3-3 vs hyderoos [the pits]
DC 5(3) | CB 4 | RH 4 | AW 1 | CG 1(gk) | TH 3(coach)

The Nannas looked to have the game under control after Daniel Crooks had put The Brown men ahead following some nice passing in the box.

A midfielder from the opposition team whose name is unknown struck from 30 yards, drilling the ball into the bottom corner beyond Chris Gill, and then said: “We need to sort out the sloppy goals from set-pieces.

“Thankfully I popped up with a nice goal. I think we were feeling we would not get much from the game after the way we played in the second half.” He added on themightfightingnannas.com: “To come back as we did a point felt like it was the winner. The late goal gave us a lift.

“We are conceding goals but we are scoring them too and that means we are still on course for the APISC Cup.”

The Nannas boss Tom Howie was disappointed with a draw after an ‘eventful week’ which saw the departure from the playing field of his close friend Leg.

“We wanted to give victory to Leg today,” Howie told themightyfightingnannas.com, “and it was an eventful week.”

“We should have won by five goals,” he claimed. “We didn’t see Hdeyderoos creating many chances today but they scored three goals.

“It’s the story of the season. Fantastic spirit but we have to learn to make the most of our chances. “We hit the post three times and I think we should have scored at least five times today.

“It’s a little bit about confidence – maturity as well. The basic ingredients are fantastic and we produced some exciting football.”

Attendees: CB, CG, TW, DC, JH, TH (coach),HC (assistant coach) AW, RH
Goals: DC(2)
MOM: JH,RH,DC,CB
AUNT: RH
Captain Kurgen stared out through the thermo-tempered glass as his cruiser arrived to pick him up, he kissed his wife and child goodbye before bracing himself for the blast of the airlock and laucnching himself directly into the familiar surrounds of the cruiser cabin. Chas Brown locked in the coordinates and striker hit the launch button, sending the camrytron overdrive into warp and sending the crew deep into the outer Albert System. In the gloom up ahead the crew could already see Futsal, surrounded by its three moons and its gangs of marauding soldiers.

Striker put the cruiser into orbit and slowly the rest of the task-team arrived. Battle weary soldiers, excited by the prospect of a final showdown, a chance for supremacy. The pre-battle briefing was about to begin when the coach arrived in full battle dress with a lip smothered in respect. “I’ll be controlling things from up here” he whispered into his communicator, “but this time I’ll have company”. He threw back the door to show a Huge Covill looming in the dark, built in the likeness of a man, but with giant cannons for legs, standing 3 metres high he was an awesome sight. “He’ll stay with me” barked the coach, “we can’t let him loose just yet”.

The ground-force beacon crackled from the control deck, “skirmish below, you’ll be in orbit for a further 18mins”. The coach and captain looked grimly at each other, this was news they didn’t need, the tension was already high, it would only get higher.

“Feed the Grilla and load the Hannantron” ordered Kurgen. Dutifully the team opened the cage doors and threw chickens to the giant grilla, locked to its net, like a spider ready to pounce. Then Striker opened the pharmacutical box and measured out a cocktail strong enough to kill a thurmasauron and slipped it down the throat of the sleeping Hannantron, the giant beast barely stirred, simply nodding its head in appreciation.

The siren went and the battle started. And what a start. The enemy came out strong and ruthless, mercilessly knocking down barrier after barrier and sweeping in two successful raids before the crew had time to steady. Emotionally the damage was huge and it took desperate measures from strong men at the back and a vigilant Grilla to stop an avalanche. Corporal Chas Brown led the run into the danger zone bravely, forcing defensive switch and then switch again, forcing attack and counter attack. But the enemy were strong and again they swooped, angry and loud, screaming through the meek shields. Chas found fault in the speedie midwork of lance corporal Tao Weis who was caught off guard, his response was wild and erratic, losing control of his hover vehicle and sending friendly fire spewing in all directions, not a single crewman remained unscathed, and when he finally regained the wheel another attack had swept through.

