Category Archives: match report

Match Report 03/03/11

March 8, 2011match reportcaptain

5-1 win over some old guys RH3(mom) CG(1) CB TH TW(1) JH AW

Nannas match report available here

MATCH REPORT 24.2.11

March 3, 2011match reportcaptain

RH2 (MOM) TH JH CB(1) TW AW CG(1)
4-2 Win

Match Report 20110217

February 23, 2011match reportcoach

4-3 Victory vs VJFC (Va Jina Football Cunts)

TH (GK-MOM), RH, JH, CB 1, TW 1, AW 1 , James the ring in and Julian (Tao’s French bench assembler), and there was an own goal if you’re counting.

Sugar is sweet, so is honey, mix ’em together and it’s sweeter still. Add some maple syrup, how’s that taste? A bit sweeter. Maybe some golden syrup, mix that in real good, now you’ve made it sweeter. Add some other different sort of sugar, maybe brown sugar or caster sugar or icing sugar, in fact fuck it, put ’em all in and as much as you can get, bags and bags of the shit, you might need a forklift or a dump truck or preferably both, trust me you can’t make it too sweet. Then you’re going to need palm sugar and coconut sugar and any other exotic sugar you can get, blend it in and taste it, it’ll be pretty sweet already, but not sweet enough. Go synthetic, I would recommend sucralose, aspartame, saccharin, glucin, dulcin, neotame, alitame even acesulfame potassium, get as much as you can get and don’t worry about any of that shit causing cancer, that’s not the problem, the problem is it won’t be sweet enough – and it’s not. Add some natural sugar substites, xylitol, pentadin, monellin (you know from serendipity berries), erythritol (good because it’s less likely to produce gastrointestinal distress when consumed in large amounts and we need A LOT of it), glycerol, luo han guo whatever, pour it in, mix it up, dip your pinky in and taste it, gaze meaningfully at about 45 degrees from the horizontal, and go “hmmm, not quite sweet enough”. Get hardcore with the proteins, specifically brazzein and curculin, at over 500x the sweetness of sucrose by weight these little guys are essential for getting it sweet enough…

I could make some elaborate allegorical tale about the nature of the struggle between us and the va jinas, but the internet writes better and has bigger dickheads so let me just say that we are the bitchenest Anonymous hackers and they be knob wallabies extraordinaire HBGary Federal. See here and here.

I hope you enjoyed that little diversion, it was pretty cool the way we ended up owning them like that stupid HBGary va jinas. In real life it was of course Tao being the young lady hacker who social engineered Greg Hoglund and like what the man from Ars Technica said, we didn’t need any super special hacks to get through their defenses, just good exploitation of the holes they did leave. Plus I think we rattled them a bit.

However back to that big pile of sweetness you were making in your mind in the first paragraph. That’s been in the sun for a couple of days, it’s reducing down a bit and through that process getting sweeter. Get some sort of giant cauldron on a flame and reduce reduce reduce, we need to sweeten it some more, it has to be so fucking sweet that every mother fucker in the universe gets diabetes from its very existence alone. Ok get it into a malleable ball about 500mm diameter, take that ball and with your own Nanna mind hands form it into the bludgeoning weapon of your choice, maybe a warhammer or a mace, even a morning star is ok, or a base ball bat or crow bar if you want a more modern vibe. Then put it in your mind kiln or whatever you’ve got in you mind tool forging workshop that can make an ultra sweet mess of mind hand formed weapon as strong as steel. Now I really don’t know how long it will take to harden, it’s your mind tool forging workshop and you’ll have to work that out for yourself. But as soon as it comes out you grab your engraving tool, and somewhere on the end that does the damage you inscribe these words in big letters: SWEET REVENGE. Then you walk up to (in your mind only please) whichever of those va jina’s sorry excuses for a face pisses you off the most and smack (once again in your mind only please) that bitch down with SWEET REVENGE…

What’s that noise? Don’t you hear it? All the angels in heaven are crying with joy because the awful dreadful horrible curse of The Dirtiest Loss Ever (see here if you don’t know what i’m talking about-AS IF) is lifted. That’s right friends the sun is out and the birds are singing their innocent little arses off with out and out unadulterated glee such is the happiness the world feels when the dirty low act robbery tragedy sushi roll of major pissed offedness, that’s sharpened to a point and stabbed right in your guts and can NEVER be removed, and has to live there all your days long, not being eaten like a normal sushi roll, but fuckingwell eating YOU is removed from your guts by SWEET REVENGE.

Match Report 20.01.11

January 24, 2011match reportcaptain

RH(2)(MOM) JH(1) TH(1) AW(1) DAVE (Ringer) TK

It was a game of two halves. In fact it’s more reasonable to consider it as two short games than one entity – which would make it a drawn series as we convincingly won the second game by a single goal.

The first game in the series was not one that many Nannas will remember with pride. I’m not sure how many Nannas can remember back to the early days of the Nannas when a young friend of the Nannas – Dave was his name I believe – decided to take on a larger opponent by the name of Goliath in the car park. Dave was brave and agile and quick which is helpful. Goliath was an enormous powerhouse of strength and physical ability, skilled in all martial arts, ever, and carrying an assortment of the latest combat weaponry from the Russian version of the SAS.

At Daves funeral we talked about how he had battled hard and really given it his all but in the end had very little to offer in the way of a ‘knock out blow’. When Goliath opened up with his Armour Piercing shoulder mounted rocket launcher Dave could only really stand and take it on the chin and there’s only so many of those that a man of relatively small stature can take upon the chin.

So it was in the first game for the Nannas. The opposition may not haver been carrying any discarded russian weaponry but they were packing some tools that no Nanna has ever owned. There were Multiple goals, and the ‘M’ in Multiple is capitalised for a reason, that went past the valiant Takeshi Kondo. There were passing moves and bursts of speed more often seen at Albert Park during the Grand Prix than on a regular Thursday.

Only one Nanna stood up in that first game and kept the home fires burning – the Coach with a sizzling goal that lef t them reeling, sort of. So we left the first game with our pants on but only just and carrying some heavy scars.

The break between the two games required the Nannas to dig deep, there were strong stirring words, I think Jim said “Holy Fuck”. But it was a different Nanna outfit that took to the second game.

A decisive, fast moving, quick witted outfit. Ringer Dave opened them up early with some fancy footwork, working hard down the flanks and delivering ball after ball accross the goal face, it was only a matter of time before a Walmartin would find himself knocking on the back door with room to spare and a laser guided right foot.

The defence too tightened up, the Nans started mixing it up, laying it up at the back, sending long balls through, rotating positions. Big Jim hanging off, not plunging in, which is hard for a man with such urges. Thomas marshalling the troops, working the numbers and unafraid to take the hard knocks. Ringer Dave going the extra yard by attacking an opposition foot with his head, gutsy. It wasn’t till the final few minutes that the Captain had a run, from a kickoff, the seas parted and allowed an easy slot to find its way home.

And what to do after two short games rather than one game of two halves?

A scenic stroll through the unseen backwater that is Parkville. Thomas opening up a whole new genre in Nanna cooking by providing an insight into his ‘secret Melbourne’, the nooks and crannies that make this town of hours such a wonderful place. Alfresco Salt and Vinegar washed down with crisp clean Asahi in the night air and ‘blind mans Aerobi” to finish. A delight.

Match Report 20101223

January 6, 2011match reportkondo

Game: NANNAS vs V J F.C

Win 4:2

CB, DC(1), JH(1), CG, TH, AW, TW(1), TK(MOM)

This opponent is fresh and fast. They have very good foot skills to bring up the ball to the front.
So the game became intense from the beginning. Both of us had quite few shots and somehow we ended up losing two goals quickly.

The pressure was on. As we were chasing, the 4 magic goals saved our life the night.
Our first break through was TW. When I was surrounded by their defense in deep front with the ball, he was running behind me like a cavalry penetrates anything he wants. I sent the ball back to him as soon as I saw and he scored beautiful one.

Our soul was lifted by this goal. The second one was followed by DC’s back heal kick. This trick kick was shot from out side of the penalty line. It was looked like he was just turning around so that the goalie could not stop even it went through between his legs.

The third goal was the our favorite goalie goal. CG did this again as everyone expected. The score reached 3:2 at the mid second half. This goal changed the mental balance of the game significantly.

The fourth one was launched from far back of the penalty line by JH. The trusted main cannon blasted everything a second before the whistle.

It was a good game and a nice way to finish the end of 2010.

