1-8 v unknown TW, CB, DC, Louie, AW, RH mom

On a warm summer evening in the early nineties I found myself in the Wanaka camp ground partying in a spacious three room tent with a selection of very beautiful people. I knew some of the attendees and during the evening people arrived and people left, couples retired to their own tents and after a number of hours of drinking and smoking I found myself alone with Julianne Aliston. The conversation paused for a while, Julianne took a deep breath and shrugged. This was my introduction to the mercy fuck. 

Although it has never quite reached the heights of that initial and memorable 90 seconds the mercy fuck (MF) has since taken on many varied forms.

Generally it requires luck, a sheepish grin and a lack of small-talk, the exception is Thursday nights where it can simply mean playing goalie for the Nannas when all other goalies are away.

The night started well, a quick jog with Chassey to blow away the cobwebs followed by watching a masterclass in demolition delivered by Calcorp to the vastly improved and physically willing Harchester. 

The team we played wore blue and seemed new to the competition, which in itself is a form of cheating. They were young, tall and had a penchant for passive aggressive gentle stroking which unnerved Chassey to the point of distraction. The Nannas fell into a defensive mindset early which does not lead to many goal scoring opportunities, the opposition opted for a different strategy with better results. Cocky and Chassey teamed up nicely on occasion but all without any real penetration, Lou was masterly in his initial touch and laid off some delightful balls but to no avail. Andy saved our pants with a goaline flurry of ricocheting madness and Tao attempted a mercy fuck himself by saving a goal on the line, but in the end there can be only one. 

One more game before we turn 25 the excitement at the union was palpable, the only real downside to the evening being the choice of steak sandwich over the chops, which followed a disastrous chicken burger instead of the corned beef the previous week. From now on I will order what Cocky orders.