The second half of the battle was a much more even affair, Corporal Weis and Striker teaming up delightfully and fruitfully, the elusive Wallmartin, with his ability to disappear, sneaking around the backdoor on several occasions and a solid defensive unit providing a steady platform. But the giant cannons of the hannantron and the Grilla seemed wayward, blasting forever skyward and making no impact on the offensive front.
The enemy locked down and the battle was lost.

A tired, sad and angry crew made their way back to the nutrient post South of the solar river and dined on parmagana. The coach bestowing his battle medal to the captain for duties in combat. It was small reward for a desperate day.

Futsal still glows in the evening sky, and on a clear night you can hear the pounding feet and cries of

“mark up nannas, jesus, what the fuck are you guys doing?”

Attendees: CB, CG, TW, DC, JH, TH (coach), AW, RH
Goals: JH, CB
MOM: JH

Tommy thought long and hard about what to wear for the evening.
Tao needed a nostril reconstruction.
Chas was convinced that people were talking about his bum.
Andy was on time and duly mocked for his commitment.
Hinkley and Dan sported respect but the latter seemed to having some anger management issues.
Gill was all brown in a very becoming tracksuit.

I started on the bench, which was good. Being unsteady on my feet, I wanted to see how the game progressed before entering the fray. In the coach’s room long before the contest, there was instruction on the art of mind-fuzzying. Our manager insists that I think too much and play much better on instinct. I think he could be right.

The Nannas put two goals away in the first half. I remember the first one inasmuch as I can still feel my foot making contact with the ball.

I do know that Chasm scored the second but the details are hazy. His arse might have had something to do with it.

The second half for the spectators was disappointing but only because they could not join in the adrenalin frenzy that the Nannas had whipped up on court. The Browns were unlucky on several occasions not to go further in front. And they never looked threatened at the back.

Afterwards the pub played host to the coach getting yelling out of his system.
Cocky tried to re-ignite his anger over a controversial MOM vote but even he was spent.
Good sleeps were had by all.

Attendees: CB, TW, DC, CG, JH
Goals: CB 4, DC 2, JH 2
MOM: CG, JH
Opposition: Allens FC (second division, and rightly so)

One notorious premiership manager calls April, May squeaky-bum time. Well I reckon Sir Alex would get a lot out of the footage from the Nanna’s Thursday game because on display were very brown, super-clean bottoms.
For the Nannas it was a tight-five set-up. And tight we were. So tight in fact that the opposition soon found all their hopes and dreams for a competitive match dashed and they quickly resorted to tactics that are best described as wanker-ish.
Tao pointed this out to the referee but was rebuked, shown yellow. Dan took matters into his own hands and was shown red.
While Cocky was off court the opposition wanted to relive their hopes and dreams of rippled nets, filled with pounded balls. But fantasies are quickly snuffed out when reality is nearby, which took the form of Chasm parading his ample chest and super-squeaky buttock. Displays like this are hard to ignore and the Allens were held firmly in check by an aroused Nanna quartet.
In the spirit of Easter (whatever that means) Cocky was allowed to re-enter the fray and the Nannas went from defence to offence quicker than Gilla could say “this team are a bunch of fools”.
Highlights:
Dan’s wide grin as he led with his head toward his opposite number.
Chasm’s ample chest and squeaky-clean buttock.
Tao’s dissing of the referee walking down the stairs out of the stadium post-game.
Gilla re-telling how he was a sole queue person outside Workshop.

Match Report 22/03/07

RH TW TH JH CG no MOM TH one goal
Captain Strikes another one past the 300m mark, Jim blows his load and the fireworks begin.
It’s lucky Gilly was there to document it or nobody would believe it. Finally we get proof of the previously mythical “skyrocket load” that has been a constant rumour in Nanna circles since the infamous shower scene after last seasons finals win. We believe you now Dan, he really puts on a spectacle, Justine is a lucky Lady.
For the record, Thomas hit the holden sign and the tractor twice, tao hit the tractor and the post and there was some really classy parking.

