All posts by jimbob

Result: ??? 7 plays Nannas 3
Attendees: CB, DC, JH, TH, TK
Goals: CB 2, JH 1
MOM: JH

Pre-game

Ghee and I visited the Coach’s kid. She’s a cutie. Lots of dark hair. Great bowel movements. A bit grisly on this occasion though.

The match

It was a tight five configuration. Gilla, Tao, Andy and Captain made themselves unavailable. Coach was back but Ghee got off at Redfern, with a serious little toe injury.
The first five minutes. Both teams were in slow motion.
The next10 minutes. We went behind 4 nil. They got two from headers. Cocky gave them a gift (a telegraphed pass right in front of our goal), which they gratefully accepted. Jim gave them a present too (a very soft pass on our side of halfway). They had to work a bit harder to convert that one.
We got one back. Chas to Tommy, Tommy to Jim, Jim on his preferred side in space. Jim slots it past the keeper.
Half time 4 to 1. We were playing better than them. We seemed to have more of the ball and lots of half chances, which we didn’t convert. They had more luck in front of goal.
The second half. Very similar to the first. We seemed to playing better than them but on the scoreboard their tally progressed at a greater rate than ours. We got two to their three. Chas slammed one at their goalmouth from a side restart forcing an error and a goal. Chas slotted home for a second time after the ref gave us a break (probably because Gilla wasn’t there). They got theirs on the break, one of which was another header.
It always felt like we would better them until a couple of minutes from the end. We had a number of clear-cut chances that on any other night we would have taken. Chas missed from point blank range, trying to recover a ball from very high in the air in a sort of scissor kick manoeuvre. Jim was one on one with the goalie only for the ball to bobble just as he was going to hit it. Cocky should have had a couple.

Analysis

The Nannas put out a very strong team. Kondo made some fine saves. Tommy had a fine return performance post baby birth. Chas was strong and true. Cocky played without luck in front of goals but still threatened for most of the match.
The tight five was gold. We played with cohesion, holding the ball nicely and for the most part finding people with our passes. Towards the end, we did slow a bit.
Our defence was shit. We could not stop bleeding goals. But it has to be said that a least half of their goals were from headers, which are hard to defend against. Gilla needs to go watch their keeper, who could teach him a thing or two about when and how to throw the long ball.
Ghee, as coach, apparently was giving us encouragement and direction from the sideline but I really didn’t hear him. Post match it was said that he had removed his shoes and socks mid-game to inspect his seriously injured toe. Interesting.

Afterward

We went for plates upon plates of fried chicken and, to wash it down, a keg of beer. We drank it all.

Verdict

If only we had of won it would have been one of the better nights of my life.

What Guy said

March 8, 2012jims quote of the weekjimbob

What, is he home schooled?

The shittest Nanna photo ever taken?

February 16, 2012new photojimbob

Only Cocky is marginally in focus, Rhian is obscured by Cocky and Ghee is in the shower.

Match report 09-02-2012

February 16, 2012MOM votesjimbob

Nannas 3 versus Hampton FC 5
Nannas: CB, DC, GF, CG, JH, RH, TH
Goals: CB 2, JH 1
MOM: JH

1. A quick breakdown of the match

First five minutes
We started strong: Chassy got the first for the match, slotting a right footer from a delicate angle. We seemed like we were going to get on top.

Next ten minutes
They scored four. They hit us repeatedly with some very well taken half chances that even Gilla had trouble getting his hands on.

The goals resulted from a Nanna not marking close enough, a Nanna being a bit too slow to get to their man in front of goal, or the ball dropping luckily for them and a Nanna unable to respond quickly enough.

Half time score: 4-1

First ten minutes of the second half
The Nannas got back in it. We held firm at the back and got a couple to bring it back to 4-3. The first was a bit lucky. From a side kick in Chassy whacked it toward me in goal and I got a touch as it went in to the back of the net; the second was similar but this time Chassy slammed it home after I tried a back heal to no effect and a goal mouth scramble.

Last minutes
We pressed and pressed and pressed but couldn’t come up with an equaliser. Then they got one, a good one (again our marking was a bit slack), to put them two in front with about minute on the clock.

2. Analysis of our current slump

Are we suffering the classic post glory hangover?
Possibly. We did play very well in the finals series late last year and it was always going to be hard to maintain that sort of standard week in week out. What’s more a lot of Nannas, if my festive season was anything to go by, overindulged over Christmas a lot more than they should have.

Is it the unsettled lineup?
The early new year always poses problems for the Nannas. Cocky and Chas like to get a bit camp. Andy likes to cultivate a beard. Guy and Jim are solely focused on Orientation. And Tao has been in and out (of the team) more than a teenager on his first visit to a brothel. It doesn’t help.

Do we kick it away too much?
We did last week, and one game earlier in the season when Gilla went on of a bit of a I’m-going-to-pepper-the-back-wall-above-the-opposition’s-goal rampage. But for the most part and especially last night we have been getting a lot better in our general play.

Do we need to train?
It would help but this is very unrealistic. As any Nanna knows organising anything Brown always comes with the possibility of death by a thousand emails.

Is it all about Chassy’s injuries?
It has been said that we cannot win without the Chasm. While the fool that said this needs a good slap over around head, it is true Chas does bring a lot to our team. However, we have won without Chassy before and as shown last week Chassy shouldn’t play if his groin muscle is inflamed from over use.

Does Cocky need to score more goals?
Yes and no. Yes because he hasn’t been hitting the back of the net that much lately and when he’s on form his goals usually come in batches. No because there are other Nanna goalscorers, namely Tao and Chassy, who regularly get on the scoresheet. And, with the Captain, Coach, Gill and Jim chipping in from time to time, we usually get enough.

Were the Nannas holding their collective breath at the impending birth of the coach’s first?
Maybe. Hard to say. Coach seemed pretty relaxed about it all, although he did want a piece of that little nancy-boy punk, who whinges and cries every time someone even looks sideways at him. I guess we will see this week if the birth of a new Nanna will inspire us to new heights.

Do we need to play positions?
Definitely. In attack Jim, Coach and Chas need to start at the back and push forward. Cocky, Tao and Captain need to start in midfield pushing forward. Guy and Kondo need to start deep forward and then push back toward our own goal.