A Happy New Year brother Nannas!

Match Report 20101216

December 23, 2010match reportcoach

Vs Team Scandinavia- The Low Countries

6-3 Loss TH(1)(MOM), RH(1 0r 2?), JH, TK, AW, CG(GK)

Fucking Scandinavian low country bitches. Two faced cock heads. In the war they were all “we’re neutral”, then “actually we’ve got blond hair too we’re with the Nazi dudes”, then “microwave ovens are cool, let’s go suck on some American cock”. Fucking Finnish Amsterdamian fjord lovers, if Brussells is so cool why isn’t Luxembourg a part of Belgia then? Jesus! Anyway they’d all had tank commander training from the Waffen SS so they were well drilled, they’d been on the echinacea pills since birth so they were fit young specimens, they could run, pass, strike and all that shit, their dicks could table dance the Jenkka at 140 bpm, while pulling one of those overwrought Belgian beers that yuppies love so much, all the fucking while with a smile on their dirty wannabe aryan faces. What hope did a somewhat depleted Nannas have? What chance the aging brown men against such a virulent specimen? What tricks could Old King Lion muster from his bag of old tricks? I’LL FUCKING TELL YOU WHAT TRICKS! HOW ABOUT THE TRICK OF FUCKING HAVING BALLS AND STEPPING UP TO THE OPPRESSOR NO MATTER WHAT THE ODDS. (that trick always fucks the kids) HOW ABOUT THE TRICK OF SEEING THE TINIEST CHINK IN THE OTHERWISE IMPREGNABLE 9 INCH REACTIVE TITANIUM ARMOUR AND FUCKINGWELL HAMMERING ON THAT CHINK UNTIL IT CRACKS WIDE OPEN. Let’s break down the tricks then shall we?: Trick one – Stand up to them – You are a proud Nanna with a fighting heritage that goes back over 10 years, sure you’re facing up against an opponent superior in many ways SO WHAT? Form on paper don’t count for shit, he still must beat you, you take it to his sorry herring eating arse and you make him beat you, every time, and you make it hard for him to beat you, you make him think twice about wanting to beat you. This we did. Trick two – Drive a wedge into his crack – His crack in this instance being his lack of goalie, the wedge in this case being our constant pounding of his crack, lots of aerial balls in, lots of shots on goal, lots of being there for the parry and fumble. This we did, Rhian scored from the head from a big throw in from Giller, and I managed to crumb one. Plus Giller kept kicking the ball into their heads but they just kept smiling. All that said they were pretty good, we certainly gave them a bit of a scare when we drew level, and the score only really blew out in the last couple of minutes when we pushed forward trying to arse the game back.

For afters Giller slipped his tougne into big Jim’s ear and said “LP – tropical far North Fitzroy”, new and super groovy we drank Quilmes and had a little impromptu.

Match Report 2010_11_18

December 2, 2010match reportbrown

vs Hampton FC

lost 1-0

CB MOM, TH, TW, DC, RH, TK, JH, AW

The Phase wannabes aka The Nanna Wannabes aka The Annual aka Hampton FC. We don’t enjoy losing to these guys. One of them wears a headband. They keep changing their name. They’re pushy. They’re hungry. They’re tenacious. They play our game. They keep beating us. Fuck it!

Once again I find myself adding to the tome of honourable losses. It was very nearly a 0-0 draw. Which may have been unprecedented and will now remain so due to the fact that these nemesicians sneaked in a goal right near the end of the match with only minutes to go. And in doing so, snatched the near-dissolved gastrolyte tablet of a draw right off our collective tongue and swapped it for the bitter pill of defeat. We all know about this kind of pill. The pharmaceutical of the vanquished. More bitter than a neat glass of Campari warmed under the hot loin cloth of an obese medieval statistician. More cloying than a mouthful of green chalk.

Kondo was valiant and staunch in goals. Repelling wave after wave of attack. As for the single goal that got past him, I cannot comment for I didn’t see it. Cocky sacrificed himself in the form of a large, mobile haematoma. The writer had a couple of good shots. Tao provided V Shots that got some of us pretty pumped. We drank and ate at the Belgian. And.. Curtain.

Match report 21/10/10

October 25, 2010match reportcaptain

CG DC-2 AW CG JH-1 RH-1 TH(post match)

In july 1973 captain Curtis Browning of Bravo company was wounded by shrapnel 2 miles north of Pnang Ta on the Kotan peninsular. He was unconscious when dragged into an army evac helicopter and only regained consciousness in the relative safety of the hospital aboard a medical naval frigate 4 days later. His first thought was of his men and although he couldn’t walk he demanded to be returned to the jungle. In the end he was restrained in his bed for a full month. During this time he was tortured with dreams of his men caught in crossfire, aimlessly wandering in the dense and unforgiving jungle.

Finally he was released and spent four days fighting his way to the front line and his men. His first emotion upon reunion was that of relief and then quickly a sense of awe overcame him. In his absence bravo company had recaptured Hill 462 and gained ascendancy in the battle for control of the Kotan peninsular. He wept solidly for two days, the emotions were enormous, his men had reorganized themselves and fought with such skill and teamwork that he felt he was superfluous. His chickens had outgrown the nest and were now flying alone.

After two days of tears he realized that in actual fact his role in bravo company was more important than ever. His chickens could fly but now it was time to turn them into eagles so that they could soar in the clear blue skies. He took to the skies and his men followed, they flew above the trees, above the clouds and high into the nothingness above.

Its time to fly brown men and soar like eagle, don your wings and flap with me.

MATCH REPORT 14/10/10

October 21, 2010match report, team photothefunkynanna

THE NANNAS V HYDEROOS

5 V 3

JH 1, CG 1 (MOM), DC 2, AW1, RH, TW, TH, CB

Perhaps one of the greatest EVER brown performances in the history of the Nanna. IT is not because it was a top of the table clash, and we smashed em. It was not because the girls are back exercising pre match. (maybe for Andy it is though!) It was not because we played with a $50,000 camera at the after match. It is not because it became Andy’s birthday at midnight that night whilst we were toasting the new shelves. IT is not because each Nanna played out of their skin, no it was none of these.

The nanna’s were a unit a brown, tight, phenomenal force. At one point in the second half the Nanna’s actually controlled the ball with one touch passes for nearly 4 minutes. This devestating display never actually resulted in a goal, but it did result in a BRAVE NEW WORLD. It resulted in a new phrase now uttered by brown men, a phrase that goes, “yes we can”. We will share it with Barack, as he now knows how we roll. IT was a period of the game where we basically played like men who had NO opposition.

Of course eventually the reality of the situation set in, we handed back the ball and came down to earth again. They got a goal an then we answered and then answered AGAIN! But I digress, lets go back to the start. Lets go back to when Andy WAS forty.

The game opened in fury, both sides pushed both sides were denied. It took one man, the oldest man available. IT was, I think, a flying side volley from Andy who was sitting so deep, you couldn’t even call it a greek move. Maybe we should settle on a Cypriot goal. It was an amazing goal, one that perhaps the crowds of Wesley may never see again.

The next goal was rather more shit, but we will take it. It was a goalie throw who’s their loser goalie fumbled it through the goal. Whatever it takes! We went into the half at 3:1 after Dan stood up and became a man (again).

We went into the half time reasonably cocky. Tom and I had our usual arguement about meeting / not meeting the keeper who comes out. But you will be happy to know we talked post match about this argument, and came to an agreement on the matter. But, beware the curse of the Nanna. Happy first half : Anally rearranged at the start of the second half.

Sometimes it is time to say enough is enough and this week the Nannas became a shade browner. THis is when we stood up and held onto the possession of the ball for what seemed like an eternity. We got one then they got two then we bitch slapped them down with the final goal that spoke of courage and determination.

Afterwards we took it to JOE’S, a Nanna favourite and it did us another fine service. Dan tempted us with talk of his new amazing shelves and boy, what shelves……Very man….

At about two minutes after midnight Andy told us of his birthday…..What right now Andy! ? YEs it was and he really wanted to go to the strippers around the corner from Dan’s studio. I mean who were we to say no to the birthday boy. In fact we said no, but the birthday boy went up all y himself. He keep talking about a disappointing ratio?????

match report 100916

September 17, 2010match reportstriker

no stats available apart from DC(4,mom)

well yes, it is with some degree of shame and embarrassment that I write this report almost three weeks late. The small matter of an extended south pacific sojourn coupled with patchy internet access and a liberal view of the posting rules is wholly to blame (the disrespecting of the flurry is another matter entirely, the blame for that lays solely at the feet of the authors flaky webmail server, well most of it, that and the super dodgy telcos operating in the relative third world nations of Aotearoa New Zealand and the Republic of Fiji Islands (and the Piña Coladas)).