1-6 vs Gash Backs [MacRobertson]
DC 1, CB, TW, RH, AW, TK, JH, TH(coach)
MOM CB, DC, TK

Not a great one for the Nannas, not one to remember, and not one that I really do remember…

The opposition had a few skills, though not many and not really enough to outclass the nannas, but they did have a much better sense of team cohesion and the outward appearance of a game plan, which of course is something generally lacking in the nanna camp. On the upside there was some nice passing in the early part of the game, due in no short part to the intensive pre-game drilling in the foyer. The gash backs (what the f**k is a gash back ?) took a psychological advantage with the first goal and some overly robust play “it was 50/50 ref !”, yeah right ! They lacked pace however and the nanna forwards were making inroads by running around and down the flanks DC and CB had a couple of shots palmed away but were void of any real penetration (regardless of chas’ continued and thankless running). Jim was seen to be lacking in commitment on a couple of occasions and was yelled at once by Chas. Tao insisted on standing on the ball before shepherding into untenable situations. everyone was playing pretty shit really, as witnessed by the MOM vote, one of the most evenly spread to date with nannas having trouble deciding who was the least rubbish…

ps [070319] minor oversight, i forgot to mention the crappest moment of the night, DC made a final bruising charge into the area, was clumisly manhandled by the muppet in goals but managed to stay on his feet and and was just about to tap the ball into an open gaol, too late, the ref had already blown his whistle and was poiting at the spot. As Strikerâ„¢ stepped forward the final siren sounded… high drama, a penalty outside the normal parameters of the game, a chance to save some face, but no !!! the goalie went the wrong way but D’Coq totally cocked it up and shot at his leg, deflection, no goal, dirty c**k s**king mother f**ckers….

6-3 vs Jossie’s Giants [MacRobertson]
CB 3, DC 3, TW, RH, AW, TK, CG, JH, TH(coach)
MOM CB

It looked for a minute like we could be down to five players with Gilly and Tao having health issues and Wal silent in the flurry. However it was a fine brown team of eight plus one coach Thermos that sauntered into MacRobertsons Girls College to fulfil their destiny last evening.

An early goal from CB put us one up in the first quarter. This was equalised fairly soon after and it looked like a possible Nanna’s apple crumble. DC let one fly and we pushed in front to 2-1.

There was a fair amount of argy-bargy from the other team which pleasingly resulted in several free kicks to the Nannas.

TH firmly reminded the Nannas at half-time that if he said we were in D then thats where we should be. Consequently the defensive play in the third quarter was particularly good. DC and CB struck gold several more times earning themselves a hattrick each respectively and a double-hattrick for Northcote.

The opposition managed to score a couple of bananas and it would have been more if it were not for some excellent saves by CG.

A pleasing result and well-deserved.

Post-match at the Railway and Hinkley produced the stats in graph format to a chorus of oohs and aahs from the impressed Nannas. See below.

2-2 – Thursday Knights – MacRob
TW 1, CB 1, DC, JH, RH, CG, AW, TH (coach)
MOM CG

THAT WAS A TIGHT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

AND MY KNEE REALLY HURTS AGAIN!!

The Nannas gave new definition to the word “brave” last night. Obviously out classed and out aged the weary brown men stood as tall as their spines would allow.

The match started with one of them RIPPING a hell toe poke into the top right corner, this was followed by another great goal across the face. We started to look at each other with “that look” in our eyes….It wasn’t until the coach Tommy came running onto the court and turkey slapped each one of us. AWAKE he yelled….From there we got one cheaky one back before half time.

The second half belonged to old ladies in cardigans. We had that many shots that rebounded of the bars and it was only a question of time before we struck again. We did and yet they continued to press. It must have been a warm night because a few nannas we a touch slow to double back and “get in D”…We go there with a second to spare as they made one last flurry.

The only interesting point to come of this match report is the precedent that will be set. I believe there is a missing match report – surely there has to be reprisals. Comments please…

Still the nannas for this season remain – UNDEFEATED!!!!

vs Jossies Giants 8-2
CB 2, DC 2, TW 2, JH 2, CG, TH (coach)
MOM CB

Are these guys not being fed or what? A hungry fiver of hardened nan-power stepped onto the court at the pits last night for a ravenous display of classic Nanna football glory.

