Team Photo 090917

October 1, 2009team photocoach

Match Report 090917

October 1, 2009Uncategorizedcoach

6-4 Loss to Gassius Clay
TH(MOM), RH, TW, DC 1, JH 1, AW, CG(GK) (one own goal, one uniform infringement goal)

A man goes on a journey and is lost to his comrades for many a week, through the end of one season and into the start of another he neither feels the sweet smack of leather on the end of his boot, nor savours the taste of beer sweetened by the companionship of Nannas. He walks the earth alone, a Nanna alone, a lone Nanna. When he returns things are different. The surroundings, though familiar, he has not seen for a long time. The opposition too have changed. The ref is from a bygone era. Into the fray he steps and things aren’t great. He finds himself battling the pushies – always pushing they were – and when the Nannas push back the ref doesn’t like it. Regardless of the pushiness the Nannas don’t really play that well, they are not singing the song of sweet harmony, they are not carefree, they are tied down in their minds, dwelling on the bad times. For a patch in the first half they pressure well, they up the intensity, they compete. In their minds they are living for the moment, not thinking about what might have been, not trying to tell other Nannas how to play, but this falls away and a malaise blankets them.

Empty your minds Nannas.
Exist to compete.
Focus on the moment at hand.
Dwell not on what might have been.
Impose your will on the game, not through conscious thought, but through effort.
Give 100% and back up on your every move.
Smile and share the love.

MATCH REPORT 090911

September 11, 2009match reportcaptain

5-4 loss to baby faced assasins

RH(MOM)1 CB2 TW1 JH AW CG

If there’s such a thing as a good loss then this was a real ripper.

At one point in this game we were down 5-1 or maybe 5-2 and it was a real steep mountain in front of us. The Nanna Mattahorn.

Everyone knows that a mountaineer needs a rope and thats where the long legs of Jim Hannan come in to play, as a unit we grappled on those long twisted shanks of hemp and they held firm. Rope is useless without a carabina and nobody locks around jims limbs like chassey does, he was the stainless steel climbers friend that we all depended on. Andy Wong took the role of the chocolate bar, the back pocket man, one nibble and energy is restored. The axe at the core of all climbs bore the trademark ‘Weis’ and the gloves encircling that axes shaft had Chris Gill written all over them. So the tools wereall there and the climb was progressing at a great rate.

I took the humble role of the climbers penis for a true mountaineer climbs from his pants and so it is I that must take the brunt of the loss for if the pants of a climber cannot rise to the heights of greatness then the mountain shall win, and win it did.

Team Photo 090903

September 9, 2009Uncategorizedbestlookingnanna

MATCH REPORT 090827

September 2, 2009Uncategorizedkondo

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August 25, 2009Uncategorizedcaptain

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Do you like it – oh yes you do – you really like it
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MATCH REPORT 090813

August 19, 2009Uncategorizedthefunkynanna

NANNAS VERSUS LAS CHIVAS (SEMI FINAL)

0 – 11

CG (MOM), TK, RH, AW, JH, DAN (RING IN)

The day the Nannas got a ring in for the finals. And we rightfully got slapped. This was perhaps a YELLOW point in the Nannas history. I know we are breeding and getting old and all that. BUT……

People tried to say that we played better than the 10 – 0 loss…interesting concept. Admittedly Las Chivas are pretty good, so lets just say that we held them to 11 goals. Jim at least tried to get into their heads (not beds) with some heavy pschological work, and the dude just replied with several very hard goals. Nice try Jimbob.

Thanks to Dan for being the man, those who weren’t brown enough for the gig must look at themselves in the mirror – day after day……If your excuse was cool, then cool…

The food after was Jim’s call and we flipped westside for some Ethiopian…it helped with the pain of rejection and disability.

A match report (of sorts)

August 10, 2009match reportjimbob

MATCH REPORT 090730

August 9, 2009Uncategorizedthefunkynanna

10 – 0 Loss to LAS CHIVAS

DC RH(MOM) JH(MOM) TW CG(MOM) TH(MOM) AW

It really was not pretty, no aspect of the game was good. The nannas were pretty bad. Everyone played like those Las Chivas fools wanted us to. Come this week when we employ the GUY FRASER emotional reacharound!!

We will be squeezing their oranges and making enough juice to swim to the winners podium. Las Chivas will have to change their name to Las Chicas after we finish with them!!

Start growing some respect men, it is only four days away! Time to shine!

The night did get better, at perhaps the true club house of the nannas “Supper Inn”. Every single time, those kids make the same goodness, so dependibly, so porkily!

ReSPect

The Season that Was: April 2009 thru August 2009

August 9, 2009The Season that Was, Uncategorizedcoach

The God’s smile upon us and send us to the finals because of the forfeits.

Match Report 090730

August 5, 2009Uncategorizedcaptain

DC RH(MOM) JH(MOM) TW CG TH(MOM) AW

It is a little known proverb amongst the wisest amongst us that states.

“When facing a steam-roller it can be best to lie down and get flattened”

The Nannas took this proverb and ran with it – almost to a man. It is possible that the coach didn’t know we were playing to this game plan as his post match spray left a lasting impression on our already flattened forms. We left the court somewhat like a series of brass rubbings – paper thin with the marks of those who have been before.

We didn’t go without chances – the return of big Chros Gill in goal did lead to some header possibilities but unfortunately the striking head was always misdirected. Thomas was strong as ever in defence, saving just enough energy spray his fellow Nannas with expletives post-match. They, in my opinion were the only highlights of a lack-lustre display. Leaving us in need of a big win at the last hurdle.

Match Report 090730

August 5, 2009Uncategorizedcoach

10 – 0 Loss to Las Chivas

DC(MOM?), CG(MOM), JH(MOM?), RH(MOM), TH(MOM), TW(MOM?), AW(MOM?)

More Moms than the first day of primary school.