Anyway, enough fleshing out of match reports with extended excuses. The game itself was pretty good as I recall. We won the first half big time and only lost the second half by a bit, leading to a net result of the Nannas™ up something like 7-4 (maybe 7-5) at the final whistle. The only thing that really stands out from the match in my post plural Piña Colada memory is the early contender for GOS (goal of the season). Giller, reading a run from the author, throws the perfect long ball towards the right corner. Arcing over the authors left shoulder the ball drops invitingly for the half volley. With acres of space the sensible thing would have been to try and control the ball and get closer but fvck it, why not have a whack. By pure fluke the strike is as sweet as the proverbial nut leaving the goalie rooted to the ground as the back of the net billows… Tight is Right®

from the depths it came.

Match Report 2010_08_05

August 11, 2010match reportbrown

vs ??
lost 2-4
CB MOM,DC,RH,TH,TW,JH,AW,TK

Oh man, after a Man Weekend I am meant to remember shit. I close my eyes I see the ears, nose and clean white teeth of the piglet we consumed. What I can do? Come on there must be something there. Some hazy image or a snatch of conversation? Or perhaps a hazy snatch and an image of a conversation? Nup, nothing. It was cold.. real cold.. No, I’m just making it up now.

What about the Man weekend eh? Perhaps that is more important to catalogue. Let’s see.. Goalshooting (won by TH), Relay (TK,TH,CB), Discus (CG-controversially or DC- non-controversially), Intra Big Ball (Gold Team:CB,TW,JH,TK), Intra Small Ball (Gold Team), Dodgeball (Unknown), Can Hold (TK), Robot Hand Shandy (Boomers:CG,AW,TH), House of Cards (AW), Personal Sharing On Mic,PSOM, (tie:AW,DC), Table Tennis (CB), Best Barista Bitch in Balnarring, BBBB, (JH).

Please add to Man Weekend catalogue as desired..

match report 100729

August 5, 2010match reportstriker

erm… I have not had much sleep this week and the most extreme cortisol levels that is a miracle i even remember playing. As such i can’t remember the team or the score. I do remember that i played a whole lot better than the week before when i played like shit, well apart from the copious assists Jim so generously mentioned in the previous report. To return the favour i would note that Jim was hitting some of the sweetest sounding shots in a long time. You know, when you can just hear how sweetly the ball has been struck, something to do with physics and the massive real-time acoustic modelling being done in the brain, unfortunately someone seemed to get in the way every time and those sweetly struck balls would simply not go in. Finally Tao laid off a sitter for Jim to tap in… Erm what else … Shit, I really can’t remember much. the art Fair opened last night and my nervous system only narrowly escaped a full collapse leading up to it. I seem to recall Kondo and Andy Wong were on fire… the cross court passing was all over that shit… The Coach punched one in from the left with a ferocity that belied his signature languid style… … … yes… I better get ready now. Last game before the man weekend.

time stamps: esme turns one, art fair 2010 opens, gillard slumping in the polls, rudd speaks, rhian updates the mom voter, tao refuses to eat oysters, hollywood evaporates…

MAN WEEKEND HERE WE COME !!!!!!!

Match report—22 July 2010

July 28, 2010match report, Uncategorizedjimbob

Attendees: CB, DC, CG, JH, TH, TK, AW, TW

Goals: JH4, TW1, AW1 CG1

Result: 7 nil win to the Nannas

CV: RH

I went into this game with a negative attitude. The bloated eight: it would be hard to get into the game; I definitely would not find the ball or get any goals (and fulfil my dream of being striker). Maybe it was Captain’s late pull out (more on that later) that gave our team a more manageable size. Perhaps as an octet the Nannas struck a fine balance: we were on long enough to have some sort of coherence, off long enough to get a breather and off long enough to want to make an impact when actually playing because our time on would be short.

What was particularly pleasing about this week was our lack of the classic kicking the ball forward at all costs, heedlessly, frantically, Nannarishly. We did this for about two or three minutes last week but this week we paused, looked up and passed intelligently. It was a sight to see.

Maybe division 3 is our new home away from home, a place where we can recoup, regain some form, perfect our style and then have another crack at division 2, only for it all to fall apart again.

We were in front all night, and I’m not just talking about the scoreboard. The team we faced off against hardly got near our goals. I remember only twice when they either had a powerful shot or got one on one with Gilla.

This left the Nannas to attack almost at will and after a slow start that’s pretty much what we did.

Gill got proceedings underway with a trademark long-range effort that dipped, looped and had the opposition goalie thinking it was going to miss. It didn’t.

Then someone kicked the ball in my face. Fuck it hurt. I heard the call from the sideline to come off but with eight, I reasoned that I would never get back on again so I rode it out. After my eyes stopped watering the whack did seem to sharpen my senses a bit and it was about this time I got my first, our second, after intercepting a throw. My second was scored having a ping from a pass from a corner. Tao served up the assist just the way I like it: he dribbled the ball to my left.

I think I got the next two. Gilla threw a long one, which I wrapped my head around and sent into the opposite corner. Gilla is having a fine couple of weeks. Apart from his goal, which he is getting a lot more of these days, he is coming to realise just how important his distribution is to setting the tone for the Nannas in attack. He is mastering the art of bringing the ball out and laying it off just at the right moment. And his long balls are much better directed and he is mixing them up, so they are a lot less the one trick that we rely on.

I got my last from Cocky. Our beloved striker is turning more provider these days. There were at least three occasions when he could have banged away, scoring goals at will but lately he has been choosing to pass. And unlike the old days, when a pass from Cocky was somewhat hit and miss (he was very much an all solo running man, you see), his is now more often than not hitting the mark.

Tao got the next again with Cocky as provider. It was a bit of a pass fest back and forth in front of goal and nothing on his last week’s effort, which was a thing of pure footballing beauty, but a goal is a goal is a goal.

The last Andy put in from close range. He continues to have a knack for lingering near the opposition goals, just out of the line of sight of the enemy, unobtrusive and largely unmarked. Then someone will pass him the ball, on this occasion it was me, and he make them pay for having underestimated his sublime backdoor talents.

This was about it. The Nannas it must be said could have scored more if we had paid more attention to and then exploited some of the spaces that opened up on occasion. At times we were bunching but not really taking notice or advantage of the acreage we had created. Something to work on.

And now I come to a very troubling matter. You see, last week was our anniversary. All Nannas had committed to play. But then one Nanna, the Captain, had to withdraw. Now, there is nothing wrong with withdrawing. It’s how it is done that matters. And Captain failed on two fronts. First, he didn’t front with a reason. Second, in not giving a reason he, the Captain, our spiritual leader, set an example that flouting the rules is fine. One thinks the leadership group should convene a meeting.

Match Report 2010_07_08

July 9, 2010match reportbrown

vs South Melbourne AMC 13-0 WIN
CB MOM 3,RH 3,TW 3,JH 2,DC 1,TK 1,AW,CG

There they were. Us. No uniforms. Full of hope and wonder. Bearded, bedraggled and unkempt. Men in their late 20’s. Thinking.. “sure, I’ve got some footskills, i used to play soccer at school, i may not have a south american/ european gene in my genome but I know soccer, i know football, i can do this, yeah yeah, awesome let’s ride”.

And then there was us. (perhaps “them” in another decade). Older, wiser, fitter, happier. Men in their late 30’s. Thinking.. “no, you can not do it bearded young fools, you shall not ride, you shall be bludgeoned hard and long by the long handle of the nanna bludgeoning machine. 1, yeah that’s right, 2, take it, 3, there you go, 4, taste it, 5, eat it, 6, slam it, 7, feel the power, 8, ooh touch it, 9, get up bitch, 10, get up again, 11, look at me.. bang, 12, one more, one more here we go, 13 thanks guys great game see you next time.”

And that was indeed that. Thirteen to zero. Three hattricks and some. But strangely, a slightly empty feeling. Like it wasn’t really a game at all. More like a training session. So we better keep our game up and on this week. Especially with the BackDoor and the CoqLoft home on their respective workbenches.