In defence, we just to mark the fuck up and stay the fuck with our man.

Are we getting too old?
Never. The Nannas will never be too old.

Is it all Ghee’s fault?
Secretly in everyone’s heart of hearts we all know everything’s Ghee fault. What’s more, it makes perfect sense to blame him for everything. It just does.

Finals coach—player ratings

December 9, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

10/10 Chas
Ruled the mid-field. Very influential.

10/10 Kondo
Ran like a maniac. Vital touches in defence just as we were taking the game away from them.

9/10 Tao
Enforced the contact area. Scored a corker.

9/10 Cocky
In the right areas. Unlucky not to get 3 or 4.

9/10 Tom
Solid in defence. Menacing in forays forward.

9/10 Gill
Didn’t have much to do. Got busy with gaols.

9/10 Frasay
Got well forward. Put himself where he wasn’t wanted.

8/10 Andy
Excellent support. Loses a point for not being able to play.

5/10 Captain
With us in spirit. Loses points for not being there.

Your one tactical principle for this evening

December 8, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

The one tactical principle that you must obey:
Use any means to inflict the maximum amount of wound, death, and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time.

A little poem to get you going

December 1, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

For in battle just as in loving you must keep on shoving
Or you’ll never get your reward.
For if you are dilatory in the search for lust or glory
You are up shitcreek and that’s the truth, Oh, Lord.

Growing

November 24, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.

The Nanna furnace

November 10, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

(Questions for the Nannas) Match report 27 October 2011

November 2, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

Nannas 3 versus Pornstars 2

CB, GF, CG (1), JH (MOM), RH, TH, TW (1), AW

Questions posed pre-game:
Where is Ghee going to take us after the game and will it be any good? Does Ghee understand what ‘a cook’ entails? Who will drive from Northside? Who are we playing and what time? Who is playing? Is arguing about driving schedules, petrol mileage and how many people carried a Nanna thing to do? Are the Northsiders crazy? Where are Kondo and Cocky this week? What if Cocky didn’t actually have a keen interest in statistics? Are there too many emails sent during the flurry? Should we ban people from having their say in the flurry if they are not playing? Has Gill driven enough to warrant him never driving to a Nanna game again? Is it wise to drink a V before the game? Is it wise to get high before the game? How did Chas, or Hinkley for that matter, feel about the All Blacks winning the World Cup? How many Nanna emails does it take to organise something? Did Hinkley intentionally miss Gill off the list when talking about picking people up Northside? How much did Ghee pay for his new shoes? Are Ghee’s new shoe’s to everyone’s liking? Where would the flurry be without Andy taking the piss out of people?

Questions posed during the game:
Is too eight too many to have on an indoor soccer team? Is it better to have a larger team when it is hot? Are the Pornstars the same team without their English import? Can the Nannas convert all the possession they are enjoying into goals? Did anyone think the Pornstars own goal a bit sus? Do the Nannas have any attacking ability without Cocky? Is it right for Phil to play for a team when they already have five? Should Phil be allowed to score? Will Phil score? Are the Nannas getting too old? Is Hinkley really a god? Would it be wise to try to overthrow Hinkely for his captaincy? Should Tommy take a course in football tactics, so he can really Coach us? Should Chassy play a more playmaking role? Is it wise to bait a member of the opposition? Is the Pornstar’s keeper psycho? Should the Nannas get angry during a game? Will the Nannas ever stop bickering with one another? Doesn’t Gilla’s arse/hips get sore from all the jumping around he does? Can anyone ever get past Ghee? Can Gilla really score from between his own goal posts? Will Gilla save the penalty? Will Tao score in the dying seconds and win us the game? Will Hinkley and Tao realise that there is about 10 seconds for the opposition to score?

Questions posed post game:
Are the Nannas on a lucky streak? Is SIRI any good? Should one’s cooking effort be judged by those who leave early? How many beers did Ghee bring? How do you set reminders on your iPhone? Is the meatball soup noodle any good? Does Tommy have an unhealthy obsession with tripe? Should a player being high affect the number of votes he gets for MOM? Who is MOM? How many tokes should one have on a joint before getting on the train back to Malmsbury? What games are you playing on your iPhone at the moment? Is Tommy really the best choice for climbing on people’s backs? What is $100 divided by eight? Did Ghee get any cash for the beers he bought? Will Ghee hump his new flatmate? Will Ghee have a party at his new house soon? Will a select group of Nannas play golf this Thursday? Will everyone be able to make a 6 pm game next week? Who cooks next week?

I like the sound of the revenge bit

October 27, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?

Your enemies

October 20, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

It is best to judge someone by the enemies they make.

One for all Wallaby fans

September 22, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

On the field there are only two states of being: you are either useful or useless.
John Eales.

One to really think about

September 1, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

The difference between a true Nanna and a pretender is his strip. The true Nanna cares about the logo on the front. The pretender only cares about the name on the back.

Match report 25/08/2011

September 1, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

Attendees: CB, DC, CG, JH, TH, AW

Goals: CB 2, DC 2, JH 3

Result: Nannas 7 plays #$%^&* 2

The second game of the season and the Nannas had something to prove. The week before we drew with a weakened Annual outfit, letting an equaliser in, in the last minute. It was shitful. It was heinous. It was an abomination. As you can see, I am having some trouble letting go of the hatred I feel at such a miserable result.

So we lined up against a new opponent. They looked competent in the warm-up (never a good indicator), but as Andy said in the warm up, ‘I don’t care who they are, it’s time they got ripped a new arsehole.’

The Nannas were six, the perfect size, and made up of some very brown men.

Gilla took up his customary place in goals. GHBG’ed he may not have been but his glare was steely, his tracky dacks stained and his hair resolutely fluffed.
Cocky was at the opposite end and his return to the field of battle has been good for the Nannas. If he is not hitting keepers in the face with shots, he is at least creating an outlet up front where there previously was none.
Chassy and Andy prowled midfield. The two complemented each other nicely. Andy is all sneak, his best trick getting in behind oppositions, especially newbies who don’t know of the terror of his backdoor raids and scything right foot.
Chassy played the classic everyone at once role. Like Nick Reiwolt he does seem to be carrying an injury at the moment, but unlike the Saints spearhead he would never let this get in the way of a fine game.
Tommy and I guarded our rear end. Tommy started from middle right, making many a lumbering run through the middle, while I penetrated from deep, down the left hand side.