Old King Lion thought he was doing ok until he came up against Green mutherfuken Beret Robot Lion from Delta Force who’s sucked down that mother fucken much Gorilla Juice he’s got pubes growing out his forehead. Seriously have you seen this lion – mother fucker has chainsaws for hands and JATO units on his nutsack, all amped up with NO2 extrusion shit and adamantite skeleton wolverine style. Polyweave carbonfibre outershell so he’s light, the strength of ten orang utans and depleted uranium all coming out his kajutsi. Fucken thing has the Eye of Sauron, the Grim Reaper’s Scythe all slaying cunts and every second hair has cardiotoxic irukandji venom oozing out it that fucks you where you breathe. This hell forsaken death bot is controlled by a network of supercomputers, that can outplay all the world’s chess grandmasters simultaneously and he wears a necklace made from the sun dried testicles of his defeated opponents that he has gnawed out of their still living groin and used their ballskin as a napkin to wipe the nut juice out from the corner of his mouth. This dealer of death, this slayer of worlds, this harbinger of hades, this maker of of the worst kinds of heinous mutalitory barbarism, this soulless killing machine with the taste for blood and the a-grade boner in his pants to prove it was up against a white rabbit bunny baby wearing just the cutest wee pink vest with sequined highlights and a trail of rabbit piss running down its little leg.

Match Report 090723

July 30, 2009Uncategorizedcoach

4-1 Victorious over The Annual

CB(2 goals, MOM), DC (1 goal), RH(1 goal), TH(MOM), TK(GK), AW

FIRST: SOME (below par) VERSE
Old King Lion’s coat tattered and torn
Punky young buck lions laughing at his form
Stalks the Nike store and other outlets all over town
Seven years later the gods deliver sweet sweet brown…

SECOND: THE ANATOMY OF OLD KING LION (in alphabetical order)
Brown: For he is the Old King Lion’s REAR HAUNCHES – Strong and svelte. The speed. Delivering the fleetness and the movement and the grace coupled with the power and the force and the impact. Defining the “Strength of no Strength” just like Bruce Lee’s one inch punch.

Crooks: For he is the Old King Lion’s BITE – A mighty maw. Fearsome in its striking power. Row after row of gleaming razor sharp incisors ready to cut you apart in more ways than surgeon’s got stiches. The doer of damage.

Gill: For he is the Old King Lion’s ROAR – A force so powerful it cannot exist physically. Having all the intangibility of the uncertainty principle and a decibel piercing bellow enough to stop a wildebeest in its track. It smells like a goalie’s shin pad and is Old King Lion’s superego.

Hannan: For he is the Old King Lion’s LEFT FRONT LEG & PAW. The most powerful of limbs. The strike of total domination. The don’t argue of absolute authority. The stiff backed salute of maximum respect.

Hinkley: For he is the Old King Lion’s HEART – Bringing courage, leadership, trueness of spirit. Coursing through all the components it can inhabit and enhance any one of them. When the heart is strong Old King Lion cannot be defeated.

Howie: For he is the Old King Lion’s BRAIN – Thinking on the course of stratagems, knowing the day. Like Turing’s Colossus with insufficient punch cards it strives to make sense of the tactics, and control the mighty power of the Old King Lion’s components.

Kondo: For he is the Old King Lion’s STOMACH – Of steel. It will not yield, it cannot be damaged, it knows no fear, it’s relentless persistence will never give in. It protects most vital assets. Within it resides the Chi. You cannot get past it with axes or bash hammers. It stands fast.

Weis: For he is the Old King Lion’s TESTICLES – Of fire. Purple and engorged. Do not get them angry, they will explode and drive the Old King Lion into hyper-drive like a warp core gone critical. Uncontrollable like a roomful of teenagers on red-bull, from them comes potency.

Wong: For he is the Old King Lion’s TAIL – It provides the balance – the yin to the bite of the yang. Though it looks playful enough to flirt with a Savanah Sparrow beware it slinking ’round your back door lest it rise up and slap you down.

Like a manga from the 70s all the component constituents of the Old King Lion come together to form OLD KING LION a powerful old lion king. Half Lion, half mecha-lion, half Nanna.

THIRD: WE TALK OF JUDDY (or Dane Swan if you can’t bring yourself to talk of a Carlton player)
The great players will lift when required and impose themselves on a game. They will control it and affect the outcome. While skill plays a part, it is mostly a mental attitude. The ability to impose your will upon a game and influence the outcome will make you great.

FOURTH: THE GAME NOW PAST JUST BEFORE
I can’t really remember what happened except at the start of the game Rhian said “we gotta win this one”, and I looked at my bag of new tops and said “we’ll win” and from that moment on it was never in doubt. Then a very select four went to Movida Next Door and eat tapas and drank Basque beer and talked of iphone applications and episodes of tv shows, and I rate it very highly on the dining out experiences.

team photo 090723

July 29, 2009Uncategorizedstriker

Much like the Musically Nominated Interim Captain the Nannas™ are As Yet Still Unbeaten in their new strip*. Full kudos to teh Coach – Thomas ‘Adama’ Howie – for his ceaseless vigilence in the Nike factory shop.

* currently un-numberd shirts only

Belated Beach Box Report #1

July 28, 2009Uncategorizedwalmartin

All Victorian nannas in attendance.

What a night. I’m glad we only do that once a year because it took a week to recover. Seriously. After an impromptu date change we actually got all 9 nannas in a beach box. mid winter. I started with 9 layers (1 tee, 1 thermal, 6 wool jumpers, 1 hoodie) and ended up in just in a t-shirt. The music was totally rocking. The brothers all real and warm. Absynth. Charlie. Tequila. Gimlets. Oh the gimlets.

The night was too big. This report simply focuses on The Lessons. A new component of the beach box. Each nanna had to ‘make like the maestro’ and teach the others something. Anything. The numbers game determined the following sequence, interlaced between poker and the smell of a bumper crop.

My very blurry memory of The Lessons:

Lesson 1: the spoon by Weis.
A real hands on lesson, tao even brought power tools. He had kindly preflattened the spoons. We just had to design a layout for the hole cut-outs. then drill. Then file off the rough edges. Then we poured absinthe over the sugar cube, drained through the colander spoon. Things began warming up.

Lesson 2: tablesoccer by Kondo
This started looking real scary when takeshi racked up a line of tequila shots. We cleared the table of Gimlets and split into two teams. Takeshi showed us how to play soccer with just 3 coins dribbling through the other pair. There was a generous amount of drinking. It appeared that when you scored a goal the other team had to scull the tequila. The night was already getting confusing.