Timestamp: Nanna man weekend confirmed for Aug 6/7 at Balnarring complete with pig on spit. Only three weeks away!

match report 100610

June 24, 2010match reportstriker

4-4, v ?
AW, CG(g), TH, TW(1), DC(3,m), CB, JH, RH

I think Tao summed it up perfectly, they deserved to win, but we definitely deserved to draw !

The game started off with a radical reformation of the 9 man sub system by the Coach that was very nearly scuppered by the late Arrival of Andy and Issy. Tao scored the first with a nicely angled shot, I’m a bit hazy on where their goals came in the chronology but lets cut to the 3-1 score that wasn’t in out favour, but we fought and somehow clawed it back to 3-3. With about 4 mins to go they got a soft one which after all the hard graft to equalise was a real knife in the guts. Then with seconds to spare we won a corner. tao stepped up to take it, Tom was yelling at the author to “get in there, cocky”, but he was timing his run, Tao looked set, the author took off thinking it’s never going to happen, but the opposition came off their lines and a corridor just opened up, Tao slotted it perfectly across goal where it was met by a Nanna boot… Equaliser ! so good.

Then Wal took us to Gigi Baba via the Grace Darling (where they were playing the Stone Roses) for one of the finest after match meals the Nannas have had to date. so good.

Match Report 2010_06_03

June 10, 2010match report, Uncategorizedbrown

vs
3-1 Victory
CB 2 (MOM), DC 1, RH, TK, AW, JH, TW, TH (COACH)

Unfortunately now I cannot remember much. DC got the first goal after a pass from RH. I got the second one which was so slow yet so well-placed everyone just blinked a few times and watched it roll into the goal. I also got the third one which was a pungent, spicy and oblique power strike. Unstoppable.

The support crew consisted of Freya, Solomon and Gabrielle. Freya lent the most vocal encouragement. Sol curled up in Russell.

The Nannas went out for dumplings. Apparently they were very good. I didn’t go.

The Nannas are unable to find a single night for the man weekend before October!

match report 100527

June 2, 2010match report, team photostriker

99-00 | The ref sets the final score for the brave nannas as they depart Wesley

3-2 v Allens FC
DC(2,m), JH, AW, TK(g) | ring-ins: Tomo(1), Ben

⨂ Royal Commission into Nanna Commitment, Transparency & Regime Change :: Draft Report ⨀

As Jim stated in his last report these have indeed been trying times for the Nannas. Three weeks in row the use of reinforcements has been required. This is not good. As a draft report it is not the role of this document to lay blame or stand in judgment, nor the vehicle through which to talk of last second pullouts, myopic creative endeavours or the revolution. It is however a call to arms for an adherence to the principles upon which the Nannas™ were built so many years ago; fairness and inclusion as the ultimate form of success; drinking alcohol and using recreational drugs at the expense of wage slave efficiency; sitting down at exactly the same moment in the trust that as you sit all other Nannas™ sit too, simultaneously providing and receiving the critical support structures of their collective existence.

I would therefore put forth, with the sole intention of fostering team solidarity, continuity, friendliness and respect, the following additions to the “Rules of the Nannas”

1. When stating their unavailability to play on a Thursday night a Nanna™ will give a reason, however brief.

2. A Nanna™ will respect The Flurry™ and state their unavailability at least 24 hours before kickoff

Like the common courtesy of the Reacharound® this is simply to let the your Brother nannas know you are there, that you are thinking of them even if you can’t play and that you care. The Nannas is a relationship and as any crap self-help book will tell you, relationships take work. You can’t just take it for granted like they’ll always just be there when its convenient for you. I realise it’s not easy, especially in this day and age, with the travails of progeny, spouses, financial provision, performing arts, english premier league websites, reduser forums… but a little commitment goes a long way (like ten years long so far !). It’s a biological axiom that the more you give it away the more it comes back, and like the evolutionary rewards bestowed upon the genetically sharing, the rewards of the Nanna™ Brotherhood are a gift from the unified theory of everything…

I love you guys…

⨀

… and about the game, no proper goals so we played with shitty little practice ones, Tomo (ringin a) had the mad skills, is a stuntman and scored a sweet goal, Ben (ringin b) put in some highly committed hustling, so much so that he took himself out with a knee injury, Andy, Jim, Takeshi and the author all acquitted themselves well (the author even scored a back-heel goal). The beers at the Windsor were REALLY good.

⨧

Match report 6 May 2010

May 12, 2010match reportjimbob

Nannas v Los Pitifos

R: 3 all

Att: CB, CG, JH, TH, RH, TK, AW

To do justice to a truly sporting and wholesome evening, the following match report will be separated into two parts.

Part one

Preamble — the following could concentrate on a sloppy game: defence at sixes and sevens; poor passing; no movement; and somewhat stilted attack. But such a report would do a severe injustice to the many events that made up this game. It is events that define a match and there were many events on this eve that were truly special.

There was conjecture before the game that the Nannas would take to the field with only five. As time ticked away toward kick off it seemed there would be only four, as Andy was nowhere to be found. The ref blew for the game to begin, suggesting that he could play for the Browns but just as he did Captain and Chas appeared. Cheers went up, morale soared, and then Andy entered the stadium — yet more cheers and happy brown men.

Chas will be remembered this game, in the early moments at least, for his supreme goal, the first for the Browns. He took down the ball down deep in his own half, dispossessing an opponent, then got round another two on his way to the keeper, who could do nothing to stop his penetrating strike. The Nannas were on their way.

Chas will also be remembered for his guile and deft touch, as he directed away, with hand, a ball destined for an opponent barely a couple feet from Gilla’s goal. The opposition raised their hands and their voices (Chassy surely would have been sent off and given away a spot kick) but the ref was unsighted. Chassy walked away. Nothing doing. His performance was such that even the opposition, who only moments before were baying for his blood, started to doubt what they had seen.

Gill had a moment too. The ref was counting down toward half time: three, two, one. He inhaled ready to blow on the whistle. If there had been a hooter, it would have blown and that would have been that. But the whistle took somewhat longer to get to the ref’s lips and in this time Gilla saw an opportunity and took it, banging out a long range shot. The opposition were already in the sheds by the time the ball hit the net but it didn’t stop the ref pointing to the spot: goal, much to the disbelief of everyone in the stadium. Gilla celebrated like the true striker he is.

Of course, the opposition should be mentioned in this report. They are a miserable bunch of sods, and deserve every bit of bad luck that comes their way, not to mention a good whacking. Their bad sports-person-ship was on display for all to see after this last goal. One went so far as to infer that the ref should be fearful for his mum’s wellbeing.

Now I shall blow my own trumpet. The Nannas were behind a goal. There was only a minute or two left. We had had our chances but we could not get the ball to disturb the back of the net. I found myself playing striker, taking every opportunity to fervently shoulder and back into their keeper and the bad sport (who had threatened the ref), looking for a long ball for Gilla. And then such a ball came. I was pushing into the keeper, trying to take him out of the contest, and when the time came, all I had to do was come out from his goal a couple of steps and head home. I hardly have to point out that there was much sweet joy at seeing the ball hit the back of the net. Sometimes it’s good to get personal.

That was the end of the scoring. It finished all square at three a piece.

Part two

At the Korean restaurant on the menu above pictures of fried chicken it says:
What we’re famous for.

What they are famous for is sticky, sweating oil, smelly fart inducing, tummy rumbling, yet strangely alluring and satisfying, tasty, tongue tickling, and extraordinarily bountiful platters of deep-fried chicken.

We dabbled in the Garlic and Marinated varieties. Suffer the Nannas who missed out on this post match sit down.

Match Report 2010_04_16

April 29, 2010match report, Uncategorizedbrown

vs
2-3 Loss
MOM CB, DC 2
TH, JH, RH, TK, AW

Wal, Dan and Rhian were late to the game. In fact, we started without them. However, they did not pay for the game because, according to Dan, Tao didn’t pay when he was late. Ok, looks like that rule is null and void.