The first half was a classic arm wrestle, with neither side taking a clear cut advantage. We got two past them: one from my head from a long Gill throw; Chas got the other, being Johnny on the spot to slam home into an open goal after Cocky caused a bit of mayhem up front.

They did get one back on us but chasms were beginning to open up in their defense. It seemed like they did have a lot of possession in that first half but as both Tommy and I later agreed our defense was never really threatened. They had little cohesion and their best player repeatedly went himself and then made jokes after we scored goals on the rebound (after about the sixth goal and he knew he was beaten he got decidedly grumpy, which was something of a highlight).

The second half came and the Nannas swiftly got on top. Possession swung in our favour dramatically and it was only a question of if we could put it on the board, and, put them away.

Again and again our passes stuck and with time and space we lined up for shot after shot on goal. Cocky had more chances to poke home than a stud bull in springtime but he either had trouble hitting the target or was thwarted by their keeper. His best effort was a toe hack from straight in front that zipped past a number of their defenders and was heading for the top right corner until their shot stopper miraculously got the ends of his fingers to it.

From corner restarts resulting from some of these awry shots, I was able to slot home twice, latching onto passes delivered by a most benevolent Chas.

Then Cocky finally got on the score sheet, slotting home from a most difficult angle. He later commented that he was trying to cross the ball but it didn’t look that way.

There were two other goals scored by Chas and Cocky but right now I cannot seem to recall them.

Afterward Chassy cooked but I had a date with the 9:15 to Bendigo. Even so, this Nanna went home well satisfied with his evening’s work.

04 August 2011

August 4, 2011new photojimbob

Match report 26 05 2011

June 2, 2011match reportjimbob

Playing: JH, TH TW, RH, TK, PC, CB, DC (coach)

Score: 3 Red Peppers to 1 Nannas

Mid season analysis.

After a string of losses the Nannas sit near the bottom of the table. This week we were beaten by an average adversary, who we should’ve done better against. The week before we apparently played worse (although no one really wants to talk about it) but suffice it say our prospects for this season are looking bleak.

So it becomes incumbent on this Nanna to examine closely how the Nannas are travelling and suggest, from my seat on the train, how we might salvage something from the season.

Last night was one of only a handful of games I had played this season. There wasn’t that much difference to a lot of other outings. We were fairly tight at the back (they only tore us open on one occasion), we were mostly in control of our passing (meaning, we still did kick it away a lot). And we did pull some good moves from time to time but suffered that most heinous affliction, which usually happens against Hampton FC, of not being able to score.

The problem, from this correspondent’s point of view, does not come specifically from any one team member.

The Captain continues to impress with his form, following on from a strong showing last season. Indeed, he seems to be having something of rennainance with his running, passing and shooting. While the years have slowed him somewhat (I can see him straining, trying to make his non-compliant body move more swiftly) his touch and confidence have been outstanding.

Chassy, by contrast, has lost nothing of his speed, moving about the court, lithe as a tiger, hungry for the ball and a piece of anyone that gets in his way. Chassy has the skills and a shot to rival any of the Nannas but could take more time over the ball, meaning a touch every now and then, so he can use these his attributes more effectively.

Then there’s Tao. One of our key competitive animals and when on song indispensable to our fortunes. He embodies the true Nanna spirit of fight, fight and then fight some more. Was good last night and is now passing earlier but at times lets his emotions rule him.

Tommy remains Tommy, dependable, unflappable and most times the keeper of the Nanna’s rational side (except when he’s arguing with Gilla at a halftime interval). Could play more on the balls of his feet, ready to snuff out danger or toe poke home when the opportunity arises.

Takesh. Last night Takeshi was magnificent in goals and except for a blemish approaching half time would have been man of the match, hands down, again showing his extraordinary powers in goals. He may not have the flair or the long shot of Gilla but he more than makes up for it in pure balls.

Last but by no means least was the ringer, aka Pete Circuit. Pete, by his own admission, may not be the most skillful player (which probably describes most Nannas) but showed guts, no hesitation to get his hands dirty (the way he bundled opponents made me proud) and a willingness to put the team ahead of his own self, running himself into the ground, at which time he had to come off and have a lie down. But he soon pulled himself up to do it all over again.

So the problem then is not with the personnel we have been putting on the field. And unlike this game, for the most part we have been getting on the scoresheet nicely. But sometimes you do get the feeling, as do some of our opponents, that some of our goals are all arse: the dipping shot from downtown; the patented Nanna sucker punch (the header coming from a Gill throw). Don’t get me wrong, there have been some fine moves and fine goals over the last little while (recent efforts from Hinkley, Chassy and Tao come to mind) but what we are sorely missing is that selfish, single-minded striker, someone who can steady in front of goal and consistently put a couple away. To my mind only Cocky truly brings this to the side. Get better soon striker.

A second problem is structure and awareness. The Nannas have neither. On too many occasions we fail to recognise space staring us in the face, instead wanting to be played the ball in bad position. On a number of times the other night we had all bunched in our own half drawing our direct opponents with us, leaving, as they say in footy, our forward 50 very open. A lobbed ball into that space with someone running onto it would have resulted in a one on one with the goalie but no one really noticed and the opportunity went begging.

For any Nannas going forward, remember Ian Wright, who said, ‘it’s the off the ball running that kills ‘em.’

Maybe it’s time the coach and his assistant get out their whiteboard and get the Nannas working on a couple of simple things that could potentially buy us more time and easy opportunities.

Afterward we went to Africa Town and much to my surprise my choice of venue was voted on. Someone in their infinite wisdom decided to add another layer of beige to what is already, every Thursday, a very brown set of proceedings. Never let it be said that the Nannas don’t live up to their name.

Anyhow, before voting I heard someone comment that their bread was cold (no shit!), then gave me a one.

Let’s get serious about our sport

March 31, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting.

A Feast of Nannas

March 24, 2011team photojimbob

Team Photo 20110310

Buddy buddy

March 24, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

Don’t get buddy-buddy with the opposition. If you need a buddy, then buy a dog.