Lesson 3: moon dumplings by The Captain
We wiped sand and spilt tequila off the table and hinkley pulled out a can of mussels. Also some little dough wraps. He taught us the art of the moon dumpling. By pinching and overlapping the wrap a crescent shape was formed. We placed them to the side with the intention of frying them up for breakfast. Very hands on. Lucky the Health Dept didn’t raid the box that night.

Lesson 4: grammar by Hannan
Another corker. It started off with jim passing around a note reading “chas”. I was hoping he was going to finally go the tongue, but it was all a dummy. It turned into a grammer lesson. I thought it was going nowhere, like the time jim didn’t know which bar to take us to. But it all suddenly warmed up, where I was taken into an upper plateau of grammar. Where does that possessive apostrophy go?… Chas’s ball. The nannas’ balls. Boys ware department. I was struggling now.

Lesson 5(a): north point by Cocky
Another gem. The night was really warming up. Face the hour hand to the sun. then half way between the hour hand and the twelve is north. Simple. Never in all my years at cubs had I been taught such a life-saving lesson. Although all very convincing at night-time cocky. Hours later cocky realised that he had totally fucked up with the hour hand, the half-way, the north point. We were all lost.

5(b) Then cocky started banging on about 1’s and 0’s. I think he lost everyone except poor Hinkley who cocky had cornered against the wall. Companion 0’s. the pair. Another 1. 11 00 1 0001 00001 0000

Lesson 6: hangin five with Wal
We all popped outside the box for a site-specific lesson. The swell at Mt Eliza was uncharacteristically small, so we all drew a surfboard on the sand. Then wal taught the nannas how to catch a wave, paddling, push-up manoeuvre to feet, stand, walk to the front of the board. hang five. The lesson itself good to show Swedish backpackers at Bondi.

Lesson 7: I’ll get back to you by Gill
And I’m still waiting. I was hoping it was going to be some MJ tribute move, grabbing the crotch and some awwwwing. Cause I know he’s got it. he just couldn’t move by this point in the evening.

Lesson 8: French insulting by Monsieur Chas
The night was now by now in full swing. I’m guessing it was about 2am? Chas had already stripped off nude and gone for a swim. Chas was standing on the table in tights. Almost indecipherable with his thick French accent. Killer. Wet my pants. A lot of falling about. We actually learnt a french phrase to chant at our opposition, coupled with a fist gesture. Chas passed out soon after.

Lesson 9: bottle opener by The Coach
The beach box was by now levitating. Chas was asleep on the floor. It’s all about leverage. Thomas grabbed a plastic bottle and somehow ? with brute force and this thing called leverage, he popped the top of a beer bottle. A wonderfully simple, yet life essential lesson.

The night was too much fun. almost excessive. The Lessons were just one small component of a much bigger and finely orchestrated night that is Beach Box. Muchos Respectos to all.

I came out $8.25 up.

Match Report 090716

July 22, 2009Uncategorizedkondo

vs D W S Fc
4-6 loss
DC 2, JH 1, RH, TW, TK 1 (GK MOM)

The tight five. What has happened after the annual poker night? Are you there?

Where is your anger? where is your focus? Where is your commitment? The victory needs all of your dedications. This night was again sweet and bitter. The night was originally organised as limited nannas special dinner out by the striker. Did the limitation break your heart? NOoooo. Nannas will 100% take care all of us as an unit in any circumstance. whoever gets a table, he gets a table for all of us. I trust that Nannas never ever waste the other Nanna’s ammunitions. (except Poker nights) It is very clear. I am sure that it will come with great unexpected deals plus the taste of victory in next time. We can not get the taste of the victory without your attendance. OK now I am back to the game report .

I think that the opponent is new face. They are fast and strong. The style of the players reminds me our style bit… The difference was that we have better firepower. Well why did we loose? That was the mystery. The game started from a loss of the goal again. We had good comeback at the first half. I scored first goal from my goalie throwing. Tao was running amazing tight even he had cold. Very sharp pass from Jim to Dan and his solid goal. then magic long range goal of Jim. We did well and score was 3-3 at the middle.

We had a lot of great cross passes to the sweet spots (just in front of the goal). We had a lot of shots. Captain’s heading shot was only 2inch away from the goal. Ah It was a good close game. All of us tried to grub the winning. So tight and focused. We were almost there.

Anyway, I have a big announcement for this night. I have got the first MOM from the new MOM voter! Have you seen that? You will see that soon. A massive respect for our Captain.
It is an extraordinary art piece.

Match Report 090716

July 22, 2009Uncategorizedkondo

vs D W S Fc
4-6 loss
DC 2, JH 1, RH, TW, TK 1 (GK MOM)

The tight five. What has happened after the annual poker night? Are you there?

Match Report 090702

July 8, 2009Uncategorizedkondo

vs
3-3 draw to Vagabundos Da Praia
CB, DC 1, JH 1, RH, TH, AW, TW1, TK (GK MOM)

This draw was tough.

The night started good happy vibe. All Nannas came up with the smiley face “What could happen in this week end? Well, anything could happen! “. It was for the coming up Nannas annual poker event and the glory. The 8 attendance were very organised and willing to this game and the game at the weekend.

The game started from a loss of the goal. Even the opponent was leading a score entire game, we were playing in the front and giving a lot of shots. We had quite few great cross passes, good long kicks and bad long kicks. The night seemed all player were not managing their positions well so that we call it sloppy 8. I think that we will need to fix the position better when we have the sloppy 8 next time. Even tho we were chasing the score up, we played in the front and middle well and there were greatest moments in the game. The long range kicker JH had the sharp sidewinder goal in the first half. Then we came tight again at the last half. The striker DC scored a solid goal to lift us up. Then TW kicked beautiful goal from the distance around last 1-2min.

I felt so good when we got the last goal to be draw but the feeling after the game was bitter and sour. I will read C.O.D.E and you will read the C.O.D.E. I know we could have another winning goal in last 15 sec like the game in mid May. We should remember the game we played against them.

Ps. We had nice hot chips and beer at Argy Bargy in Balaclava with smooth tunes from Mr Gilla. All we discussed was coming up poker night. Bitter and sweet …

Match Report 2009_06_25

July 2, 2009match reportbrown

vs
4-2 win to Nannas
CB 2, DC 1, JH, TW, TK, RH, AW, CG, TH(coach)

Well, well, well.