Although the writer acknowledges the objective and inalienable truth of his being voted MOM this week, he cannot help but borrow the comment that it was the team that was the winner.

The eight goals we scored were divided evenly among the on-field players with everyone taking two each.

There was a lot of good passing. Jim was blisteringly on target. Cocky was all over it up front and pulling off some of his lovely trademark turns. Taozza was winning every fiftyfifty challenge and the writer ran quite a bit and nailed home an obligue angle shot at maximum velocity. Gillla continued to astound the opposition with stopping the unstoppable shots.

Tommy was solid on the touchline with a one-legged tripod and rousing advice and encouragement.

A great victory. Nannas undefeated in the top division.

Playing: CB, CG, JH, AW, TW

Boundary riders: TH, DC

Goals: JH2, CG1, TW1

MOM:JH

There are sometimes in sport, when competition takes on a life of its own and the protagonists are swept along on a trajectory all their own. So it was last night as a very special, tight five, Nanna outfit brushed aside an insipid opponent with little trouble. Almost from the first whistle a well defined Nanna shape developed, with as many as three brown men behind the ball at any one time, with the occasional surge as men in defence pushed upfield to take the game in new directions. Although there were hints of the usual Nanna game of over-excitement and a one-touch too many, there was also an overriding poise, or grace, to the Nannas, which effectively subdued the opposition and took them out of the game. It was if the Browns knew the opposition was not up to snuff if there was on display true Nanna respect. Indeed, a special Nannerian performance was afoot, and once the first goal went in this feeling only grew.

And what a goal it was. Gill, in the first minutes of play, took a range finder to the opposing goalie’s net, thinking, “yeah, better just loosen up the arm, get my bearings”. Well, the throw was on target and much to his team’s chagrin, Gill’s opposite number tried an ill-advised catch. The ball went straight through his fingers and the net shivered like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Like an idiot the blue keeper looked at the ref hoping some ancient, little known by-law of the world game might save him. But alas the ref pointed to the middle of the court and said, “try again boys”. One nil.

The second goal was somewhat more conventional but no less of a kick in the nuts to the opposition. After some highly competent defence and counter attacking, the Nans had a kick-in deep in enemy territory. Tao, sensing an opportunity was ripe, lay off a sensitive little pass with the outside of his foot. James, who was waiting for just such an opportunity, settled himself, cocked his favoured left boot and, concentrating on keeping the ball on the carpet, struck true. The shot didn’t do as he or Cocky, who was shouting instructions from the sideline, wished but did find the top right corner of the opposition’s goal. 2 zip. That’s the way it stayed until half time.

The third goal was a thing of pure beauty. The blues had a pussy shot at goal. Our goalie chested it down and ran – ran the lines like a fool, and almost made it to the opposition’s little circle. The soft blue goalie came out to stop me, but I feigned to the right and slipped a pass out to Tao (who was wearing a trench coat with a red carnation), who just walked it in. 3 zip.

The Nans, who went to the break in the ascendancy, rode their luck it’s true but chance is made by true grit and, last night, the inspirational sight of Chas, the fittest Nanna ever, in full flight, ducking and weaving passed opposition players. It has to be said that Christopher was also very unlucky not to have a couple by the end of the first stanza.

Although Tommy, with his leg newly wrapped in green anti-moisture material, delivered several pearls of wisdom at half time, the second half started with the opposition pegging a goal back, through a combination of Nanna confusion in D and a fortunate bounce of the ball off Gill. 3-1.
Mid way through the second stanza, the game was put beyond doubt as James ran into space and received a long throw from Gill. Taking it down on his chest, and again putting it into the path of his favoured left boot he tried a speculative shot to the opposite corner from where he was turning. Much to his surprise, and maybe with a slight deflection, it found that corner. 4-1.

