CG (G), TW, JH, TH, HC (MOM)

5-0 loss Vs ??

When I was a young boy I wanted to be many important things, a policeman, a doctor or a science fiction cartoon writer. But over all else, I wanted to be brown and proud. 

The game was a great effort against the odds, with no subs and a fresh recruit, The Nanna’s put up a fight that regrettably, wasn’t converted on the scoreboard. 

In the first half plays were set up deep out of defense with Gil consistently making risky saves and creating quick attacking plays. There were a few close shots including a near miraculous header from Tom, and a goal throw from Gil that went the length of the field and hit the back of the net, but was disallowed because the ball had not been touched (although with the size of that goalie standing in the way, I couldn’t guess how it wasn’t)

Come second half the lack of legs and fresh team-lineup started to get to us and the lead slowly crawled out to the final score of 5-0 although, Tao made some tremendous plays down the corridor and Jim was able to continuously push between attack and defense in an attempt to support the young ill-prepared defender whilst providing an attacking force.

Although the scoreboard reflected a loss, the game was a great win for the inevitable amalgamation of the Veteran Nanna’s with their second up and coming generation. 

I look forward to learning the ropes, and earning a stripe or two in future Nanna’s Matches

Reboot (Harry)

Attendees: JH (MOM), RH, AW, TW, DAVE
Result: Nannas 5 plays Here for Beer 9

So the two teams that played each other only last week, turned out to do battle once again on the hallowed halls of Dawson Street. Except episode two of Nannas versus Here for Beer saw significant changes to both sides. Apparently, or so I was told before the game, the Nannas were fielding a much stronger side, albeit not in our goalkeeping department. The opposition, I was told after the game, had a much-improved line up. One individual in particular, who was not on their team sheet last time out, was here this week, and he was far above anything the Nannas could bring to bear.

As it turned out, these changes in personnel were to have a significant impact on the game, which leads me to goal keeping. So, as the first Nanna goalkeeper selected, I was feeling confident. I thought, if Gilla can do it, then surely I can too. But then in the warm up as Tao started pinging balls past me I started to think, shit, Gilla might be better than me at something (because he will never beat me at golf or table tennis), and so it went in that first half as four went in, which I hardly got a gloveless hand to. Admittedly I was left one on one with the opposition on two occasions after errant back passes but they did score off a re-start (which is a goal keeping cardinal sin); I thought I had it, I thought I had it, but then it hit my hands and went through them.

The other feature about that first half was the Nanna impotency in attack. Maybe it was just hard to see from the keeper’s box but the Nanns in the first half did seem to have trouble holding the ball or, for that matter, penetrating with it. You could say that they were like men without balls: somewhat cowered, almost totally emasculated and with no outlet for any type of release (not that there seemed anything to release). Tao did get one late in those first eighteen minutes saving the Nanna manhood but we took it to the break 4-1.

At the interval, the Captain asked Izzy (the future hope of the Nannas) if he had any words of wisdom for us (which, at the time, was an interesting choice. Was the Captain making a comment on his own Captaincy, or on the Nannas in general?) But maybe the Captain is onto something because Izzy just shrugged his shoulders, and all the Nannas seemed to understand.

The Captain, though, did make one change at half time, switching goalkeepers. This had a positive effect, in that the Nannas’ balls seemed to drop, and we started to get back into the game. I started things off with my first touch, getting the ball just inside their half, going past two, and then slotting home from close range.

Then I got another; Dave fed a sweet pass to me just at the top of their keepers box, and all I had to do was bang it into what appeared to be a gaping hole in their box, which I duly did. Most satisfying. Then Dave and Tao got two more, both from long-range.

It could be said that we were starting to have our way with the opposition and in attack we were. Yet in defence we were still pretty shit, as they kept scoring. After Tao got his goal it was 7-5 and we had hit four in quick time, but they had got three. It was their man, that didn’t play last week. He was doing to the Captain what he did to me in the first half: pinging them in from all over the place and generally ruining his confidence in ever playing goalie again.

So Andy, seeing that we might need a self-assured fifth-choice keeper sometime in the future, took over from him. Also at this time we were trying to get that elusive sixth goal and mounted attack after attack but to no avail. I had the ball deep in their half down the right hand side. I remember trying to turn my opponent, which didn’t work, so then I tried to pass but only gave up possession, and their man scored again. They got one more after this, effectively killing off the contest: we had shot our load and couldn’t come back.

The final act of the game was Andy saving a shot with his nuts (which was all balls of him [no pun intended]) and very symbolic of the Nanna’s night: he gave his all to the Browns (he really did) only to end up prostrate on the ground writhing in agony, his legs in the air, his testis retreating somewhere deep within his stomach.