The art of battle

March 10, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

The art of battle is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.

Back it up

March 3, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

It’s not bragging if you can back it up.

Orders for today

February 24, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

Firstly you must always implicitly obey orders, without attempting to form any opinion of your own regarding their propriety. Secondly, you must consider every man your enemy who speaks ill of your uniform; and thirdly you must hate the opposition as you hate the devil.

Immoral

February 17, 2011jims quote of the weekjimbob

Every Nanna thinks something of the moral aspects of what he is doing. But all sport is immoral and if you let that bother you, you’re not a good Nanna.

Curtis Lemay

Nicey versus the cooker: match report 3 Feb 2011

February 10, 2011Uncategorizedjimbob

Nannas 5 plays Pornstars 7

CB, DC, CG, JH, RH, TH (2), AW, TW (2)

Well, here I was, standing on the sideline watching as the game started against the same team we had played only two weeks before. They beat us 13 to 5 last time. One side of me (let’s call him Nice Jim) was hopeful, thinking, well maybe with an almost full bench of subs, and with Gill, Cocky, Chas and Tao back in the fold we could make an imprint on these bastards, maybe we could even go one better and take the little shits down a peg.

But then my other side (let’s call this one Cooker Jim) was all like, Jesus, what if we do beat them, what would it look like having lost to them one week by a margin of eight goals and then the next week coming back and winning. For a start all my plans of restructuring the team would go astray. I would also have to put up with Cocky telling me how like Arsenal it was, you know, like the time little Cesc was out injured for most of the season, resulting in a slide down the Premiership ladder, only for him to come back and the Gunners to find some form again. I hate Arsenal. Or Tao, who I sent a text message to, after our loss last time, saying, in jest, that it was his absence that was the cause of us losing by so great a margin the week before. Or Chas, who I would have to sit down and, with our eyes locked in a deep and intense gaze, apologise for our previous dismal display.

It seemed like my text message to Tao was a good omen for he started with an early goal. Nice Jim was all happy, pushing Cooker to the side of my brain for a minute, as the thrill of being in front consumed me, forcing me to yell and scream encouragement to Tao, telling him how good he was (it’s true!)

I then came on and of course Nicey and Cooker had to take a back seat, for there are no sides, no prejudices, no hesitancy when a Nanna takes the field. A Nanna is brave and true and fights for all he is worth, to death, for, as all Nannas know, we dishonour never, ever our grandmothers or any female who we may be distantly related to.

Soon after Tao scored again and Nicey was riding pretty high but Cooker was all like, man, just settle a bit, it’s so early in the match and shit, these guys can play. But even so Nicey had it that the one chink in our opponents armour, their shit defence, was being exposed. And so it went. From two corners, Tommy stood statuesque in front of their goals waiting for a cross, which came, and which he cooly put away. I say statuesque because there he was, stationary, with literally metres of space around him. Nicey took infinite satisfaction from this seeming over-confidence from our opponents, like they thought they were so good they didn’t need to mark us or anything. What’s more Gilla denied the opposition’s best player from what seemed a certain goal, pulling off what some would later say was the save of the whole ten years the Nannas had been playing. Could it really be true that we were beating these guys, giving them a right royal old taste of their own medicine?

I think it was four zip at this stage and old Cooker definitely couldn’t believe it, walking around muttering to himself. But then our opponents, or shall I say, one player from the opposition started to gather steam, running around us like we weren’t there. And then the inevitable happened. He scored. Even though he was on the sideline and even though there was a Nanna shadowing him, he was able to produce a stinging shot that hit the far top corner of goal. Even Gill could do nothing. We got another goal somewhere, somehow, I do not remember who it was. Five to one. And that was the way it stayed until half time.

After the interval, there was something of a change in the complexion of the match. The Nanna scoring dried up, even though we had our chances, but the opposition seemed to find not just more ball but more space with the ball. Again their whippet-like star player led the charge with many a run starting deep in his own half and finishing somewhere deep in ours.

The following are the crucial moments of that second half that decided it.

One, Tao missing a sitter in front of goal. The pass came quick, it wasn’t as well directed as it could have been, being ever so slightly behind him, but with an open goal beckoning, he stabbed at it, trying to hit it too hard, and he missed the ball entirely. As Nicey noted, the omens had changed.

Two, their whippet like star player ran past a couple of Nannas down the right. He was pushed into the far corner where he delivered a blistering cross. I was on the back post marking one of their players, and as the cross came in I reacted. Instead of stopping the ball getting to the player I was marking behind all I did was direct it into my own goal. A very low point.

Three, a foul on the edge of our box resulted in a penalty. Even though we managed to get their littlest (metaphorically speaking), most punk-arsed played sent off (a triumph for the Nannas), from the resulting free-kick the ball squeezed in between both Cocky and my legs and through for a goal.

Four, with a couple of minutes to go with the scores locked, Tommy had a chance to get our noses in front. He lobbed it over the keeper and it looked like it would go in. But it hit the crossbar and came back out again.

And how were Nicey and Cooker feeling?

Well, as you can imagine Nicey was crying. He tends to do that. Old Cooks was truly bummed too, for even he, self-interested and crazy as he is, hates it when the Nannas lose.

After though, both did laugh hysterically when the MOM was announced.

Last night

December 17, 2010new photojimbob

Match report 2 September 2010

September 9, 2010Uncategorizedjimbob

Players: JH, TW, TK, Guido, Marco
Goals: JH 3, Marco 3, Guido 1, Tao
MOM: JH, Guido/Marco
Official score: Nannas 9 v opponent 6
Unofficial score: Nannas 8 v opponent 7
Time in possession: 65%
Passing efficiency: 75%
Shots on goal: 20

Pre-game
The Nannas were a paltry three. Cocky, Wal, Captain and Coach were overseas. Gill was somewhere but not willing to tell us. Chas had to do something or other, I forget. So there we were, low on number, low on Nanna love, and with most of our usual ring-ins not available. Then Tao rang a Brazilian friend who was super keen to play. What’s more he had another of his countrymen who was up for a kick.