On the Serengeti plains of western Africa there are heaps of wildebeasts. The meat is everywhere and the lion pride can take their pick. But then the grass disappears (Jim) and so does the meat (Jim). It’s called the great migration and it requires some pretty nifty motion graphics to really get a handle on it’s massive scope. But the poor old lionesses and lion cubs are territorial and they would rather starve than wear out their soft pussy paws on a big old march north on the tails of the Wilding ones. So they just wander around looking for meat, getting real hungry until hunks of their fur starts falling out and they turn into weak-ass niggas with no muscle.

The Nannas love to go four goals up. There’s nothing better. Kondo slots an early goal deep into the netting. Cocky slips a shanghai shuffler into the goal that drips in like we are watching that shit at 500 frames per second. And then he got a goal. Then the deeply bronzed thigh spasm worked some shadow subfloor toe-poke action that poltergeisted the ball into the netting like you need some magnetic resonance imaging to capture that detail. And the trappist monk style beer chaser to follow that single malt action was the finest of fine angled edge o’ the double bevel eye of the needle accurate to seventeen hundred decimal places thunder strike (you guessed it) deep into the netting. And then these nameless bitches who we can’t name get a couple of dodgy goals and it looks like we could just crumple into nothing and end up like those mangey lions in the Serengeti.

But we do not. Well, we don’t do no more killing. And we do look vulnerable a few times. But we survive that long hungry stretch towards the end of the 36 minutes and we can leave the building heads held high. And being humans we just head off to The Station Hotel in Footscray (thank you Tao) and Cocky eats half a kilo of beest and we drink some beer and all is right with the world.

Good. Solomon turned 4 today.

Match Report 090618

June 25, 2009Uncategorizedcoach

4-2 Loss to Los Pitufos
RH, TW, TK(gk), CB, JH, TW 1, TH 1

One Man and His Back Went to Mow a Meadow

There is no I in team, but the literate and more smart arsed amongst you will note there is a me, and that me -this Thursday past- was my back. My back said to me, “you got no foot skills or leg speed, but you got me now – a back of power – where you go I follow and together we can leverage the pain ledger on the bad guys” and I said “I am with you my back.” Then my back said, “before you can start running around doing all the fancy back Ninja moves and shit you have to understand the way of the back.” But backs can’t talk so he had get the information into my head in surreptitious ways, such as by making me listen to the Sports Entertainment Network (SEN) 1116 on the AM dial. On SEN they talk of the Western Bulldogs sides of recent years, they speak of its lack of a big forward, they question whether the Doggies will win a Granny without such a player, sure they has plenty of smaller guys who can kick goals, but the conjecture is that they will never go all the way unless they have a big power forward who can smash packs wide open and make the defense accountable in the pain ledger. “I hear your surreptitious whisperings my back”, I said to my back “you and I will get amongst it”. And we did, but I hurt my hammy.

Look we played pretty well. One own goal and one fuck up in defense was all that stopped it being a draw. Takeshi earned his money, Jim started a fight or two, Chassy shadow footed his arse around, Tao hustled up, and Andy was sneaky up front and causing them grief in defense. But in this division we can’t afford, to fuck up, relax or not be giving 100% effort 100% of the time, because that’s when we’ll lose.

However who gives a shit about any of that when you’re sitting around a Korean BBQ eating freshly fried tongue and talking about beach box poker with your Nannas brothers. Kodos once again Takeshi.

Match Report 11 June 2009

June 16, 2009match reportjimbob

Nanna versus La Chivas
Score: Nannas 4, La Chivas 8
Attendees: CB, JH, RH, TH, TK, AW
Goals: CB 2, JH 2

Statistical breakdown

Nannas
Time in possession: 25%
Shots on goal: 10
Shots on target: 5
Shots taken (expressed as a percentage) from half way 1%, sideline 0%, outside attacking third 10%, inside attacking third, 89%.

La Chivas
Time in possession: 75%
Shots on goal: lost count at about 100
Shots on target: must have been about 100
Shots taken (expressed as a percentage) from half way 10%, sideline 20%, outside attacking third 30%, inside attacking third, 40%.

Pre-game
Ref said: ‘You’re in for a special surprise tonight’. And for a moment I thought he had something in store for us before or after the game. Could be dancing girls, some mechanical device where we get to test our manliness. And I wondered why he had chosen us above all the other teams. Maybe he had done the same for all the other teams. But then I remembered that we were here to play soccer, and, even though he was un-clear in his communication, I took it to mean that he was referring to our forthcoming opposition. And so he was.

The opposition
They were good. Indeed their only weak link was their goalie but he even he had his merits, being blessed with a larger than average frame. Apart from him, all had good foots skills, and all could and did score goals. But there were two among them that stood out. First the tall man, called Thomas. He could run, he could pass but his specialty was winding up from anywhere, and I mean anywhere, and sending a missile toward goal. Indeed, if he did not put his foot into touch just prior to the first half whistle, he would have scored from the sideline right on halfway.
Then there was their number 7, Joey. The main problem with this punk is that we could not get the ball off him no matter how hard we tried. The other problem was that he could shoot from just about anywhere too.
So, as the captain pointed out, we could not back off as they would shoot, and we could mark them close because they would just go straight around us.

The Nannas
As the statistics show, the score line could have been much, much worse. But the Nannas were brave and true. We went into half time just a goal down, and we were well in the match.
Apart from a short period after the half time interval we were competitive, we strong, we played to our strengths.
Kondo stood tall in goals, almost breaking an arm trying to stop a shot. His distribution was measured and his bravery never in question.
Andy was again at his back door antics, but again service to him was sparse. But he more than made up for this with his solid defence and some fine passing.
The Chasm, being by far the fittest Nanna, showed his athletic prowess, being everywhere, and was very unlucky not add to his night’s goal tally.
The Captain, as a good leader does, went after the opposition’s best player, using the thrusting crotch to bum move to try to dislodge the ball free from this player’s possession.
Lastly the Coach ran the floor like a jolly brown giant, making sure that the Nannas had a role model we could look up. Yes, true inspiration.