He did get up again and hopefully his nuts came back down too.

4-2 Win Vs Glorious Leaders

RH (1), DC, TH (G), CB, JH (1(MOM)), TW (2(MOM))

There was some trepidation on arrival that we might be up for a big game against the top of the ladder. As it turned out this was somewhat unfounded and they were not in fact the top of the table team and it would seem the Captian was hanging from his IronMan Gravity 4000 Inversion Table while checking the leaderboard.

While this team were in fact the bottom of the ladder it took us a little while to realise that they were not going to pose a huge threat and therefore we held back for a while allowing the opposition some time to build there confidence. Had we known they were shit I’m sure we would have gone out there with more confidence and agility.

That was the first half and we were ahead by a a few goals to nil, should have been more. The second half things were a bit more energetic especially as our opponents made a bit of a comeback. That got a bit of a spring in everyones step except for Cocky who got yet another kick in the foot. Seems that foot has been targeted for a while now. Do you think the other teams are doing some background research on us? Possibly reading our blog or infiltrated the forum? Decided they had to take out our striker?

In the end we managed to keep them at bay. Allowing them only 2 goals but we really should have used the opportunity to increase our percentage.

Every game should be played as though the team we are playing is the bottom of the table and go out hard for the flu 36 minutes.

Attendees: CB, DC, JH (MOM), RH, TH, TW (MOM)

Result: Nannas 4 versus someone 2

This was a slow evening for the Nannas. We were slow, very slow. Slow in our passing, slow in our movement, slow in our thought processes, slow in our everything really. I do think there were one or two Nannas who were slower than the rest (Cocky) but we did look a little worn around the edges, and this only got worse as the game went on (I am pretty sure it had something to do with the weekend’s activities, which most of us were probably still struggling to get over).

Surprising, and somewhat unexpectedly, the opposition were slower than us. For some reason we were led to believe that we were playing the top-of-the-table side. I think this may have been a ruse on the Captain’s part to keep us on our toes and for the first five or ten minutes I kept expecting them to flick a switch and do something special. But special really wasn’t in their makeup and I think from the very beginning, we knew we could (should) beat them.

I started the scoring. We were attacking their goal and we had a shot that was deflected by their keeper out to our left, where I was standing. I could see the keeper was off his line, so I slid the ball in behind him and into the net. The next two goals I am bit fuzzy on but I do remember one where there was some fine interplay, and we had about four or five passes before we tapped in (but I am not sure who did the tapping). This goal though was indicative of the first half: we seemed to have a lot of the ball, a lot of control and all the shots, and they had nothing. We went to the break three zip up.

For the opening of the second half, I think I put the mocker on the Nannas by saying that we could not let them score in the first few minutes because that’s exactly what they did, pretty much straight after the resumption of play. It was a soft goal and I remember distinctly many Nanna heads held in shame after that one.

They got the next one too (it was 3-2) and again it seemed soft but if the truth be told we really should have put the game out their reach by then. We had our fair share of opportunities but the final pass kept going missing or our shot was off target (an effort from the Captain was a notable example here; on one occasion mid way through the second half he only had the keeper to beat and he went for power from about five metres out but he only managed to hit side netting). This is where the aforementioned Nanna slowness really came into effect. The space we had in the first half, the passes that were sticking, the reading of the game, the shots that were on target, all went missing.

So, there was about five minutes to go and it was getting a little desperate. Sure, we were in front (by a goal) but they were coming and we were slowing and then slowing some more, and there was a feeling like they would get the better of us. Then Tao intervened with the goal of the game. Coach passed him the ball on the left hand touchline just inside his own half. A member of the opposition was on his six so Tao kicked it once, up in the air, to control it. Then he kicked it again in the air, but backward this this time and over the head of the guy who was marking him. From there it was two on one. Tao drew their last man in defence passing to Hinkley, who only had to beat the keeper, which he did (this time). 4-2. The Nannas were home. Everyone went home and slept soundly.

Ok, it took a little time to work that out and I’m sure there must be s simpler quicker way than the path I chose but here they are. But a few of the pics I have of you fools from over the years.

CG (G), DC (1), RH (1), TH, AW, TW (MOM(1)), GF

I should have written this earlier It’s tot late my eye lids are closing and all I see is just lots of black. But who am I to complain as that’s nothing compared to the blackness Gilla experienced while trying to hold back the last goal of the match. Diving forward to keep his attacker at bay his head collided with his opponents knee. Before anyone knew what had happened Gilla was just lying there somewhat concussed. Laying flat not the ground just inside the D, we were flabbergasted. This had never happened before in the history of the Nanna’s. A broken bone here or there sure (or for some a bruised bone, huh whatever). This was taking it the a new level of commitment. Trying to take your opponent out with your head was truly showing your brown colours.