During the warm up our Brazilians did amaze with their tricks and sideways passes and back heals. Admittedly I had only seen the Captain really attempt these things before in real life before, so you could say I am easily impressed. But then, just before kick off, one of them said, ‘the best way to play is everyone start from the back and just continually counterattack.’ Needless to say I was wetting my pants with anticipation.

The game
The game that transpired was always going to go in the Nannas favour. We had most of the ball (even though in the first five minutes of the second half it seemed like we would never see it again). The passing was crisp and most of the time well directed. We did let in some very simple goals (which for the most part were of our own making), but our defence was only truly opened up on one or two occasions but on these occasions the opposition was greedy in front of goal and we were lucky that most of the time they chose to shoot instead of crossing to a team mate (who, by the way, would stand there yelling at his avaricious team mate). The most telling thing was how easily we could get free from our markers leaving us with heaps of time when a pass did come. For two of the three goals I scored, the ball found me in acres of space where I had lots of time to steady and shoot. This time and space can be put down to one thing: the control we had in possession and the threat this posed to the opposition. Usually our opponents know that when playing us, the ball, sooner rather than later, will come back to them via an over ambitious one-touch, a needless attempt at something fancy or just the sheer one dimensionality of our play—we only know one way of attacking—forward quickly and at all costs—so they know what to expect and where the ball will be. In short, we’re not hard to pick off. Not this time. Because we held onto the ball and because we were able to move and position ourselves around that possession, we did to our opposition what most good teams do to us—wait until an opportunity presented itself, then exploit it without mercy.

Analysis
There has been a faction in the Nannas that have been advocating for a new style of play for some time now. I say forget that, this would be very much like trying to teach old dogs new tricks. What the Nannas need is a playmaker and instead of trying to invent one out of current stock, we should just bring in some talent. Indeed, as the transfer window deadline approaches we need act and act quickly. The only question that remains is do we go to ten Nannas or do we sell in the transfer window? Upper management?

Match report—22 July 2010

July 28, 2010match report, Uncategorizedjimbob

Attendees: CB, DC, CG, JH, TH, TK, AW, TW

Goals: JH4, TW1, AW1 CG1

Result: 7 nil win to the Nannas

CV: RH

I went into this game with a negative attitude. The bloated eight: it would be hard to get into the game; I definitely would not find the ball or get any goals (and fulfil my dream of being striker). Maybe it was Captain’s late pull out (more on that later) that gave our team a more manageable size. Perhaps as an octet the Nannas struck a fine balance: we were on long enough to have some sort of coherence, off long enough to get a breather and off long enough to want to make an impact when actually playing because our time on would be short.

What was particularly pleasing about this week was our lack of the classic kicking the ball forward at all costs, heedlessly, frantically, Nannarishly. We did this for about two or three minutes last week but this week we paused, looked up and passed intelligently. It was a sight to see.

Maybe division 3 is our new home away from home, a place where we can recoup, regain some form, perfect our style and then have another crack at division 2, only for it all to fall apart again.

We were in front all night, and I’m not just talking about the scoreboard. The team we faced off against hardly got near our goals. I remember only twice when they either had a powerful shot or got one on one with Gilla.

This left the Nannas to attack almost at will and after a slow start that’s pretty much what we did.

Gill got proceedings underway with a trademark long-range effort that dipped, looped and had the opposition goalie thinking it was going to miss. It didn’t.

Then someone kicked the ball in my face. Fuck it hurt. I heard the call from the sideline to come off but with eight, I reasoned that I would never get back on again so I rode it out. After my eyes stopped watering the whack did seem to sharpen my senses a bit and it was about this time I got my first, our second, after intercepting a throw. My second was scored having a ping from a pass from a corner. Tao served up the assist just the way I like it: he dribbled the ball to my left.

I think I got the next two. Gilla threw a long one, which I wrapped my head around and sent into the opposite corner. Gilla is having a fine couple of weeks. Apart from his goal, which he is getting a lot more of these days, he is coming to realise just how important his distribution is to setting the tone for the Nannas in attack. He is mastering the art of bringing the ball out and laying it off just at the right moment. And his long balls are much better directed and he is mixing them up, so they are a lot less the one trick that we rely on.

I got my last from Cocky. Our beloved striker is turning more provider these days. There were at least three occasions when he could have banged away, scoring goals at will but lately he has been choosing to pass. And unlike the old days, when a pass from Cocky was somewhat hit and miss (he was very much an all solo running man, you see), his is now more often than not hitting the mark.

Tao got the next again with Cocky as provider. It was a bit of a pass fest back and forth in front of goal and nothing on his last week’s effort, which was a thing of pure footballing beauty, but a goal is a goal is a goal.

The last Andy put in from close range. He continues to have a knack for lingering near the opposition goals, just out of the line of sight of the enemy, unobtrusive and largely unmarked. Then someone will pass him the ball, on this occasion it was me, and he make them pay for having underestimated his sublime backdoor talents.

This was about it. The Nannas it must be said could have scored more if we had paid more attention to and then exploited some of the spaces that opened up on occasion. At times we were bunching but not really taking notice or advantage of the acreage we had created. Something to work on.

And now I come to a very troubling matter. You see, last week was our anniversary. All Nannas had committed to play. But then one Nanna, the Captain, had to withdraw. Now, there is nothing wrong with withdrawing. It’s how it is done that matters. And Captain failed on two fronts. First, he didn’t front with a reason. Second, in not giving a reason he, the Captain, our spiritual leader, set an example that flouting the rules is fine. One thinks the leadership group should convene a meeting.