Moving on. The game. Energetic and large I would call it. Much like Dolph, who was sporting a Rusko (see embedded video posted by dan earlier) style moolay. Sheesh that guy is one large human. He’s got to be eight foot at least. The game was dynamic and exciting. It almost prompted Solly and Issy to speak at one point it was that exciting. There seemed to be a lot of endlessly rebounding balls and swings from attack to defence and back again. DC nailed a couple of sensational oblique strikes and CB was (to quote JH) “supreme in d”. Thanks Jim. TK was defiant in goals saving several unsavables and poking out Dolph’s thunderbolts with unflappable steeliness. TH roared like a wildebeest with a lion’s fang in its quadricep and rallied the troops with considerable zeal. In fact RH and TH did upper management proud with some rousing half-time instructions.
Now finishing this on my phone standing on a train. Second week of Urchin rehearsal. Go nannas!!

match report 010415

April 28, 2010match reportstriker

2-3 v Esperanza
DC(2,m), CB (m), TH, RH, JH, AW, TK

Was a while back now and my memory isn’t helping much. it was the B semifinal so not much to play for except pride, but the Nannas™ have more than enough pride being King Lion and all, and obviously the King must have eaten earlier as there wasn’t much hunger see MR 091210 for more on that theme.

Erm… here’s how Jim summised the game, taken from an email;
“We came in a gallant second last night. 3-2. Cocky got two superb goals and Chas was supreme in d, being justly deserved MOM winners.We were plucky, we were brave, but they got us the end. Dolph was big.”

The Captain cooked and we went to Thy Thy 1 for dinner which was very good.

Match report 25 March 2010

March 30, 2010match report, Uncategorizedcaptain

Nannas vs Pornstars
4-1 loss

CB, CG, JH, RH (1)(M), TH, AW

In the beginning
Running free
Corner kick, rocket pass, simple finish.
Spirits lifted
riding a wave of jubilation.

But past the veneer
self-doubt?, catholic guilt?
No
Worse than that
Incoherence.

Leaden feet
Angry words
Forgotten systems
A negative scorecard

Heavy Hearts
Heavy meals
North Melbourne Town Hall
Heavy

match report 100311

March 17, 2010match reportstriker

suspected suicide bomber sighted on the grounds of Wesley College.

2-1 v ?
DC(1,mom), CG(1,gk), RH(c), CB, TH, AW, TW, JH,

erm… well yes. I guess a lot can be said for second best votes when there’s a few nannas voting. Thank you my brown brothers.
Overall the game was pretty average really. personally I felt we should have beaten these guys by about 6 goals but I was mocked for this view so perhaps not. Chassie was back which added pace and commitment to the nannas game, as well as a quadruple Code Violation™, the first for a red card after assaulting* the opposition goalie. Speaking of goalies, Giller scored another and now has the strikers trophy firmly in sight, but as such has increased his shots-on-goal:passes-out ratio by several orders of magnitude, ironically (or not) this didn’t have much effect on the game because a) half the shots weren’t on target and b) the forwards were so crap they didn’t do anything with the passes they did get. The only other goal came from the authors back, style, not ! The coaching was very fine from the Captain, who shall hopefully be returning to active duty this week. Wal’s positional play as always was spot on, Jim had a couple of fine cracks, Thomas was everywhere and Tao laid off a couple of tasteful and uncommonly early passes.

but more importantly, chassis took us to a pub that was closed, left the car door open and then spilled 2 beers and a soft drink in gillers lap.

but even more importantly,

20 July 2000

the very first day of brown pride has been finally and unequivocally established. Through the use of email searching, whale sperm and oxide of manganese the official date of the Nannas first ever game has been once and for all set in stone.

jesus, I almost forgot about vajazzling…c/o the beChassler

jim“I am dying to look at this but can I do it at work?”
tao “Sure you can. I did. I’m just cleaning up my desk now. You don’t want to work there any way Jim.”
andy “Make a small fire in the bin. Fire alarm sets off. Everyone evacuates. Jim goes on-line.”
tom “but for the Nannas night out I think we need scrotinseling”
chas “the bling minge, first cousin to the blanc mange!”

and as a date stamp I give you this, also from chassis… turn up speakers before pressing play. Also note chassies shirt in the team photo below.

match report 100304

March 10, 2010match report, team photostriker

5-3 vs Not Sure And The Result Isn’t Up On The Apsic Website Yet
DC(3,mom), CG(2,gk), TK, TH, TW, AW, JH

After many a game, at last a return to form, and a return to winning ways, for the men in brown. It wasn’t looking good at the start. NSATRIUOTAWY jumped in quick with a Zidane like turn in front of goal followed by a shot putting them one up inside the two minute mark. So rudely awoken the Nannas tightened their shit right up. Gilly kept his striker dreams alive with a couple of goals from the other end of the court (I’m still claiming the larger contribution to the second). A goal up heading towards halftime and the Nannas defence went to sleep letting NSATRIUOTAWY back into the game. Determined to not see a repeat of the first half kickoff the nannas were tight as a drum. Then the magic happened. Giller, reading the unambigous hand gestures of the author dropped the ball into open space deep down the right channel, The author managed to hold of his marker whilst doing that crazy 180˚ internal model switch (often required when enjoying a bit of the fris) and manged to slap it goalwards on the bounce… ba bang, 3-2 up. Not 2 minutes later another from the right (with Andy unsighted and perfectly positioned on the left) and the Nannas were two clear. A final glancing header was the nail in coffin. Giller is still safely in the drivers seat for the striker™ crown but a hat-trick from current incumbent threw a bit of spanner in the works…

What else. We ate at Pho Dzung which was good but were unable to get into either section 8 or the rooftop bar which was bad. A large group of aging men in bad clothes are apparently not the desireable client demographic for inner city bars these days… go figure.

timestamp notes:
Aperture 3 is a great update, definitely full interger (though still unable to delete directly off NAS) | New firmware for 5DII out in mid March as well as new log and transfer plugin… tight | RED-MX rollout met by rave reviews | Urchin poster about to go to print | Jim Cameron gets zero statues for Avatar | Fraser recommends Breaking Bad | April 10 locked in for the first of the Nanna anniversary celebrations | Tao coins controversial name Nannettes for the Nanna WAGs | The blog moves to new local servers | IMAP embraced by blog administrators

MATCH REPORT 11/02/10

February 16, 2010match reportcaptain

Game: NANNAS v’s ozspurs

Result 1 : 4

TEAM: JH , CG, AW , RH(MOM),CB , TW 1 (MOM), TH

Once again the Nannas can hold their heads up. Sure it’s not a victory hold, it’s not one of those weeks when you hold your head with both hands and really work up some serious friction. But it is a hold to be proud of, a single handed hold, maybe with the thumb free, maybe not. A hold that’s firm and purposeful and an action that has rhythm and spirit, a good honest hold.

That’s how I’ve found myself on several occasions this week, in a good honest hold, nothing flamboyent, no need for external stimulus but nothing fancy either. And that’s the problem. Next week I want to hold my head with a vigour that can only be found from a Nanna victory. It’s all very well saying that we played proudly, played well and were unlucky but losers don’t win trophy’s and that’s why we’re there.

It’s not that we need to do anything new. just do the things that we’re doing better. Chase harder, mark tighter and pass early – I can’t say it often enough – Pass early, pass early pass early pass early pass early.

Thomas took us to the Belgian Beer Cafe to perve on 16 year olds and their girlfriends.

MATCH REPORT 04/02/10

February 10, 2010match report, Uncategorizedcaptain

Game: NANNAS v’s Pornstars

Result 6 : 7 ?

TEAM: JH , CG 1, AW , RH 3 (MOM),CB 1 , TK, TW 1

Yes we lost, and that’s how it will stand in the scoresheets for eternity but this was a fit and agile Nanna outfit that took the game by the horns and that’s how we wish to be remembered.

This was a big step up for the Nans whp have been struggling with the heat and general lack of talent for several weeks now. There was cohesion, there was vision and there was determination, in short we had great cohvisination, and that’s what we needed. We created chances in front of goal and we punished mistakes at the back. We were unlucky not to go further in front, squandering a couple of easy opportunities.

At the back things tightened up, but they could tighten further still, its the old “mark your man” routine that let us down and our lack of drive post half time.

This game can be seen as a marker in the season, we turned around some bad form and built a platform from which to develop. The next quarter looks good for an increased revenue stream with off shore alliances proving resilient to the battering handed down by the European situation. If monetary funds can hold off from reporting on prospective capital acquisitions we can see real opportunities in the “winning” sector.

Takeshi took us to a favourite old haunt – prudence – and I reminisced about the night a stripper removed my pants upstairs.

MATCH REPORT 21/1/10

January 27, 2010match reportcaptain

GAME Nannas versus D W S Fc
RESULT n 1 : D W S Fc 6? maybe
PLAYERS CG, JH 1, TK, AW, RH (mom)

Once again it was a very tight first half, and the Nannas played well. Defence was fine, offence was coming together. Big Jim made his presence felt in the box, and we all know the smile that that produces.

