looked like a wall of fear crushing the enemies hearts and destroying their dignity and pride. There was no way they will ever come back from this crushing loss of six to one. They left the grounds with their heads down and tears welling up in the corners of their eyes. After we had hammered in our first three goals all the opposition could do was stare dumbfounded at our awesome magnificence. The Captain as well as Jim getting two goals and Le Coq and his son put away one each. To sum it up, two words, TOTAL ANNIHILATION. We then headed to an excellent Korean barbecue place going by the name of Wooga.

First five Match report 23-02-17

Attendees: CG, JH 2 (MOM), RH, TK, AW

Result: Nannas 4 plays Ruud Boys 1

From now on, there’s a first five. If available, first on the court are: Gilla, Jim, Rhian, Takesh and Andy.

It’s the best team the Nannas have.

Last Thursday proved it, and it wasn’t just because we won, it was in the manner that we did it. It was a full team performance. From back to front every Nanna played his role.

Gilla was rock solid in goals, as always, and saved us a few blushes as the clock wound down and the Nannas tired. But his vastly improving distribution is starting to set the tone for the Nannas (he’s starting to know when to go himself [when we’re tired] and when to pass) and last night wasn’t the first time we scored at least one goals from one of his long passes.

Takesh too had a blinder. I think the main feature of his game over the last weeks has been his defense and his willingness to chase and chase and chase some more. Like a rabid sheep dog, he repeatedly got the better of most of his opposite number, stealing the ball from behind or gut running to make sure he was in the way if one of their team got loose. And then, to put the icing on the cake, he set up Hinkley for our opening goal.

Talking of Hinkley, well, it took a moment of magic to get the Nannas going last week, and his strike from what seemed like an impossible angle was pure gold. Before that we huffed and puffed, and were not putting it together but after, we knew we had ‘em. It takes true leadership to get a team up and going.

And then there’s Andy, everyone’s favourite Nanna, the Nanna everyone wants to be, or shack up with, depending on how we are feeling. Andy too, did a mountain of defensive work, time and again running back to protect our lead or just getting his hands dirty by going the hack. But the enduring vision from this match was Andy striding forward to sweetly lash home, from a corner kick. Many Nannas try this move but most get the balance all wrong, leaning back and usually shoot over the target. Not Andy, from the moment I saw him go forward, I knew it was in the back of the net.

And then there’s me. Well, I wasn’t high this week, which was a disappointment but after Hinkley’s goal and after seeing all the great defensive work by my brother Nannas I felt we couldn’t lose and I put the icing on the cake. Gilla threw a long one, and I got my head to it, not really knowing what I was doing but I hit it perfect and it looped over the keep and into the top right of the goal. Then for my next act, I bent one low into their left corner. That was pretty special, I must admit.

Nanna extreme? I reckon we shouldn’t do the two minute subs anymore, just get the solid tight five going, and Cocky, Chas and Tao can come on if there’s an injury or as a tactical substitution.

Match Report 2017_02_02

lost vs Harchester United
5-3

CB 1 MOM, TW 1, RH 1, DC, AW, TK, CG gk, TH coach

Ist half 5-1
2nd half 0-2

A second half win!

Or a 1-1 draw when counting half victories.

Perhaps I’m grasping at straws. We lost. 5-3. Against Harchester United. A very physical side with some excellent pace amongst their ranks. Recently relegated from Div 1 (according to them).

Their were hugs pre game as Nannas greeted each other after long absences at beach houses, camping and overseas. First game back for 2017. February. Holidays over. Children back at school. Warm days. Warm hugs from Nanna brethren.

The first five minutes of the game it felt like we could match our opponents. But then they got a couple of goals in quick succession, capitalising on micro moments of Nanna hesitation. The game started to slide away from us as they pushed out to 5-0 and their defences seemed impenetrable. Their goalie’s seal slapping style was unequivocally ugly yet effective. Gilly was pulling out some epic mid air saves and the score could have got a lot worse.