Match report 20 May 2010

May 27, 2010Uncategorizedjimbob

Nannas versus Annual
Result N 3: A 8
Attendees: AW, James, JH, TK, TH, TW

These have been strange times for the Nannas. Yes we have been under manned. Yes there is too much art going on for my liking (I especially dislike people who go to Sydney for some artsy fartsy something or other. Sydney? Jesus!) Yes there has been ring ins. Yes it is a new season. But, in spite of all of that the Nannas, on this evening at least, something was missing.
I think I noticed it when I scored my first goal. The ball went into the back of the net. There was silence from the opposition — to be expected. There was silence from our side too. I mean come on: it was a freaking great goal. I took the ball in mid court, shifted it onto to James, who shot it back to me as a ran on, leaving me one on one with the keeper — no contest.
But the signs were there earlier too. It was all about soft goals, soft goals, soft goals. Sure, the Annual usually deal in soft goals but on this night, soft turned to real soft, and as they scored again and again they just got softer and softer. Granted, they did have a new player, who was particularly skilled but we have faced off with far better equipped opponents than us before. We do it almost every week. But like NSW playing against the Maroons, we were always going to lose, we were always going to be a step, goal behind. Not a very happy statement but a true one.
Anyhow, I think I shall stop this lament now before I get real upset and start talking about how I miss my absent brothers in arms, and how I hate the bright lights of the beached capital of Australia, and how I hate passing years and their toil for not much reward, like any true Tiger, Carlton or Collingwood fan would know, and how the Nannas are still a strong beast if we could get some continuity and a structured game plan and a regular starting line-up but then I think that this is the beauty of the Nannas, that ugly multi-headed beast that has many sides and many personalities, which will fight and pull at each other as much as it will any opposition or ref, and how when that that mixture really becomes an amalgam of many but commensurate parts the Nannas can really play, and while some might say that the Nannas haven’t learnt much over the years and our style of play has become predictable and our opponents know only too well, I have to say that such a line is a travesty to all Nannas and I never said it, and if I did I recant.

Match report 6 May 2010

May 12, 2010match reportjimbob

Nannas v Los Pitifos

R: 3 all

Att: CB, CG, JH, TH, RH, TK, AW

To do justice to a truly sporting and wholesome evening, the following match report will be separated into two parts.

Part one

Preamble — the following could concentrate on a sloppy game: defence at sixes and sevens; poor passing; no movement; and somewhat stilted attack. But such a report would do a severe injustice to the many events that made up this game. It is events that define a match and there were many events on this eve that were truly special.

There was conjecture before the game that the Nannas would take to the field with only five. As time ticked away toward kick off it seemed there would be only four, as Andy was nowhere to be found. The ref blew for the game to begin, suggesting that he could play for the Browns but just as he did Captain and Chas appeared. Cheers went up, morale soared, and then Andy entered the stadium — yet more cheers and happy brown men.

Chas will be remembered this game, in the early moments at least, for his supreme goal, the first for the Browns. He took down the ball down deep in his own half, dispossessing an opponent, then got round another two on his way to the keeper, who could do nothing to stop his penetrating strike. The Nannas were on their way.

Chas will also be remembered for his guile and deft touch, as he directed away, with hand, a ball destined for an opponent barely a couple feet from Gilla’s goal. The opposition raised their hands and their voices (Chassy surely would have been sent off and given away a spot kick) but the ref was unsighted. Chassy walked away. Nothing doing. His performance was such that even the opposition, who only moments before were baying for his blood, started to doubt what they had seen.

Gill had a moment too. The ref was counting down toward half time: three, two, one. He inhaled ready to blow on the whistle. If there had been a hooter, it would have blown and that would have been that. But the whistle took somewhat longer to get to the ref’s lips and in this time Gilla saw an opportunity and took it, banging out a long range shot. The opposition were already in the sheds by the time the ball hit the net but it didn’t stop the ref pointing to the spot: goal, much to the disbelief of everyone in the stadium. Gilla celebrated like the true striker he is.

Of course, the opposition should be mentioned in this report. They are a miserable bunch of sods, and deserve every bit of bad luck that comes their way, not to mention a good whacking. Their bad sports-person-ship was on display for all to see after this last goal. One went so far as to infer that the ref should be fearful for his mum’s wellbeing.

Now I shall blow my own trumpet. The Nannas were behind a goal. There was only a minute or two left. We had had our chances but we could not get the ball to disturb the back of the net. I found myself playing striker, taking every opportunity to fervently shoulder and back into their keeper and the bad sport (who had threatened the ref), looking for a long ball for Gilla. And then such a ball came. I was pushing into the keeper, trying to take him out of the contest, and when the time came, all I had to do was come out from his goal a couple of steps and head home. I hardly have to point out that there was much sweet joy at seeing the ball hit the back of the net. Sometimes it’s good to get personal.

That was the end of the scoring. It finished all square at three a piece.

Part two

At the Korean restaurant on the menu above pictures of fried chicken it says:
What we’re famous for.

What they are famous for is sticky, sweating oil, smelly fart inducing, tummy rumbling, yet strangely alluring and satisfying, tasty, tongue tickling, and extraordinarily bountiful platters of deep-fried chicken.

We dabbled in the Garlic and Marinated varieties. Suffer the Nannas who missed out on this post match sit down.

Match report 17-12-2009

January 6, 2010match reportjimbob

Game: Nannas versus Esperanza
Result Nannas 4, Esperanza 2
Players CG, DC, CB, RH, AW, JH, TH (coach)

Preamble
Only a week following a loss in the grand final, and the again the Nannas lined up against Esperanza. Cocky in his match report put our loss down to not being hungry enough, living life a bit too large but this analysis is somewhat flawed. Yes we did play shit, and yes we did not deserve to win but it was not due to a lack of hunger.
It was more due to an over hunger, which made us play like an over eager teenager about to lose his virginity. The Nannas fumbled, the Nannas rushed unnessarily, the Nannas thought that every thrust had to be an incisive penetration.

I remember a lot of shouting, a lot of very shit, stunted play, although Cocky did slot home a very nice goal.

Compared to last’s nights game, the contrast could not have been greater.
Mention should be made of their eight-foot colossus, Dolph, who was replaced by his younger brother Irwin, who also deputised for most of the game in goal.

Last night’s game

There was passing of all variety, back passing, intelligent passing, passing that was quick and direct. But importantly this was coupled with a lot of movement off the ball. It was once said that Ian Wright was the best striker that England produced because he could create space not only for himself but for teammates through his running and movement. Words to think about.