Technically we began to put things together, second week runnning for the tight five and we were finding out groove, slowly, things were happening.

Then a little thing that I like to call “the second half” reared its ugly head and for the second week running the tight five slowed down just a touch. Infact it became a performance piece as the Nans attempted to outdo each other in lack of movement. It’s a very clever mind game, the only problem was that the opposition wasn’t clever enough to see it. If we had been playing a group of really clued up guys we would have screwed with their heads real bad. Unfortunately the dullards in the opposition just saw it as unfit sweaty men gasping for air and ran around us in a completely uncivilised manner.

It’s all about fitness for the next few weeks, I’ve downloaded the complete first season of Jane Fonda Work Out, oohh she’s hot, she’s real hot, and she sweats, she sweats like a man sweats, great rivers of sweat pooling in those artificial fibres. Take a swim gentlemen, dive in and swim with me, swim to the future.

Match report 17-12-2009

January 6, 2010match reportjimbob

Game: Nannas versus Esperanza
Result Nannas 4, Esperanza 2
Players CG, DC, CB, RH, AW, JH, TH (coach)

Preamble
Only a week following a loss in the grand final, and the again the Nannas lined up against Esperanza. Cocky in his match report put our loss down to not being hungry enough, living life a bit too large but this analysis is somewhat flawed. Yes we did play shit, and yes we did not deserve to win but it was not due to a lack of hunger.
It was more due to an over hunger, which made us play like an over eager teenager about to lose his virginity. The Nannas fumbled, the Nannas rushed unnessarily, the Nannas thought that every thrust had to be an incisive penetration.

I remember a lot of shouting, a lot of very shit, stunted play, although Cocky did slot home a very nice goal.

Compared to last’s nights game, the contrast could not have been greater.
Mention should be made of their eight-foot colossus, Dolph, who was replaced by his younger brother Irwin, who also deputised for most of the game in goal.

Last night’s game

There was passing of all variety, back passing, intelligent passing, passing that was quick and direct. But importantly this was coupled with a lot of movement off the ball. It was once said that Ian Wright was the best striker that England produced because he could create space not only for himself but for teammates through his running and movement. Words to think about.

In post match comments, again debate raged about the best approach for a final. On last night’s evidence six is the magic number. But let’s examine this formation and its merits. Coach was on the sidelines (which may or may not be the best place for him), and dapper as all get out, in his Arsene-style blue suit, coupled with New Balance sneakers, he talked a lot of sense to the Nannas, and this influence should not be underestimated. Gilla held the goals. Cocky spearheaded of our attack. Captain and I held the back. Chas patrolled the centre. And Wal watched for any cracks that opened backdoor.
It should be said here that while certain elements were missing from our game with different Nannas absent, the tight six is infinitely better than the bloated eight. First off a player only stays away from the action for two minutes, which is enough time to get a breather or recollect himself, as the case may be, and after a good speaking to by coach he can then throw himself into battle not having lost momentum but also in a directed manner. The tight six also has merit for building a combination throughout the game. What’s more defence is much easier to marshal, although you still have to yell at Cokcy and Chas to get on their man (but a good invective at the two aforementioned is almost as good as one at Tao).

There were only two lapses in defence for the Nannas that resulted in goals against us. The first one was mine, which I was duly and rightly criticised for. Even though I was marking my man, he got the drop on me after the ball took a deflection from the corner, but I was flat footed, which is always a fatal mistake so close to goals.
The second goal came with some confusion about who was picking up whom as the opposition ran with us. I shouted at Chas and Cocky, and Gill shouted at me, by which time they had three on one (me) and then it all went to shit.

But happily I got a hat trick, which more than made up for any defensive failings on my part

All in all a strong performance by the Nannas.

match report 091210 – Grand Final

December 17, 2009match reportstriker

1-2 v Esperanza
CB, DC(1,mom), CG(gk) JH, RH, TH, AW, TW, TK(coach)

It wasn’t my first thought but I did consider doing a hack job of sticking some nannas faces onto the morbidly obese (but happy) young ladies above. I decided not to for a couple of reasons. a) there were only four ladies and it would be mean to single out individual nannas, I suppose I could have made two headed nanna lady monsters… b) I didn’t really have time.

anyway, the reason I have included the figure above is to illustrate what I felt was the main failing of the nannas on this glorious night. The first Grand Final the nannas have seen in a long time saw a team that was simply not hungry enough. I was going to put another image here of a terrifyingly scrawny girl to illustrate the hunger of the opposition but it was too disturbing. Anyway, suffice it to say that they wanted it more. The nannas had some moves, some passing, a few saves, a few shots, but they didn’t have the fire, the drive, the were living just a little too large.

and if you don’t watch it this is what happens when you live too large…

Match report 091203

December 15, 2009match report, Uncategorizedbrown

Match report 2009-12-03
Vs gassius clay (semi-final)
3-2 victory

Through through through
We are
Through through through
It is true true true

We beat the angriest of the angry. The first goal came off the foot of the writer from a side ball. It glanced under the opposition’s foot and hit the net. The second goal was also mine and was a shot from right to left just outside the D. I took a second to line it up and the shot was true. The third and most sublime goal was off the foot of the back door specialist. Several passes back and forth in Nanna possession before a silkily elegant finish from the Walmartin.

Tao got a red card and was sent off in dubious circumstances. Kudos to Tao for demonstrating some calm. Strange that Jim started yelling at me when I complimented Tao on his calm but I guess he got the wrong end of the stick .

Match Report 091119 part B

November 25, 2009match reportcaptain

Forfeit
TH, RH, CB, DC, JH, AW, TW, TK

The 10:40 forfeit – what is that? no notification? That is rude is what that is.

What is ruder is that we then played the guys that are bored with playng for the Brazilian national side due to an overwhelming amount of talent.

It was ugly in the first half when they played with all 5 of their team, the second half could be seen as uglier still due to their reluctance to field the full quoter. I don’t think the Nannas have ever lost a half to a four man side but it has to happen to everyone at some stage and it feels like we were due.

There was a distinct lack of accountability in the Nannas defense and that is not what you want going into a finals campaign against the angriest group of young men ever to kick a ball.
It sets up a very interesting Nannas-intra-match to build us up for the finals. There are positions on the line and each nanna must perform to his/her own best to guarantee a spot in the finals’ seven (note use of apostraphe).

match report 091112

November 14, 2009match reportstriker

3-4 v (insert opposition team name here)
CB, DC(3,M), CG(gk) JH, RH, TH(ch), TK, TW, AW

we may have lost in the dying seconds but it was a fine game played by the nannas this eve. Andy and Takeshi were vying for my mom votes early on with some fine positioning and delicate footwork, Wal taking full kudos for going a couple of 50/50 balls with Dolf Lundgren. Chassy and Tao put in some meticulous passing, but for me, the captain’s fancy pants foot skills on a couple of occasions were the icing on the cake. Sometimes those cute moves really don’t come off (especially in front of our goal) but tonight the chi was flowing and the magic was happening, the cute was gold. As to the goals, they scored a couple of softies, and one other which I can’t remember. 3-1 down the nannas clawed it back only to have a draw snatched from their grasp, ironically, by a patented nanna set piece, the glancing header from the long ball. bugger.

from there it was straight to the Jam Factory for some of the special good times only delivered by Brassy Mr Springy™. And from there it was straight into the depths of Roland Emerich disaster blockbuster 2012. Having long been an avid disseminator of the 2012 prophecy I was pretty into the perfectly choreographed cataclysmic CGI mayhem… and given how high i was at the start I was even finding some of dialogue ‘interesting’. Then, as is the way with all such movies, the CGI balloon burst and we fell crashing back to shit fest island… ah well, chassy has promised some inaccessible french art house full of self destructive high breasted brunettes the next time he cooks… yay!

Match Report 2009_11_05

November 12, 2009match reportbrown

Vs Gassius Clay 6-4 win
DC 3 CB 2 TW 1

There were 8 brown nannas lining up to play
8 brown nannas lining up to play
But if one brown nanna should accidentally be late
Then that one brown nanna (tao) would have to bloody pay
(to the tune of 10 green bottles)

The harshness of the new Nanna rule.. although unenforced on this occasion due to some Pinball analogy the coach was busting out about not going out on the first ball. However I for one would like to express resistance to such a rule. Not so much the rule but the punishment for breaking it. I think a non-pecuniary penalty would be more in the Nanna spirit of brotherhood and brown pride. I am certainly not suggesting that tardiness should be smiled upon. Perhaps a game-time penalty would be more fitting.