Post Script

Due to our braveness the ref said that La Chivas would probably, most certainly stay in our division. Apparently they came up to div 2 only recently, and have been trouncing the opposition about 20 zip ever since. That is until they met us.

Mid-season report

June 11, 2009match reportjimbob

This report will be broken into two sections, including:
An analysis of the Nanna – Annual relationship.
Mid-season player ratings.

The Nanna – Annual relationship
Yes, it would appear that the Annual are our bogey team. We either thrash them by about 10 goals, or go behind early, play shit and never make it up. These two scenarios have occurred in equal measure but the Annual would appear to be a good barometer of Nanna form. If we are playing well, we usually have it all over them. If we are playing shit, we are continually struggling to get past them and they hustle us out of the game.

Nanna player ratings (in alphabetical order)
Please note, these rating are on current form only.

Chris Brown
Finding his way back into form after an enforced lay-off. There have been flashes of brilliance from the Chasm, but we are still yet to see this season the triple MOM winning playing that was a hallmark of his last season.

Daniel Crooks
Usually the main Nanna spearhead, Cocky too is yet to hit top form. It is the little things, the first touches, the timing, the sweet shots, that seem to stopping our striker from bagging his customary triples and quadruples.

Chris Gill
While some (still) question the sameness and accuracy of our number one keeper’s distribution, I myself tend to think this part of his game has improved significantly, with his shots on goal being now a special feature of his game. What I would like to see our affroed one bring into his game is the looped throw to a Nanna’s foot.

Rhian Hinkley
Like the Chasm, our Captain is returning from an enforced lay-off. In the last couple of games he has shown glimpses of his foot skills and poise on the ball. If the Nannas are to build a solid base and a run at the title, we will need our Captain’s special touch.

Tom Howie
Remains a solid performer, organiser and settler (of out of control brown men) in the heart of the Nanna mid-field. While not the quickest man over the first ten yards, he has shown a deadly accuracy with his big toe, which he needs to more often. He also needs to be more vocal in defence, as people do have a habit of listening to him.

Takesh Kondo
Our number two in goals has shown some stirling out-of-goals defensive work in the last couple of weeks; his heart and scollops of steep never in doubt. Personally I would like to see him get on the ball more often. He has far more skills than he has ever shown when on court with the Nannas.

Tao Weis
Tao has been absent lately but I fear this has not been all his fault. We have missed him. In his last outing he illegally dropped a opposition player without the slightest hesitation, just ‘cause he felt like it. This is least of his capabilities. We need to get him back on court, immediately.

Andy Wong
Andy is our silent penetrator who has a knack of getting into the opposition’s rear end. Yet in the last couple of games our service to Andy and his runs has been poor. Andy has another penetrative weapon, his right foot. From time to time Andy has used this weapon to greater effect but from my point of view needs to hold possession more, pick his target and deliver with his right hoof, as we know he can.

match report 090528

June 2, 2009Uncategorizedkondo

Score: 5-4
AW, CB(2), DC(2), JH(1), TH, TW, TK(GK mom)

The mighty fighting Nannas is back. repeat Nannas is back again!
We did well against the skilled opponent this night.

The first half:
The game started CB’s first goal. I have special/best mention to his dedication which I will talk later.

Everything was happening very speedy but smoothly for us. We were leading the game as TW and JH was dominating the center area,
AW was passing so many great balls to stay us in offense side, TH was keeping us tighter than ever. There were a lot of comments from the coach to everyone this night.

OK, our second goal just happened in the middle of first half. After overthrowing my ball, TW picked it up quickly from their defense and passed it to DC then the striker kicked it in the top of the corner. All happened in 4 seconds. It was beautiful.

The opponent was chasing us tight. I saved a couple of good goals but the score came to 2-2.

The second half:
It turned out as unexpected heat after losing 2 goal. At the first 10 minutes, both side kept shooting a lot of goals and they scored 2 in row. The score went down to 2-4. This was bad. We were in the position to recover 3 goals without losing anything in 8 min. I know it was not the first time for us to be in the position. All of soccer players know how tight it could be…

Then our third goal brought the hope to us. After defensing their conner kicks and more goals (special mention to CB to stop 2 crucial moments here ), the combination of TW and DC scored a long “AIM-9 sidewinder” style goal to the end of the left conner. 2 defenses and the goalie could not move.

Following that JH had another powerful long goal which penetrated the double handed block of the goalie. The ball pushed out the hands and hit his arm & shoulder then bounced into the goal. It was memorable goal.

As you can imagine after 4-4, all went very exciting!! At the end, CB finished off the heat by scoring the goal just 15 seconds before the game finished. It was nice smile CB!!

After the match:
JH took us to our old prudence bar. It was happy night talking about the coming up beachbox heat

Philosophy for the Nannas

May 28, 2009jims quote of the weekjimbob

The gods too are fond of a joke.
Aristotle

Match report 14 May 2009

May 28, 2009match reportjimbob

Nannas versus Los Pitufos
Score: 6 apiece
MOM: JH
Goals: JH 2, DC 2, RH 1, OG 1

The basic elements of the game:
Taper Mr Whitey
A close relation of Brassy Mr Springey, Mr Whitey was in action on this night. While some Nanna brethren feel that such activities are somewhat silly, I prefer DC’s code, and I quote: ‘it is useful on occasions but must not be over used, as then it becomes a crutch’. Or something to that effect. For me on this evening it was useful.

The first couple of minutes
I scored two goals. Yes my eyes were somewhat glazed but I could make out the court, the other players and the posts.

The next couple of minutes
It was pretty even here, although one did have the feeling that the opposition were our bitches. They only had one player that would do us any harm. See next comment.

Yelling at a fellow Nanna
In my last report I had written how the yelling at fellow Nannas was a practice that went against every Nanna philosophy and should be stamped out of the Nanna game as quickly as possible. Lucky for me I deleted this passage.
On this night, after seeing DC trail behind his direct opponent (the aforementioned one who had all the skills) who then whacked the ball repeatedly into CG and then scored, I gave DC about three ear fulls, which he duly deserved.
As acting captain, even when the captain is there, I feel it is my duty to get all up in other people’s shit,

The second half of the first half
DC got a nice striker’s goal, being on hand to convert a spilled ball from the keeper, after I took a penalty.