In post match comments, again debate raged about the best approach for a final. On last night’s evidence six is the magic number. But let’s examine this formation and its merits. Coach was on the sidelines (which may or may not be the best place for him), and dapper as all get out, in his Arsene-style blue suit, coupled with New Balance sneakers, he talked a lot of sense to the Nannas, and this influence should not be underestimated. Gilla held the goals. Cocky spearheaded of our attack. Captain and I held the back. Chas patrolled the centre. And Wal watched for any cracks that opened backdoor.
It should be said here that while certain elements were missing from our game with different Nannas absent, the tight six is infinitely better than the bloated eight. First off a player only stays away from the action for two minutes, which is enough time to get a breather or recollect himself, as the case may be, and after a good speaking to by coach he can then throw himself into battle not having lost momentum but also in a directed manner. The tight six also has merit for building a combination throughout the game. What’s more defence is much easier to marshal, although you still have to yell at Cokcy and Chas to get on their man (but a good invective at the two aforementioned is almost as good as one at Tao).

There were only two lapses in defence for the Nannas that resulted in goals against us. The first one was mine, which I was duly and rightly criticised for. Even though I was marking my man, he got the drop on me after the ball took a deflection from the corner, but I was flat footed, which is always a fatal mistake so close to goals.
The second goal came with some confusion about who was picking up whom as the opposition ran with us. I shouted at Chas and Cocky, and Gill shouted at me, by which time they had three on one (me) and then it all went to shit.

But happily I got a hat trick, which more than made up for any defensive failings on my part

All in all a strong performance by the Nannas.

A creed to live by

December 8, 2009jims quote of the weekjimbob

SOON THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW OUR NAMES FOR WE ARE THE NANNAS AND ALL THAT WE SURVEIL SHALL BOW DOWN BEFORE US AND CALL US MASTER.

A match report (of sorts)

August 10, 2009match reportjimbob

Match Report 11 June 2009

June 16, 2009match reportjimbob

Nanna versus La Chivas
Score: Nannas 4, La Chivas 8
Attendees: CB, JH, RH, TH, TK, AW
Goals: CB 2, JH 2

Statistical breakdown

Nannas
Time in possession: 25%
Shots on goal: 10
Shots on target: 5
Shots taken (expressed as a percentage) from half way 1%, sideline 0%, outside attacking third 10%, inside attacking third, 89%.

La Chivas
Time in possession: 75%
Shots on goal: lost count at about 100
Shots on target: must have been about 100
Shots taken (expressed as a percentage) from half way 10%, sideline 20%, outside attacking third 30%, inside attacking third, 40%.

Pre-game
Ref said: ‘You’re in for a special surprise tonight’. And for a moment I thought he had something in store for us before or after the game. Could be dancing girls, some mechanical device where we get to test our manliness. And I wondered why he had chosen us above all the other teams. Maybe he had done the same for all the other teams. But then I remembered that we were here to play soccer, and, even though he was un-clear in his communication, I took it to mean that he was referring to our forthcoming opposition. And so he was.

The opposition
They were good. Indeed their only weak link was their goalie but he even he had his merits, being blessed with a larger than average frame. Apart from him, all had good foots skills, and all could and did score goals. But there were two among them that stood out. First the tall man, called Thomas. He could run, he could pass but his specialty was winding up from anywhere, and I mean anywhere, and sending a missile toward goal. Indeed, if he did not put his foot into touch just prior to the first half whistle, he would have scored from the sideline right on halfway.
Then there was their number 7, Joey. The main problem with this punk is that we could not get the ball off him no matter how hard we tried. The other problem was that he could shoot from just about anywhere too.
So, as the captain pointed out, we could not back off as they would shoot, and we could mark them close because they would just go straight around us.

The Nannas
As the statistics show, the score line could have been much, much worse. But the Nannas were brave and true. We went into half time just a goal down, and we were well in the match.
Apart from a short period after the half time interval we were competitive, we strong, we played to our strengths.
Kondo stood tall in goals, almost breaking an arm trying to stop a shot. His distribution was measured and his bravery never in question.
Andy was again at his back door antics, but again service to him was sparse. But he more than made up for this with his solid defence and some fine passing.
The Chasm, being by far the fittest Nanna, showed his athletic prowess, being everywhere, and was very unlucky not add to his night’s goal tally.
The Captain, as a good leader does, went after the opposition’s best player, using the thrusting crotch to bum move to try to dislodge the ball free from this player’s possession.
Lastly the Coach ran the floor like a jolly brown giant, making sure that the Nannas had a role model we could look up. Yes, true inspiration.

Post Script

Due to our braveness the ref said that La Chivas would probably, most certainly stay in our division. Apparently they came up to div 2 only recently, and have been trouncing the opposition about 20 zip ever since. That is until they met us.

Mid-season report

June 11, 2009match reportjimbob

This report will be broken into two sections, including:
An analysis of the Nanna – Annual relationship.
Mid-season player ratings.

The Nanna – Annual relationship
Yes, it would appear that the Annual are our bogey team. We either thrash them by about 10 goals, or go behind early, play shit and never make it up. These two scenarios have occurred in equal measure but the Annual would appear to be a good barometer of Nanna form. If we are playing well, we usually have it all over them. If we are playing shit, we are continually struggling to get past them and they hustle us out of the game.

Nanna player ratings (in alphabetical order)
Please note, these rating are on current form only.

Chris Brown
Finding his way back into form after an enforced lay-off. There have been flashes of brilliance from the Chasm, but we are still yet to see this season the triple MOM winning playing that was a hallmark of his last season.

Daniel Crooks
Usually the main Nanna spearhead, Cocky too is yet to hit top form. It is the little things, the first touches, the timing, the sweet shots, that seem to stopping our striker from bagging his customary triples and quadruples.

Chris Gill
While some (still) question the sameness and accuracy of our number one keeper’s distribution, I myself tend to think this part of his game has improved significantly, with his shots on goal being now a special feature of his game. What I would like to see our affroed one bring into his game is the looped throw to a Nanna’s foot.

Rhian Hinkley
Like the Chasm, our Captain is returning from an enforced lay-off. In the last couple of games he has shown glimpses of his foot skills and poise on the ball. If the Nannas are to build a solid base and a run at the title, we will need our Captain’s special touch.

Tom Howie
Remains a solid performer, organiser and settler (of out of control brown men) in the heart of the Nanna mid-field. While not the quickest man over the first ten yards, he has shown a deadly accuracy with his big toe, which he needs to more often. He also needs to be more vocal in defence, as people do have a habit of listening to him.