Besides this the game was a little disappointing. Our opponents weren’t bad but we should’ve had them. It could have been ours but we just didn’t want it nearly as much as Gilla wanted to save that last goal. And if he had it would have been a draw but let’s not dwell on that.

On a happier note Jim finally officially turned 40 and received his Nanna present. I guess this means he is now truly a full blooded Nanna. Just don’t let him know. The party was great. Great food, grey company and great inter-Nanna games of soccer. All got very messy new the end as it so often does. The only thing missing was a bit of a wrestle from Dan and Chas. But that was looking unlikely with the pair jerking each other off talking about how great the other is on the court. The mutual admiration was kind of cute at first but then became quite sickening after about an hour.

None the less another successfully executed 40th Nanna’s.

3-5 Loss Vs The Bulls

CB (1), DC (1), RH, TK (G), AW, TW (1(MOM))

It was a night against our old foes from the days of the pits. The old Bulls. Though there seems to be only one old bull that I recognise still playing on the team and that would be the old ref.

We did play them only 2 weeks ago and my calf had only just repaired from their crazy goalie kicking the crap out of it. But this was the first official game against them and, for that matter, the first official game inout new league back with APISC but still northside. Better court, better lighting, better organisation and just a better vibe all round.

We played a very good game. Our defence was pretty good and we managed to get in the goalies face a bit and got a few past him. He wasn’t cracking as many gags as in our warm up match. The seriousness of this match had dawned on him and he saw us as a real threat.

Though anytime we looked a little threatening they seemed more than capable of cutting through and giving themselves a coupe of goals breather.

A little tighter in the back and some assistance up front and they are team we might just pip to the post.

I was unable to go on the cook as I raced of to meet up with a bucks dinner and then drinks, and more drinks and then a little mens gallery before getting home around 5.30 the next morning. Why don’t more friends get married??

the weekend after a 60 cm dump. happy times for one nanna.

3247m

nanna tracks

there’s even football.

Dave, RH, DC, TW, AW, Arnaud (MOM)

vs Men in Black (again due to yet another forfeit)

Nannas 9 plays Men in Black 6

Attendance: CB (1), GF, CG (1), JH (MOM, 2), RH (3), TW (2)

The night started with beer. Guy Fraser is going away (in case you don’t know), so him and me went to some little bar in the city to meet other RMIT-ers to talk about Web Services and some of the other people he had to work with. The discussion was lively, and many a regret was shared that Guy was leaving RMIT and Melbourne.

Anyhow, then we trained it to the Preston and got there just in time to find the gate locked. While trying to figure out how to get in we sized up the opposition.  They seemed one part old, too parts fat and the last part way too young. But first appearances are often deceiving and so it was on this occasion. The old dude, even though he did have a ciggy just before he came on court, had some moves and a shot on him. The two young fat guys were pretty good also (why is it that dudes who are top heavy always seem to have a low centre of gravity?). And the young guy? He didn’t play.

Anyway, so we got into it. They got a couple in that first stanza but the Nannas were always on top. Gilla got possibly the goal of the match, with a long shot that had more dip on it than a cracker at a early evening boozy BBQ. I slotted two, one from a Captainly pass and another from a long ball again from that man our keeper. I think Chassy got the fourth to round out the half, and we took it to the sheds with a 4-2 lead (Gill and Chassy had a little tete a tete at half time, which although I didn’t see, I did hear about post match. Apparently offence was taken after one teammate told another to play the percentages. On the face of it, this doesn’t seem an unreasonable request [especially since the guilty party is a bit trigger happy in his low percentage play] but obviously the aggrieved party took it in the wrong spirit. I feel for him).

Then to the second half, and as so often happens they came at us early in that interval. If the truth be told we gave them every opportunity, as we coughed up the ball time and again. Sure we did get an early goal (I think I miss kicked it to the Captain who was on hand for the simplest of tap ins) but they got a couple and were just about to get a third when Guy Fraser, four beers in him and all, stepped up and put his mark on the game.

It was a pivotal moment. If they had of scored, it would have been five all, and they would have had all the momentum going into those last ten to twelve minutes. This is how it went down. Gilla was off his line. The ball got past him and was heading for the back of the net. Tao was on hand but couldn’t quite manage to clear it: he was falling, he was trying to coordinate his body to get a foot to it to boof it clear. And then from no-where, like Maverick coming out of the sun going head to head with a commy to save Ice Man’s pearly white arse, Fraser came to the rescue of the Nannas. No one knows where he came from, how he read the play to get himself into that position to make such a stunning goal line clearance, but there he was with those size 13s doing the business.