The goal of the game
A true Nanna sucker punch as RH got his head to a CG throw. The angle, the head, the ball, the opposition keeper spread-eagled: it will live long in the memory of all those who were lucky enough to witness it.

The second half
Contrary to popular belief, the Nannas did score in the second half, apart from the own goal that opposition put against our tally. I squeezed a ball to DC who got himself adjacent to the near post. He stuck out a toe to my cross.

A crazy three minutes
DC and JH were off, if that makes any difference. The score was 5 to 1, in our favour. In three minutes it went to 5 apiece. Fingers are not pointed but fuck me.

The last minutes
DC forced an own goal out of the opposition. The opposition got away with a penalty and subsequently scored.

Special mentions
TK: some great defence.
DC: some nice goals and some coolness in the face of a barrage of hostility.

match report 090521 – second TT champs

May 27, 2009Uncategorizedstriker

dc(mom/champ), th, cb, rh, aw

well, I just spent way too much time making the incredible piece of documentation you see above (click image to play movie, if it doesn’t work cos your computing is too behind the 8 ball try this chunkier mp4 version).

It was another 5some after a couple of late pullouts, Tao as he had no voice, Giller cos he’s really a young lib at heart and had to go and shake cocks at the australia club and Kondo cos he was preparing for a big interview. Still, a fine bevvy of fetchingly attired nannas hit the aquatic centre for a bit of the old swish swish. The author, under extreme duress due to impending deadlines, had decided he could work as well as play by bringing an obscenely expensive camera to shoot some high speed footage. Unfortunately he was unable to resist the whisperings of Brassy Mr Springy and was rendered incapable of doing anything useful, instead fvcking up proceedings on more than one occasion to the considerable ire of teh other nannas. Regardless of the many distractions and an early loss to a ‘Pseudo Phase’ he was still able to take out the championship. The Captain the only one to show any real resilience to the ‘tornado’ with his reverse spin mastery… yeah, that’s about it. no what am I saying. Chassy chose the Black Cat for some pert glass pressed beats but was forced home by a possible cashew induced medical emergency at Martindale, so instead dropped the remaining members of the elite Nanna TT force at Joes were they drank beer and ate olives and were served by a fvckhead.

timestamp: swine flu has taken hold in straya, deaths now being predicted by the health minister. chassy does VO for Len Lye show at ACMI. LCS continues to battle the forces that be with relation to the shittest screen display technology ever invented. Fraser gets props from Charlie Kauffman, Saskia takes 8 steps in a row (is that walking ?). Barrack and Dick finally go head to head and North Korea carries out an underground nuclear test.

inspired by true events

May 13, 2009Uncategorizedwalmartin

Match report 7 may 2009

4 or 5 to 2 (nannas went down hard)

CB(1), DC, JH(m), RH(1), TH, TK, AW(m)

The Captain showed us how the hassle is done. Moving right up to the goalie who had the ball and rebounding it off him back into the goal. Nice. And reminded us all why we still need him.

The other gaol was some classic 1-2-3 action by the Chas and Co. This was real wonder stuff. A blurr of nanna magic, some amazing passing, and a convincing goal.

The captain later took us to The (Maori) Chief, the original stomping ground of the nannas. Well it looked as though it may have returned to old form, with a couple of stray dogs at the bar, and only one other table occupied. Classic Chief emptiness.

Out of seemingly nowhere Jim took the moment to ‘lie on the couch’. His eyes glazed over. He decided to open up about what it’s like to grow up in boarding school. Took me back to scout camp, making fire sticks with Ah-Kay-La. We dob dob. I did get my tent badge in record time.

Anyway. It was a cold winter’s night and Jim had wandered into his neighbour’s room to warm up a little. He’d snuck a little bowl of crème caramel out of the dining hall to share together. Jim opened the door. Fast and without warning. The fat guy was going for it hard, painting the ceiling. And working up a real fat boy arse-sweat. I mean, it was strange that Jim didn’t knock. It was almost like he waited til he heard his breathing quicken through the walls, and then just pounced in.

They shared the pudding warm. Crème dribbling down their fat chins.

Coincidently the following night on SBS was the “ Search for the Perfect Penis” which had numerous interviews with a wide spectrum of tossers, and their various techniques. One guy talked about the 2 slices of ham in a sock. Another raved about the mango between the couch cushions. I just can’t believe they hadn’t interviewed Ghee and the shadowpump 2000.

Apologies to Jim if I may have enhanced some of the details.

A very German quote

May 13, 2009jims quote of the weekjimbob

He who has a “why” to live for can bear with almost any “how”. – Nietzsche

Match report 07-05-2009

May 13, 2009match reportjimbob

This was a bad, bad night for the Nanns, we played a third division team, we lost, we lost bad, if the truth be old we were insipid, unexiting, bland, stale, maybe we missed Gill, or Tao or both, maybe it was because we didn’t think it was competitive, or we had too many chances in the first ten minutes that we could not convert, or maybe it was Andy turning up late, or the coach or captain failing to communicate that the loser of the game would not get points, even though we were playing a forfeited match, which convinced some of us not to take the game seriously until about half time, or maybe it was because most of us do not get high for the game anymore, which makes us, contrary to popular opinion, shit, or maybe it was because we were playing a third division team and their two best players turned up right when we felt most comfortable, which lulled us into a false sense of security, or maybe it was a return to the pits, or maybe it was too much soccer last week, or maybe it Manchester United on the threshold of winning the premier league as well as the champions league for the second year running.