Near the end of the first half I buried a left footer after a perfectly placed corner by Rhian. Half time and words were spoken. Gilly said “whatever you guys are doing in defence.. ahh.. please do something different.” Coach said “Chassy, don’t do it all by yourself up front” and other things I don’t remember.

The second half began and so did Nanna intensity. We started to win the 50-50 balls. There was fire in the bellies. And goals came. A free kick from Tao hit the back of the net. Then Rhian scored one too.

We came away exhausted, defeated but upbeat. We had given it a good go. We had shone for moments. Perhaps just glimmered. But there were some sparks. We’re not dead and buried yet Nannas. There’s still gas in the tanks.

Peace out from the Chaswegian.

Match Report – 8 Dec 2016 – Grand Final

Nannas 1 VS Dery 5
Att: ANDY, GILLA, GUIDO, JIM, KONDO, RHIAN, TAO
Coach: TH, DC

“What is a Nanna?” This topic has been discussed over years as a part of the quest, “Brownfullness” AKA an ultimate elixir for our longevity.

I had a good realization when the most “life experienced” wise AW threw the great key word “Spine fullness” in the flurry Story.

We have to ask ourselves again “How full is your spine?” “how full is your Brownfullness ?”

This week had quite interesting change to my mental and physical condition. I must say that excitement of grand final looked after the mental side. However the change of physical is more interesting. I did not meet tantric twins but I know the practice. I deliberately filled up my spine as much as I can to experiment this method works. It was a long memorable week to face the grand final show down.

On the final day, I was in quite pumped place with calm mind set. I was literary feeling high, positive, strong, sharp, focused, a bit taller, biting hard, holding tight, eating well, sleeping well and XXX hard. This made me at least a year younger. I felt my spine was full of brown juice and I haven’t felt this good long time… This is better than multi orgasmic experience without ejaculation. may be I look a bit dangerous if i live like this everyday.

The game started good with full energy and we played good. Just other team had better passing and etc and we got a bit frustrated second half to keep all together. Big Kudos to all team brought us to grand final stage and my new realization scheme. It has been too long to be in this grand final chat. The result was second but we remember the taste of the grand final again. Unfortunately it was not followed by massive winning, warehouse ping pong with slow cooked dinner this time but hey lets do it again soon.

Fill up your spine with Brownfullness brother Nannas! 2017 is near us!!

Kondo

Match Report – 10 Nov 2016 – On Winning & Haircuts

 

trump_cocktail

DC 3 mom, CG, JH 1, RH, TH, TK, TW 2, AW
6-2 | 6:40pm v Nunan Street Boys | Brunswick secondary

This week it was all about winning for the Nannas™. Not the sociopathic, narcissistic, megalomaniacal, misogynist, racist, bullying and xenophobic kind of winning where you openly cheat and grab the ref by the pussy. No, the Nannas™ left that kind of winning to someone else*. Instead the Nannas™ stepped from the court with the kind of win that leaves a warm fuzzy glow in your socks and a pleasant lactic aftertaste in the mouth.

We went behind early on but came back with a peach of a volley from Le Coq. Wal had managed to sneak a pass through the hustling attentions of two opposition defenders, it bobbled and bounced into the left corner where he-of-possibly-the-worst-haircut-ever (and I’m not referring here to The Donald®) with his back to goal on quite can acute angle, pivoted and smacked it into the top right corner of the goal. Their goalie didn’t even move! Raucous jubilation ensued on the touchline from the sub-10 year old cheer squad. The Nannas™’ second was a tap in after some nice lead-up play from the Captain and Jimbob. At half time it was 2-2 but shortly after kick off we were back on top following some tasteful footwork from Le Coq – if he does say so himself. But there the score remained for most of the second half. They threatened a few times and the Nannas™ came close on occasion but it was entering SAF’s squeaky bum territory when Tao toe poked the-most-quickly-taken-free-kick-of-all-time through the eye of a needle near post gap and we could breathe a little easier. Jim then did something illusory with his head, it might have been his new bob haircut (putting the bob back in Jimbob) but it appeared to the author as though the ball made contact about half a meter behind Jim’s head ? either way it went in. The rout was sealed in the dying seconds by another sweet strike from Taoser.