So, the game. There was some extreme and unrelenting anger from one of their number. A very angry man.. A firecracker if you will and appropriately enough; going off on Guy Fawkes day. An unacknowledged fact by the nannas on this evening. I think it was good for us to see the ugly side of anger and it was generous of this fellow to give a textbook demonstration of how not to behave.

We won. And the indian was awesome. Kudos Jim.

MATCH REPORT 090911

September 11, 2009match reportcaptain

5-4 loss to baby faced assasins

RH(MOM)1 CB2 TW1 JH AW CG

If there’s such a thing as a good loss then this was a real ripper.

At one point in this game we were down 5-1 or maybe 5-2 and it was a real steep mountain in front of us. The Nanna Mattahorn.

Everyone knows that a mountaineer needs a rope and thats where the long legs of Jim Hannan come in to play, as a unit we grappled on those long twisted shanks of hemp and they held firm. Rope is useless without a carabina and nobody locks around jims limbs like chassey does, he was the stainless steel climbers friend that we all depended on. Andy Wong took the role of the chocolate bar, the back pocket man, one nibble and energy is restored. The axe at the core of all climbs bore the trademark ‘Weis’ and the gloves encircling that axes shaft had Chris Gill written all over them. So the tools wereall there and the climb was progressing at a great rate.

I took the humble role of the climbers penis for a true mountaineer climbs from his pants and so it is I that must take the brunt of the loss for if the pants of a climber cannot rise to the heights of greatness then the mountain shall win, and win it did.

A match report (of sorts)

August 10, 2009match reportjimbob

Match Report 2009_06_25

July 2, 2009match reportbrown

vs
4-2 win to Nannas
CB 2, DC 1, JH, TW, TK, RH, AW, CG, TH(coach)

Well, well, well.

On the Serengeti plains of western Africa there are heaps of wildebeasts. The meat is everywhere and the lion pride can take their pick. But then the grass disappears (Jim) and so does the meat (Jim). It’s called the great migration and it requires some pretty nifty motion graphics to really get a handle on it’s massive scope. But the poor old lionesses and lion cubs are territorial and they would rather starve than wear out their soft pussy paws on a big old march north on the tails of the Wilding ones. So they just wander around looking for meat, getting real hungry until hunks of their fur starts falling out and they turn into weak-ass niggas with no muscle.

The Nannas love to go four goals up. There’s nothing better. Kondo slots an early goal deep into the netting. Cocky slips a shanghai shuffler into the goal that drips in like we are watching that shit at 500 frames per second. And then he got a goal. Then the deeply bronzed thigh spasm worked some shadow subfloor toe-poke action that poltergeisted the ball into the netting like you need some magnetic resonance imaging to capture that detail. And the trappist monk style beer chaser to follow that single malt action was the finest of fine angled edge o’ the double bevel eye of the needle accurate to seventeen hundred decimal places thunder strike (you guessed it) deep into the netting. And then these nameless bitches who we can’t name get a couple of dodgy goals and it looks like we could just crumple into nothing and end up like those mangey lions in the Serengeti.

But we do not. Well, we don’t do no more killing. And we do look vulnerable a few times. But we survive that long hungry stretch towards the end of the 36 minutes and we can leave the building heads held high. And being humans we just head off to The Station Hotel in Footscray (thank you Tao) and Cocky eats half a kilo of beest and we drink some beer and all is right with the world.

Good. Solomon turned 4 today.

Match Report 11 June 2009

June 16, 2009match reportjimbob

Nanna versus La Chivas
Score: Nannas 4, La Chivas 8
Attendees: CB, JH, RH, TH, TK, AW
Goals: CB 2, JH 2

Statistical breakdown

Nannas
Time in possession: 25%
Shots on goal: 10
Shots on target: 5
Shots taken (expressed as a percentage) from half way 1%, sideline 0%, outside attacking third 10%, inside attacking third, 89%.

La Chivas
Time in possession: 75%
Shots on goal: lost count at about 100
Shots on target: must have been about 100
Shots taken (expressed as a percentage) from half way 10%, sideline 20%, outside attacking third 30%, inside attacking third, 40%.

Pre-game
Ref said: ‘You’re in for a special surprise tonight’. And for a moment I thought he had something in store for us before or after the game. Could be dancing girls, some mechanical device where we get to test our manliness. And I wondered why he had chosen us above all the other teams. Maybe he had done the same for all the other teams. But then I remembered that we were here to play soccer, and, even though he was un-clear in his communication, I took it to mean that he was referring to our forthcoming opposition. And so he was.

The opposition
They were good. Indeed their only weak link was their goalie but he even he had his merits, being blessed with a larger than average frame. Apart from him, all had good foots skills, and all could and did score goals. But there were two among them that stood out. First the tall man, called Thomas. He could run, he could pass but his specialty was winding up from anywhere, and I mean anywhere, and sending a missile toward goal. Indeed, if he did not put his foot into touch just prior to the first half whistle, he would have scored from the sideline right on halfway.
Then there was their number 7, Joey. The main problem with this punk is that we could not get the ball off him no matter how hard we tried. The other problem was that he could shoot from just about anywhere too.
So, as the captain pointed out, we could not back off as they would shoot, and we could mark them close because they would just go straight around us.

The Nannas
As the statistics show, the score line could have been much, much worse. But the Nannas were brave and true. We went into half time just a goal down, and we were well in the match.
Apart from a short period after the half time interval we were competitive, we strong, we played to our strengths.
Kondo stood tall in goals, almost breaking an arm trying to stop a shot. His distribution was measured and his bravery never in question.
Andy was again at his back door antics, but again service to him was sparse. But he more than made up for this with his solid defence and some fine passing.
The Chasm, being by far the fittest Nanna, showed his athletic prowess, being everywhere, and was very unlucky not add to his night’s goal tally.
The Captain, as a good leader does, went after the opposition’s best player, using the thrusting crotch to bum move to try to dislodge the ball free from this player’s possession.
Lastly the Coach ran the floor like a jolly brown giant, making sure that the Nannas had a role model we could look up. Yes, true inspiration.

Post Script

Due to our braveness the ref said that La Chivas would probably, most certainly stay in our division. Apparently they came up to div 2 only recently, and have been trouncing the opposition about 20 zip ever since. That is until they met us.

Mid-season report

June 11, 2009match reportjimbob

This report will be broken into two sections, including:
An analysis of the Nanna – Annual relationship.
Mid-season player ratings.

The Nanna – Annual relationship
Yes, it would appear that the Annual are our bogey team. We either thrash them by about 10 goals, or go behind early, play shit and never make it up. These two scenarios have occurred in equal measure but the Annual would appear to be a good barometer of Nanna form. If we are playing well, we usually have it all over them. If we are playing shit, we are continually struggling to get past them and they hustle us out of the game.

Nanna player ratings (in alphabetical order)
Please note, these rating are on current form only.

Chris Brown
Finding his way back into form after an enforced lay-off. There have been flashes of brilliance from the Chasm, but we are still yet to see this season the triple MOM winning playing that was a hallmark of his last season.

Daniel Crooks
Usually the main Nanna spearhead, Cocky too is yet to hit top form. It is the little things, the first touches, the timing, the sweet shots, that seem to stopping our striker from bagging his customary triples and quadruples.

Chris Gill
While some (still) question the sameness and accuracy of our number one keeper’s distribution, I myself tend to think this part of his game has improved significantly, with his shots on goal being now a special feature of his game. What I would like to see our affroed one bring into his game is the looped throw to a Nanna’s foot.

Rhian Hinkley
Like the Chasm, our Captain is returning from an enforced lay-off. In the last couple of games he has shown glimpses of his foot skills and poise on the ball. If the Nannas are to build a solid base and a run at the title, we will need our Captain’s special touch.

Tom Howie
Remains a solid performer, organiser and settler (of out of control brown men) in the heart of the Nanna mid-field. While not the quickest man over the first ten yards, he has shown a deadly accuracy with his big toe, which he needs to more often. He also needs to be more vocal in defence, as people do have a habit of listening to him.

Takesh Kondo
Our number two in goals has shown some stirling out-of-goals defensive work in the last couple of weeks; his heart and scollops of steep never in doubt. Personally I would like to see him get on the ball more often. He has far more skills than he has ever shown when on court with the Nannas.