Maybe it was because we knew we were going to the chief afterward, maybe the thought of the chief depressed and saddened us because we know it is a shit venue and the captain was yet again trying to fuck us, which he likes to do these days, but maybe I am too harsh on the captain for he pay us back the extra money he owed us that he overcharged at the bushfire soccer fundraiser, or maybe the thought of the chief reminded us that we are not young men anymore, like those heady days when Cocky was first going for a job at ACMI, and the place was lively, and it was not deserted like it is now, and we still felt the thrill at the anticipation of competitive sport when it was not hard to get all excited with many butterflies in our tummies at the mere mention of playing on the hallowed turf of the APISC, when work was not too much, and multiple babies didn’t make sleep difficult, and partners / wives did not tear us away from the pitch, and we played against suckers that we could take down ten nil, when we could go out afterward and drink until midnight with many reefers and the promise of the odd impromptu thrown in, when we are not thinking about the next day, when we were not thinking about performing and being coherent when meeting with the CEO and senior management, when the ride was not a struggle, when our thigh muscles did not ache for two days after running, when our bodies were repairing themselves overnight, when we could still perform complex cerebral tasks after about 2pm after drinking five beers and smoking countless reefers the night before, when soccer seemed like it would go on forever, but now we are perhaps thinking differently, thinking how we preserve the little energy, the little strength, the little endurance that is left in our bodies, maybe we are thinking about a switch to a sport that has less impact that does not take as much time to recover from, that will not fuck us up bad for weeks on end if we do happen to have a mishap, but then maybe we think that these thoughts are all a bit premature and we remember teams like the wasted youth who were mostly forty-five plus and were still able to whip much younger men like us in our heyday, and maybe we will stat thinking about playing smarter, letting the ball do the work instead of us doing it, which has been the Nanna way for many a year but maybe getting older is exactly what the Nannas need to reinvigorate our game, our style of play, maybe it is what we need to conserve out energies and bodies so that we have a good another ten years in us, and then some.

BUSHFIRE RELIEF TOURNAMENT 020509

May 8, 2009Uncategorizedthefunkynanna

THE NANNAS verus the REST OF THE WORLD

Results: unimportant…

CG; TW; TK; RH; CB; JH; DC; TH

The Nannas walked very tall this day. Who said that the nannas don’t put in for others. This was an indoor tournament that hand selected the best teams from each division. Of course the Nannas had to be there.

The teams were all MUCH MUCH more, shall we say, competant than the brown brothers of soul. The nannas never dropped their heads.

Much commendation must be heaped on our cheerleaders as well. There was a massive squad of brown believers. They cheered with such vigour that we believed what they were saying and it drove the nannas on to greater heights than they had even risen before.

Of all the games we played (3) we drew the first, lost the second 2 – 0 and then lost the last 4 – 2. These results cannot be relayed as to how well. we did. The second game, against a team NO NAME were rated as the competition”s best. To only lose 2-0 is incredible!!

The last game we played against our old nemessis “THE BULLS” the team made up of referees and people who had represented their country at indoor. Once again the Nannas shinned. I don’t know how brown can shine, but we rubbed it so hard we did.

Hopefully the nannas can take this form with them into the rest of the season…..

The Nannas be wise men

May 6, 2009jims quote of the weekjimbob

No wise man ever wished to be younger. – Jonathan Swift

Match report 090430

May 1, 2009Uncategorizedstriker

Vs los pitufos 6-7
Th, DC3m*, JH1, AW1, TL, CG
*waiters

Kick off saw only 4 nannas on the court. 5 mind later the nannas were down 5-1. Reinforcements arrived and a comeback was on. 6-5 and we were looking good, but it was not to be. Thomas was playing some fine percentage play. Wal slipped in a Greek. Jim did some stuff. Kondo was in and out of goals. Holler pulled off a late arrival
And some fine saves. LCS scored a hatrick.

Ps. Happy 8th Birthday Elliot

Then to the waiters for overcooked and consequently sent back steaks, creme caramels and jim ordering LA style. All good. Swine flu still hasn’t claimed a nanna. The tournament starts in 20 mins… Still stuck I’m traffic… Is this the first iPhone report?

INAUGURAL TABLE TENNIS CHAMPIONSHIP NANNA DIVISION

April 26, 2009Uncategorizedthefunkynanna

Andy Wong grabbed the bar and took that m.f. up to the top floor of the Eureka Tower, then he got a whole lot of sticky tape and stuck it on the roof. Now I’m not sure if anyone else can even reach the bar.

What started out as a harmless bye has been transformed into a potential monthly (every bye) event for the nannas.

We all floated up to the front desk and got our tables. Two, right next to each other (well booked Andy), the vision we beheld we ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!! Picture about 40 tables all crammed in close together, and nearly all of them totally full. People were going really hard, smacking the ball, uttering small cries, and even some load yells. Behind the table tennis tables, but still in the same hall were two massive groups of Karate Schools. More crazy noise was coming out of here as well.

Thomas had earlier done a draw, so every thing was ready…(for Thomas to collate some stats)…Balls were polished, bats were sized up and the games began.

Incredible table tennis was played, Dan Crooks had the sneaky serve from hell. Jim used his big wind up arms to good use. Thomas had shot of the night, and Andy the organiser nearly pulled Jims pants down.

The Funky Nanna took out the inaugural Brown moment with a clean sheet.

This was only the beggining of the night, as Andy Wong then announced that we would be off to the Supper Inn. On the way we asked Andy what time he booked. Oh my God, he said, I never thought……… Well, we were not happy, as we walked to the restaurant, the City looked jam packed we thought there might be a special code violation Jim could enact on Andy, when we were forced to wait in a queue.

When we got to the Supper Inn, THERE WAS NO QUEUE, in fact the stairwell was TOTALLY empty. Dan took out the camera to record the moment. Andy’s night was SAVED! to perhaps become one of the greatest Brown nights of all.

There was a small matter of Jim declaring himself the new captain, but we’d best leave that “in the closet”.

The First Season that Was: December 2008 thru April 2009

April 15, 2009The Season that Was, Uncategorizedcoach

MatchReport 090409 (4 of 4)

April 15, 2009Uncategorizedkondo

6-8 Vs Los Pitufos

4 reports and a picture are up! This looks beautiful. Don’t you think? AND It was awesome news Tao. Moving into northside! It will be the party time again. I really liked the tone you called us (good 8 years ago) as “Welcome party animals” when we stepped into your house in ST Kilda (with boxes of Beverage).

This Easter weekend started so messy as all of us mentioned. The opponent missing 1 and ref was ten min late + allowing opponent to add player.