In other notes, Kondo was imperious in defence, The coach yelled himself hoarse and Giller didn’t have much to do but did stop one cracker in the top right from very close quarters, accompanied by a sharp fleshy skin slapping noise.

There was also a rather gnarly moment in the first half when one of the opposition went down howling in agony. Literally screaming like a south american howler monkey in labour who’s had both legs blown off by an IED. A suspected dislocated knee! It looked like he was going to be ok once the dust had settled but those initial animal screams were really quite confronting… It should also be noted that late in the second half one of the opposition opined to me (shortly after one of his buddies had shoulder-barged me off the ball) that “you guy’s are the dirtiest team we’ve played”… wtf ???… anyway.

It should also be noted that the ref had a howler and quite clearly doesn’t actually know a number of the basic rules of futsal, and all the nannas yelled at me for not playing the whistle… like hashtag tots whatevs.

Afterwards we went to a new mexican joint on smith street to eat ceviche, drink corn syrup coke and postulate on exactly how much he-of-the-orange-face-and-candy-floss-hair can fuck the planet and it’s inhabitants. The general consensus was to quite a fair degree !

The only consolation in this otherwise profoundly depressing election was the widespread legalisation of university cigarettes.

*you should be very, very careful of what even only a the tiniest little part of you wishes for.

trump_small

 

Match Report 26 Oct 2016

DC, EC, TK, CG, RH, AW

i know, i know. I’ve forgotten everything. I almost forgot the most outrageous near goal ever. author passes to captain, it’s a bit bouncy, a bit shit, but the captain back-heel volley chips his marker, the author running through realising he’ll never control it opts instead for the flying volley see RvP circa ’06 , and holy shit Jay, it almost went in, cue random bystanders losing their minds… ah well.

datestamp: Monday 7 November, tomorrow is the US election and the world teeters on the edge of a freaking apocalypse. I know it’s wrong but there’s a very small and perverse part of me that wants to see what happens when Drumpf is elected and late capitalism finally gets what it deserves… i know, i know.

Match Report 2016_10_16

Vs Unathletico Madrid
loss 9-1 (second half loss 2-0)
CB MOM, DC 1, TK(gk), TH, RH, AW, JH

Goodness me!
Lads of Unathletico Madrid!
You are actually quite athletic.

What does this mean?
Is this irony?
Is this the end of capitalism?
Engel warned us.
Did he not?

It could be like
Gilla calling himself Unfunky,
Or Taozza calling himself Ugliest
Or if we started calling Cocky Vagina.
Speaking of Vagina,
Cocky was the sole penetrant
Of the opposition’s
Goal Mouth.

And with nine seconds to go
Their goalie threw the ball away.
It was our corner.
Too late
We cannot take
That corner.
That seems unsporting good sir!

May be..
They should change their name to
The Good Sports Madrid.

Match report 28-07-16

Attendees: CG, JH 2 (MOM), RH, TH, AW, TW

Result: Nannas 2 plays Dery 1

Another week, another victory for the mighty Nannas.

The Nannas are definitely on a roll. We haven’t won every game over the last four weeks but we haven’t lost one either.

And so it was this week too. We put six on court, in spite of Chassy being off somewhere (seeing something that is best left unsaid; when I was in boarding school there were these two guys who were really into this band, I think they were called the Cure, I never really got what the big deal was, especially seeing that these two guys were into them, which is what I think about anyone who listens to this band now) and Cocky and Kondo having prior engagements.

The Nannas weren’t worried about team-mates missing. They stepped up, they ran, they fucked ‘em hard, and they came out on top.

There was Tao, all purple-faced, running here, running there, screaming his head off, getting some good shots in, giving the opposition what for.

Then the Captain, oh the mighty Captain, what strength, what pace, what fire, what a set of legs. He hasn’t lost it, especially when viewed from behind.

And let’s not forget about Wal, the MAN who all men look up to. The supreme backdoor specialist, and these days one of the Nanna’s best in defence.

The Coach, well, what can you say about him, except that he has the heart of a lion, the balls of a stallion, and the toe of Ronaldo.