Tao Weis
Tao has been absent lately but I fear this has not been all his fault. We have missed him. In his last outing he illegally dropped a opposition player without the slightest hesitation, just ‘cause he felt like it. This is least of his capabilities. We need to get him back on court, immediately.

Andy Wong
Andy is our silent penetrator who has a knack of getting into the opposition’s rear end. Yet in the last couple of games our service to Andy and his runs has been poor. Andy has another penetrative weapon, his right foot. From time to time Andy has used this weapon to greater effect but from my point of view needs to hold possession more, pick his target and deliver with his right hoof, as we know he can.

Match report 14 May 2009

May 28, 2009match reportjimbob

Nannas versus Los Pitufos
Score: 6 apiece
MOM: JH
Goals: JH 2, DC 2, RH 1, OG 1

The basic elements of the game:
Taper Mr Whitey
A close relation of Brassy Mr Springey, Mr Whitey was in action on this night. While some Nanna brethren feel that such activities are somewhat silly, I prefer DC’s code, and I quote: ‘it is useful on occasions but must not be over used, as then it becomes a crutch’. Or something to that effect. For me on this evening it was useful.

The first couple of minutes
I scored two goals. Yes my eyes were somewhat glazed but I could make out the court, the other players and the posts.

The next couple of minutes
It was pretty even here, although one did have the feeling that the opposition were our bitches. They only had one player that would do us any harm. See next comment.

Yelling at a fellow Nanna
In my last report I had written how the yelling at fellow Nannas was a practice that went against every Nanna philosophy and should be stamped out of the Nanna game as quickly as possible. Lucky for me I deleted this passage.
On this night, after seeing DC trail behind his direct opponent (the aforementioned one who had all the skills) who then whacked the ball repeatedly into CG and then scored, I gave DC about three ear fulls, which he duly deserved.
As acting captain, even when the captain is there, I feel it is my duty to get all up in other people’s shit,

The second half of the first half
DC got a nice striker’s goal, being on hand to convert a spilled ball from the keeper, after I took a penalty.

The goal of the game
A true Nanna sucker punch as RH got his head to a CG throw. The angle, the head, the ball, the opposition keeper spread-eagled: it will live long in the memory of all those who were lucky enough to witness it.

The second half
Contrary to popular belief, the Nannas did score in the second half, apart from the own goal that opposition put against our tally. I squeezed a ball to DC who got himself adjacent to the near post. He stuck out a toe to my cross.

A crazy three minutes
DC and JH were off, if that makes any difference. The score was 5 to 1, in our favour. In three minutes it went to 5 apiece. Fingers are not pointed but fuck me.

The last minutes
DC forced an own goal out of the opposition. The opposition got away with a penalty and subsequently scored.

Special mentions
TK: some great defence.
DC: some nice goals and some coolness in the face of a barrage of hostility.

Match report 07-05-2009

May 13, 2009match reportjimbob

This was a bad, bad night for the Nanns, we played a third division team, we lost, we lost bad, if the truth be old we were insipid, unexiting, bland, stale, maybe we missed Gill, or Tao or both, maybe it was because we didn’t think it was competitive, or we had too many chances in the first ten minutes that we could not convert, or maybe it was Andy turning up late, or the coach or captain failing to communicate that the loser of the game would not get points, even though we were playing a forfeited match, which convinced some of us not to take the game seriously until about half time, or maybe it was because most of us do not get high for the game anymore, which makes us, contrary to popular opinion, shit, or maybe it was because we were playing a third division team and their two best players turned up right when we felt most comfortable, which lulled us into a false sense of security, or maybe it was a return to the pits, or maybe it was too much soccer last week, or maybe it Manchester United on the threshold of winning the premier league as well as the champions league for the second year running.

Maybe it was because we knew we were going to the chief afterward, maybe the thought of the chief depressed and saddened us because we know it is a shit venue and the captain was yet again trying to fuck us, which he likes to do these days, but maybe I am too harsh on the captain for he pay us back the extra money he owed us that he overcharged at the bushfire soccer fundraiser, or maybe the thought of the chief reminded us that we are not young men anymore, like those heady days when Cocky was first going for a job at ACMI, and the place was lively, and it was not deserted like it is now, and we still felt the thrill at the anticipation of competitive sport when it was not hard to get all excited with many butterflies in our tummies at the mere mention of playing on the hallowed turf of the APISC, when work was not too much, and multiple babies didn’t make sleep difficult, and partners / wives did not tear us away from the pitch, and we played against suckers that we could take down ten nil, when we could go out afterward and drink until midnight with many reefers and the promise of the odd impromptu thrown in, when we are not thinking about the next day, when we were not thinking about performing and being coherent when meeting with the CEO and senior management, when the ride was not a struggle, when our thigh muscles did not ache for two days after running, when our bodies were repairing themselves overnight, when we could still perform complex cerebral tasks after about 2pm after drinking five beers and smoking countless reefers the night before, when soccer seemed like it would go on forever, but now we are perhaps thinking differently, thinking how we preserve the little energy, the little strength, the little endurance that is left in our bodies, maybe we are thinking about a switch to a sport that has less impact that does not take as much time to recover from, that will not fuck us up bad for weeks on end if we do happen to have a mishap, but then maybe we think that these thoughts are all a bit premature and we remember teams like the wasted youth who were mostly forty-five plus and were still able to whip much younger men like us in our heyday, and maybe we will stat thinking about playing smarter, letting the ball do the work instead of us doing it, which has been the Nanna way for many a year but maybe getting older is exactly what the Nannas need to reinvigorate our game, our style of play, maybe it is what we need to conserve out energies and bodies so that we have a good another ten years in us, and then some.

MATCHREPORT 2009_04_09 (2 of 4)

April 14, 2009match reportjimbob

The night started badly for the Nannas
First was the issue of a Nannas exodus. Sure it was Easter and sure a lot of Nannas be whipped by their respected misuses but this was a crucial game. It was the week before the finals. It was a week that the Nannas needed to work out combinations, settle on formation, find form.
NB: Word on the street has it that one or two Nannas were still in town on Thursday night, packing trailers or some shit. It is only a rumour mind.

There was the issue of a missing match report,which left many Nannas feeling betrayed, stricken, rudderless—one was even seen vomiting in the bin outside the stadium. The author of this report has subsequently said that his girlfriend will provide him a note but we all know what that means.

Then the ref turned up a good ten minutes late and allowed the opposition to bring on a merry stream of subs from the teams lining up to play after us. An official complaint has been lodged.

Finally our Brazilian import, who Tao promised had more foot skills than a raver on half a dozen pills, said that he would have to go to another game at eight, leaving us in the lurch for the last half of the second stanza.

The tight five
The righteous Nannas were: Tao, Kondo, Gilla, I (James) and our Brazilian import, Geido.

The game
For the first five minutes the Nannas line up against an opposition of four. We were lazy, we were sluggish, we were sloppy, and soon we were a goal down. But we hit back pretty swiftly when I (James) fed a speculative cross court ball to Tao, standing five metres out from goal. I thought he side netted but the ball, so I am told, went in.

And this is how it went for the rest of the game. The Nannas not quite with it in defence but able to rally and keep on level terms.

Our main problem was losing the ball mid court with one or two men caught up front, leaving the back outnumbered and exposed. It be a common problem for the brown men, and one that the coach and captain will need to account for come game day this week.

To be fair though, we were a disjointed outfit, with our style of play not befitting all members of the team—Geido especially. His foot skills and constant need of the ball did at times perplex us. Yet, there were a few notable occasions when we did function as a unit, holding the ball for at least one or two passes and communicating with a reasonable amount of composure.

In the end the opposition pulled a couple of goals in front and we could not pull it back.

Special mentions
Tao: for not getting into a fight but also holding the Nannas together when must of us thought we were elsewhere.

Kondo: for some inspired running, especially in defence. On more than one occasion he was the crucial stopper of an opposition move, intercepting at the pivotal moment.

Kondo: for taking us to one of the finest Japanese eating establishments in town.

Geido: for putting up with a team of soccer fools, who are not a patch on his Brazilian-ness.

Gilla: for bringing his unwashed dirty jocks to the game–such a treat.

Gilla: for keeping the opposition’s goals to only eight when it could have easily been twenty eight.

And I (James): for popping up twice for two consecutive Gilla throws: the first caused a goalie own goal; the second came off the top of my foot. Two minutes, two throws, two goals.