So the game started in chaos but I did have a good feeling as I like the feeling “storm in a tea cup” and curious to see how this combination works. At the first half, both of the teams started sloppy but as you can see the numbers of the goals, there were a lot of good kicks happening in both end.

special mentions:
I saw Tao’s first goal stuck in the right edge of the Goal from 5m away. Unstoppable goal. I want to see it in every game.
Gilla was obviously performed as the best stopper. Pitufos had good skills of goals but it did not work for him. He saved at least 3 unreal goals and even scored our goal (not surprised).
James conducted our moves and dominated the field so many moments. Sharps pass and tight diffence.
Guido shown us the great Brazilian maneuvers to bring the balls always in the front.

I think that the game was very even. Unfortunately the opposition had 2 more at the last few minutes so we will fire more goals in the next game. I remember that all of us talking about “MORE SHOTS” in every half time.

Play aggressive for the semi final. Best run!

April 15, 2009Uncategorizedbestlookingnanna

MatchReport 090309

April 15, 2009Uncategorizedbestlookingnanna

6-8 Vs Los Pitufos
JH(1)MOM, CG(GK)(1)(MOM), TK(MOM), Gudio(1), TW(3)(MOM)

Yes you read correctly it was an orgy of MOMs on this particular night my friends. All four Nanna’s that bothered to turn up, and didn’t take a little break from play only to turn up for the semi-finals, all deserved the honour of MOM for the night.

While the start of the game wasn’t looking too good for us when the opposition, with one player down, scored the first blow. We hit back with a goal of our own and then the Los Pitufos got fresh legs from any player turning up for the next game that felt like a bit of a warm up. And we know how the other teams love to have a shot at us. They are just jealous of our super cool team colours and that just pisses them all off.

Scores remained pretty level for most of the game. Started with a nice pass from Jim to allow me to put the first points on the board for the Nannas, and I mean for those Nannas that bothered to turn up the week before semi-finals. It was pretty much goal for goal from then. I managed to get a couple more, Jim snuck one in of the toe, There was a Giller special off their goalie. At least I think that’s what happened. And Guido slipped a ripper off the spot the no one was expecting. So at half time it 6-6.

And that was the last the last time we scored. Unfortunately the opposition decided they wanted to score a few more times and managed to put away another couple of goals…… with a little help from extra fresh legs from some more Anti-Nanna supporters that had just turned up.

Special mentions go out to

Gilla for keeping the goal difference to only 2

And to Kondo, who got in early with the I’m too soft to run a whole game call, then ran the game of his life and never faulted in his pursuit of excellence. nice work Kondo.

ANd the news that Gill is speaking of in his match report, should you have read his first, is that this little brown Nanna is moving northside.

MATCHREPORT 2009_04_09 (2 of 4)

April 14, 2009match reportjimbob

The night started badly for the Nannas
First was the issue of a Nannas exodus. Sure it was Easter and sure a lot of Nannas be whipped by their respected misuses but this was a crucial game. It was the week before the finals. It was a week that the Nannas needed to work out combinations, settle on formation, find form.
NB: Word on the street has it that one or two Nannas were still in town on Thursday night, packing trailers or some shit. It is only a rumour mind.

There was the issue of a missing match report,which left many Nannas feeling betrayed, stricken, rudderless—one was even seen vomiting in the bin outside the stadium. The author of this report has subsequently said that his girlfriend will provide him a note but we all know what that means.

Then the ref turned up a good ten minutes late and allowed the opposition to bring on a merry stream of subs from the teams lining up to play after us. An official complaint has been lodged.

Finally our Brazilian import, who Tao promised had more foot skills than a raver on half a dozen pills, said that he would have to go to another game at eight, leaving us in the lurch for the last half of the second stanza.

The tight five
The righteous Nannas were: Tao, Kondo, Gilla, I (James) and our Brazilian import, Geido.

The game
For the first five minutes the Nannas line up against an opposition of four. We were lazy, we were sluggish, we were sloppy, and soon we were a goal down. But we hit back pretty swiftly when I (James) fed a speculative cross court ball to Tao, standing five metres out from goal. I thought he side netted but the ball, so I am told, went in.

And this is how it went for the rest of the game. The Nannas not quite with it in defence but able to rally and keep on level terms.

Our main problem was losing the ball mid court with one or two men caught up front, leaving the back outnumbered and exposed. It be a common problem for the brown men, and one that the coach and captain will need to account for come game day this week.

To be fair though, we were a disjointed outfit, with our style of play not befitting all members of the team—Geido especially. His foot skills and constant need of the ball did at times perplex us. Yet, there were a few notable occasions when we did function as a unit, holding the ball for at least one or two passes and communicating with a reasonable amount of composure.

In the end the opposition pulled a couple of goals in front and we could not pull it back.

Special mentions
Tao: for not getting into a fight but also holding the Nannas together when must of us thought we were elsewhere.

Kondo: for some inspired running, especially in defence. On more than one occasion he was the crucial stopper of an opposition move, intercepting at the pivotal moment.

Kondo: for taking us to one of the finest Japanese eating establishments in town.

Geido: for putting up with a team of soccer fools, who are not a patch on his Brazilian-ness.

Gilla: for bringing his unwashed dirty jocks to the game–such a treat.

Gilla: for keeping the opposition’s goals to only eight when it could have easily been twenty eight.

And I (James): for popping up twice for two consecutive Gilla throws: the first caused a goalie own goal; the second came off the top of my foot. Two minutes, two throws, two goals.

MATCHREPORT 090409

April 14, 2009Uncategorizedthefunkynanna

Nannas verses Los Pitufos

6 : 8

TH 3, TW 1, CG 1, TK, JH 1Guido

The nanna’s were down and needed a fillin. In comes the brazilian. Jim was at one point happy to hear we were getting a brazilian but I had to break it to him. Not that kind Jim…….

Whoever we played were good. They pressed us and pressed us. But at half time it was 6:6 and we were in it with a chance. Alas they powered on right past us…..

Jim still wished we really did get a brazilian each. Instead Kondo treated us to a very hairy dinner at a swinging Japanese joint down in deeeeeeep south town. Across the road from Glicks we gathered, all told our bagel stories, and got down to the japanese that promised so much.

And boy it hit the spot. Many thanks Kondo!!! Also Tao had a little anouncement to make as well. Maybe I will leave the suspense for his report!

test post

April 14, 2009Uncategorizedcaptain

this is a test