And last but by no means least there is the Gilla. Oh Gilla, still the finest keeper in the whole of the APISC, and the worst distributor but slowly but surely working out when to play the percentages or pepper the opposition’s back wall.

These brave Nannas took the lead with an early strike by yours truly. They weren’t really marking up, and I came lumbering up the centre on a corner. Coach rolled one into my path and all I had to do was hit the target.

We almost had another by exactly the same method a few minutes later but Tao didn’t quite make out my immense figure flying through on goal until it was too late, and I snatched at it.

From then, it was end to end stuff, with both teams trying to make inroads but not quite hitting the scoreboard.
They did pull one back after a mis-kick from one of their players that put off Gilla, robbing him of a clean sheet.

I then, duly, stepped up and finished them off. Rhian got the ball just in their half on the left, he whacked it over to me. It came off my elbow, not my hand but, in any case, my arms were by my side. Everyone thought it handball except me and little ref, who said play on. And so I did. From the resultant ricochet off my appendage, it fell to my left, and I was able to steady and bury it.

Then we went to Howler to mix with some very young people and talk about the impending Beach Box.

Match Report 21 07 16

3-3 Draw ? maybe or 4-3 loss – realistic. RH(MOM) JH(1) TH PHIL(2) CG TK TW

First game played in the new Strip (by one player). Phil donned the sample uniform sporting the funk 45 label as requested by the Gilla. Phil looked fine in the brown and gold, his creamy thighs riding seamlessly across the silky fabric as the beads of warm sweat ran smoothly from his heaving chest.

The game itself was pure example of Nannas working together as a team, breaking out to a 3-1 lead until the middle of the second half, tight defence, and even tighter offensive defence, like a nun with no candles in reach.It was really our offensive pressure that hurried the opposition who were younger, stronger, fitter, firmer and gleaming in the harsh fluorescent light that highlighted their every sinew.
Phil was surprisingly eager to please, running freely with the ball and shooting plenty, it may have been the new strip – it probably was the new strip. He teamed nicely with Tao and Jim upfront, working the diagonals and drawing extra defenders with some Ronaldo-esque foot work.
Defence was led by Tom, strong as ever and almost impenetrable, like a leather Hymen requiring skill and determination to pierce.

Post match discussion focused on possible alterations to the new uniform including some colour alterations, before switching to the looming beach box. Debate was heated and questions of location were tabled, stick to the tried and true or move to Mount Martha for a change. The question was left open but post wrap flurries pointed towards a trial run at Gilla’s where the secret “top bedroom” has secrets yet to be discovered. Lets just say that it’s a large family and you don’t get a large family without some tricks up your sleeve, or down your trousers.

match report 2 June 2016

v some newbies @ brunswick
dc(4,m), tw, rh(m), cg(m), ring-in Nif(1,m), ring-in Elliot C(1,m)

ah yes, the match report written over a week after the fact, always difficult. It was a 5 way MOM so I suppose all 5 MOMS figured at least one of the others would scribe a report, figure again foolish suckers… Two of the other MOMs were ring-ins and the remaining two were Rhian and Giller neither of whom has written a report in at least 4 years so like that was ever going happen.
anyway I can’t really remember much apart from the Captain initiating a 1-2 drill during the warmup, the old give and go and shoot, and what do you know he and I then proceeded to score 3 goals that way during the game… I swear, priming is an extremely powerful tool. we also had a last minute random ring-in by the name of Nif, who we’ve played against a few times (notably giller winding him with a full arse slam last week) who was a welcome addition to the Team. As was Elliot, making a return to court of the nanna, and a scoring goal. Some of his tracking back left a bit to be desired ( as Tao was at pains to point out) but there was some nice footwork and a couple of very tasteful passes. err… what else.. Giller totally kept us in it at the end. We were meant to have the bus firmly parked at the back with less than a minute to go, but what do you know, 2 times they were 2 on 1 at the back, one shot went wide and the other was saved by a shoulder-meets-goal-post save from the Funky Nanna™. And of course the highlight of the entire match was the author scoring a pair of braces…
tight is right.