After that, the game slowed considerably and the Nannas were seen frustrating their opponents. This is where the aforementioned Nannerian grace really came into its own. Andy Wong was the principle proponent of this tactic, wasting no time or energy on trivial matters or hectic schedules. With soothing words for his comrades and an unquenched love of running, he was what you would expect with five minutes to go and the game all but over: a picture of calm confidence inflicting the final blows on an already beaten opponent. Tao, following his lead, was seen congratulating the referee on several calls that went against him, while on the sly tripping up and grabbing at opponents, even though he was in every aspect playing far above any challenger he came up against. Gill, at this point, feigned not knowing where he was and tried to take the ball off the court, like the match was over. He was grabbed unceremoniously by some jerk in blue, who tried unsuccessfully to wrench the ball out of his hands. The opposition knew the jig was up, and although they huffed and puffed, they were never going to better a supreme Nanna outfit, full of Brown pride.
After, an impromptu captain was nominated and a bad speech given. However, the spoils of the coveted APISC second division were delivered to the deserving team.

vs Allens FC
6-1
CB 3, DC 1, JH 2

CB, DC, JH, AW, CG, TW, (RH coach)

MOM CB

Oh dear struggling to remember all the details now but here goes..
Our minds were focussed right from the start with some precise strategies from our illustrious Captain who spelt out just what we should be doing, who we should be marking etc.

We took it to them, but also played an excellent defensive game, consistently shutting down their attacks until they started to fall part at the seams and shoot wildly from way out and forget to pass.

We also capitalised on our opportunities making them count at a very high rate.
DC bought one goal with a sprained ankle, our second injury in two weeks after the Howie fibula.

CB got an own goal for the other side which spurred him on to a hattrick to make up for it. But that did mean Allens failed to put one past Gilly at all.

A big match, a big semi-final and now we are set up for a big final with a big tight five with DC in a coaching role. Go Nannas!

location: Wesley | nannas: TW, DC, AW, JH, CB, CG, TH | opposition: Foregone Conclusion
score: 6-4 | goals: DC 1, CB 2, AW 1, JH 2 | mom: CB + CG

A tight Nannas ensemble of 7 dismantled Foregone Conclusion in a hard fought victory last night at Wesley.

DC and TW hustled hard at both ends of the court and put through a couple of delectable touches forward into space for CB to run onto.
TH gave 110 per cent with some excellent defensive play.
JH slammed home a couple of scorching strikes.
AW got up for some slippery backdoor action and tackled well.
CB got a couple of better than average goals.
CG “the animated chastity belt” raised the goalkeeping bar again with a double pronged penalty resistance followed by a some classic victory postures.

Nice!

It was TIGHT and thats how the nannas like it!!!! Tempers were freyed, refs were abused, indians were bumped and victory was signalled!!!!

SCORELINE 6 – 4

MOM – 2 CHris’ – Brown and Gill

Goals were shared, not hoarded, the nannas were a team of MEN. THe crazed nature of the game leaves details blured, suffice to say that we WON.

Details to emerge post game are VERY interesting. Manic promises were made by a lanky memeber of the nannas – who will remain nameless, but his name does rhyme with Bim – that he will purchase an inhaling device known as “the vapouriser” Things we do for our friends….

Also there was one more thing….maybe someone else can remember it….I must have been too “tired” again.

Score 13-2
Goals: 5 for Tao, 3 for Captain, 2 for Cocky, 2 for Jim, 1 for chas
MOM: JH
Team: DC, TH, CB, RH, TW, TK, JH
Opposition: Allens FC

If the Nannas can exhibit the form they showed in the second half of their game against Allens FC last night-even if they played against only 4, most agree they will be serious title contenders come end of season.

The first half however, does pose some serious questions for the coach and upper Nanna management. The most notable problem the Nannas face being their lack of discipline toward each other. One player in the first half was seen constantly shouting at his team-mates only to get the shake of the head from Striker (a serious rebuke) and a smart dressing down from Deep Chasm. Although the CODE of the Nannas was introduced (only last week) to stamp out this unruly on court banter it seems some in the Brown outfit are still yet to learn the benefits of encouragement instead of negativity when playing team sports.