Takesh Kondo
Our number two in goals has shown some stirling out-of-goals defensive work in the last couple of weeks; his heart and scollops of steep never in doubt. Personally I would like to see him get on the ball more often. He has far more skills than he has ever shown when on court with the Nannas.

Tao Weis
Tao has been absent lately but I fear this has not been all his fault. We have missed him. In his last outing he illegally dropped a opposition player without the slightest hesitation, just ‘cause he felt like it. This is least of his capabilities. We need to get him back on court, immediately.

Andy Wong
Andy is our silent penetrator who has a knack of getting into the opposition’s rear end. Yet in the last couple of games our service to Andy and his runs has been poor. Andy has another penetrative weapon, his right foot. From time to time Andy has used this weapon to greater effect but from my point of view needs to hold possession more, pick his target and deliver with his right hoof, as we know he can.

Philosophy for the Nannas

May 28, 2009jims quote of the weekjimbob

The gods too are fond of a joke.
Aristotle

Match report 14 May 2009

May 28, 2009match reportjimbob

Nannas versus Los Pitufos
Score: 6 apiece
MOM: JH
Goals: JH 2, DC 2, RH 1, OG 1

The basic elements of the game:
Taper Mr Whitey
A close relation of Brassy Mr Springey, Mr Whitey was in action on this night. While some Nanna brethren feel that such activities are somewhat silly, I prefer DC’s code, and I quote: ‘it is useful on occasions but must not be over used, as then it becomes a crutch’. Or something to that effect. For me on this evening it was useful.

The first couple of minutes
I scored two goals. Yes my eyes were somewhat glazed but I could make out the court, the other players and the posts.

The next couple of minutes
It was pretty even here, although one did have the feeling that the opposition were our bitches. They only had one player that would do us any harm. See next comment.

Yelling at a fellow Nanna
In my last report I had written how the yelling at fellow Nannas was a practice that went against every Nanna philosophy and should be stamped out of the Nanna game as quickly as possible. Lucky for me I deleted this passage.
On this night, after seeing DC trail behind his direct opponent (the aforementioned one who had all the skills) who then whacked the ball repeatedly into CG and then scored, I gave DC about three ear fulls, which he duly deserved.
As acting captain, even when the captain is there, I feel it is my duty to get all up in other people’s shit,

The second half of the first half
DC got a nice striker’s goal, being on hand to convert a spilled ball from the keeper, after I took a penalty.

The goal of the game
A true Nanna sucker punch as RH got his head to a CG throw. The angle, the head, the ball, the opposition keeper spread-eagled: it will live long in the memory of all those who were lucky enough to witness it.

The second half
Contrary to popular belief, the Nannas did score in the second half, apart from the own goal that opposition put against our tally. I squeezed a ball to DC who got himself adjacent to the near post. He stuck out a toe to my cross.

A crazy three minutes
DC and JH were off, if that makes any difference. The score was 5 to 1, in our favour. In three minutes it went to 5 apiece. Fingers are not pointed but fuck me.

The last minutes
DC forced an own goal out of the opposition. The opposition got away with a penalty and subsequently scored.

Special mentions
TK: some great defence.
DC: some nice goals and some coolness in the face of a barrage of hostility.

A very German quote

May 13, 2009jims quote of the weekjimbob

He who has a “why” to live for can bear with almost any “how”. – Nietzsche

Match report 07-05-2009

May 13, 2009match reportjimbob

This was a bad, bad night for the Nanns, we played a third division team, we lost, we lost bad, if the truth be old we were insipid, unexiting, bland, stale, maybe we missed Gill, or Tao or both, maybe it was because we didn’t think it was competitive, or we had too many chances in the first ten minutes that we could not convert, or maybe it was Andy turning up late, or the coach or captain failing to communicate that the loser of the game would not get points, even though we were playing a forfeited match, which convinced some of us not to take the game seriously until about half time, or maybe it was because most of us do not get high for the game anymore, which makes us, contrary to popular opinion, shit, or maybe it was because we were playing a third division team and their two best players turned up right when we felt most comfortable, which lulled us into a false sense of security, or maybe it was a return to the pits, or maybe it was too much soccer last week, or maybe it Manchester United on the threshold of winning the premier league as well as the champions league for the second year running.

Maybe it was because we knew we were going to the chief afterward, maybe the thought of the chief depressed and saddened us because we know it is a shit venue and the captain was yet again trying to fuck us, which he likes to do these days, but maybe I am too harsh on the captain for he pay us back the extra money he owed us that he overcharged at the bushfire soccer fundraiser, or maybe the thought of the chief reminded us that we are not young men anymore, like those heady days when Cocky was first going for a job at ACMI, and the place was lively, and it was not deserted like it is now, and we still felt the thrill at the anticipation of competitive sport when it was not hard to get all excited with many butterflies in our tummies at the mere mention of playing on the hallowed turf of the APISC, when work was not too much, and multiple babies didn’t make sleep difficult, and partners / wives did not tear us away from the pitch, and we played against suckers that we could take down ten nil, when we could go out afterward and drink until midnight with many reefers and the promise of the odd impromptu thrown in, when we are not thinking about the next day, when we were not thinking about performing and being coherent when meeting with the CEO and senior management, when the ride was not a struggle, when our thigh muscles did not ache for two days after running, when our bodies were repairing themselves overnight, when we could still perform complex cerebral tasks after about 2pm after drinking five beers and smoking countless reefers the night before, when soccer seemed like it would go on forever, but now we are perhaps thinking differently, thinking how we preserve the little energy, the little strength, the little endurance that is left in our bodies, maybe we are thinking about a switch to a sport that has less impact that does not take as much time to recover from, that will not fuck us up bad for weeks on end if we do happen to have a mishap, but then maybe we think that these thoughts are all a bit premature and we remember teams like the wasted youth who were mostly forty-five plus and were still able to whip much younger men like us in our heyday, and maybe we will stat thinking about playing smarter, letting the ball do the work instead of us doing it, which has been the Nanna way for many a year but maybe getting older is exactly what the Nannas need to reinvigorate our game, our style of play, maybe it is what we need to conserve out energies and bodies so that we have a good another ten years in us, and then some.