The first half saw a stuttering Nanna outfit coming to grips with hectares of space due to the opposition missing a player. Over the past months the Nannas have been tinkering with a new system, whereby their defence try to dominate possession, passing the ball around and waiting for an opening . At times in the first half this strategy worked but also, due to internal communication that can best be described as hostile, the Nanna shape broke down and the brown outfit became frustrated, mainly with themselves. Half time score 4-1, in favour of the Nannas.

Half time and the Captain said some words, which no one dared repeat later for fear of the his wrath. Whatever was said though worked, as the Nannas held their shape and the ball, pinging in nine goals and conceding only one. Although the opposition was broken within minutes of the returning to court in the second stanza, and most who watched from the sidelines agreed the contest was little more than a training run for the men in brown, the execution and willingness of the Nannas to hold the ball and make the opposition live off scraps was a sight to behold.

Special mention must go to striker for his tireless and unselfish work as a lone hand up front. Having bagged his quota for the night he was willing to station himself as far forward as possible giving time, space and options to those behind him.
Special mention also goes to Chasm for his admirable patience with men who are, prima facie, far beneath him.
Takeshi, the Nanna Japanese import, who has a freakishly low centre of gravity also deserves mention. At the beginning of the match Takeshi’s handling skills seemed a bit below his usual high standards. Realising he was having an off night, he was subsequently seen throwing his body in all manner of directions to compensate. His sliding on his knees to save low shots from the opposition was a particular feature.
Tao and Rhian also had solid games. The former showing his dexterity, put five past the opposing goalie, comfortable with either foot. The latter, well, he continues to go at the opposition and hit them where it really hurts although his trickery did at one point see him almost pulled from court. Late in the second period after a restart the Captain tried something that only he would attempt. The opposition took a speculative shot from halfway and Rhian stuck out a backheal and thought he had it covered. Well, it went through his legs faster than Paul Robinson could say, “oh shit”, and Kondo had no chance. The coach was heard to scream from the side line, “Get that fucking idiot off, get him off now!” but was pulled back by a concerned supporter.

Ok guys here is a little breakdown of what happened last week. I kicked 3 goals, chas kicked 4 and someone else kicked 1, I think it was Hinkley. But the only thing that kept us from losing was the skill and finesse of the very talented Chris Gill. After getting off to a brilliant first half the second half was classic Nanna’s fading away into the distance. Even with 3 subs on the side line we seemed to not be able to keep running. Very lucky Nanna’s I say. Time to start jogging in the mornings Nanna’s, have to build up the stamina.

That’s it from me. Good luck this week boys as I won’t be there to yell at you.

location: Wesley | nannas: RH, DC, TK, JH, CB, CG, TH | opposition: tbc
score: 9-2 | goals: DC 3, CB 2, RH 2?, TH 1?, JH 1? | mom: CB

A sloppy start against a skilful opposition.

Nannas pulled themselves together with good positional play encouraged by some firm side-coaching. Good passing and team play coupled with excellent scoring meant the Mighty Fighting Nannas came out way on top. I can’t fault us.

Highlight: Left-footed cross from the MOM to the Captain’s laser guided shoulder nut punched the ball home in marvellous style.

Provocolight: A self-proclaimed “not angry at all” Thomas Howie pressed his chest and armpits forcefully on another man while waving his hands in the air and singing and dancing like Britney Spears on man-hormones. One to rival TW’s infamous lunchgrope.

location: Wesley | nannas: RH, DC, TK, JH, AW | opposition: tbc
score: 6-1 | goals: DC 5, JH 1 | mom: DC

A great game which though it didn’t start well ended with atypical vigour from the Nannas.

A tight 5 contingent (after Gilly cited homeland security concerns) took to the court just after 8.30pm to find an opposition that weren’t really up to the task. The nannas took their time to find a rhythm with an early charge from the opp pushing hinkley into a late challenge in the area. Continue reading inaugural match report 060921 →