From there we steadied, scoring four more before the final whistle. The Captain’s header (patented Nanna sucker punch) was the most memorable of these (or the one that I remember). They got two very late but by then the game was over. The only other thing to mention is the Captain’s shoulder charge, which almost caused a fight on court. Sure it was an accident and not really his fault, but you can see why the opposition were a bit upset about it: he really did smash the guy.

After that, we went to Guy’s for bad pizza and possibly the best choice for a Nanna movie ever. If you weren’t there, all I can say is you missed out: never has the rapture been so well represented on the big screen.

Nannas 5 play Coconut soldiers 2

Attendance: GF 1, CG (keeper)2, RH, TH 2, AW, TW CB(ass coach) (I have no idea who got the goals, is this right?)
Virtual attendance: DC (skype)

MOM: GF

The ladder has gone J.L. Borgesian, with nannas crusing down parallel universal freeways, playing the same team, again and again, in endless semi semi finals.
It has begun. We’ll be playing Coconut Soldiers each week from now on for eternity. And we’re all slowly waking up to that fact.
But when you think about it, it’s a pretty good way to spend eternity (and all because some failed player in the Balkans sold his soul to the devil and this was one of his bizarre wishes, but that’s another story).
I think this was the first time, the first time we played the Coconut Soldiers in the semi semi, but we could literally have already played them dozens of times and I probably wouldn’t remember this until years later (like the recurring opening credits to First Blood dream I keep having, where I’m Rambo and I’m coming home).
This may have been the first semi semi though, lets pretend that it was.
We came out strong and dominated the entire game. Andy showed a lot of vigour out there. Tao showed passion. Hinkley and Tom working the field like a couple of grunts digging trenches as the shells are falling. Gilla went a little whacko and got a couple of yellow cards but he looked like he was loving every minute of it. The new ref sorta reminded me of Baklie off Perfect Strangers. In an insane parallel universe infinity maze, his straightness was like a cucumber slices laid out on the mind. My girlfriend was there, and I was elated to score a goal from a quick pivot turn in front of her eyes. I can’t remember shit about the game apart from that, but there’ll be more. There’ll be plenty more.
We did good, we did real good. One of the strongest starts to infinity season one could hope for.

Nannas 8 play Coconut soldiers 8

Attendance: CB 1, GF 3, JH 5, RH, TH (keeper)

MOM: JH

We almost had ‘em Nannas. We were close, very close. Had one or two things gone our way, or one or two things gone against them (especially in those last minutes), victory would have been ours and ours alone.

Yet, a draw wasn’t a bad result given how well they started. Within a couple of minutes they had scored twice, and then soon after that they put in a couple more. Tommy did get caught in goals once, but they were quick, and if you gave them half a chance (which I did for their first) they were good at putting them away.

But there was a sense that we weren’t out of it. Even though they went four up within about ten minutes, we were in the game. We were getting heaps of ball and they were letting us have heaps of time and space on it. There were three or four times in that opening stanza when we were running at them and they kept backing off, almost inviting us to shoot, which we did, but couldn’t make it count.

Then we got one. Tommy threw the long ball, which I got my head to and the deflection snuck under their keeper. Then we got another, as the Captain got the ball from a quick side kick in (after the ref penalised them for a slow re-start, which he would do a few more times throughout the match). The Captain and I only had the keeper to beat, which we did (even though I almost fucked it, getting the ball caught under my feet). Half time 4-2.

The second half was much more open. They kept coming at us but we came at them too, and for the most part they came off second best (most of their goals in that second half came from long throws).

The tight five was really working for us on this evening. Maybe because it was the A team. Special mention goes first to Chassy. Yes, he was playing on no knees, hobbling around the court like an old man, he usual speed and verve visibly reduced but he still managed to play the anchor role, cutting off passes in the middle of the park and distributing nicely up the court. Fraser also gets a mention, not only for his committed running but for his positional play up front. The big man has now worked out where to put himself to make the most of his hulking frame and as a result the goals are coming. The Captain too deserves mention. He planted himself in the middle of the park and was integral to most of what the Nannas did. It’s strange with the Captain because I only remember bit and pieces of his involvement or him playing at all (maybe that’s why he go so few MOM votes) but from what I do remember he played well.  Last but not least is Tommy. He again proved that his case to be our number one is very strong, not just for his stopping ability but also his distribution. We were getting heaps of ball and it was all quality.

So, pretty soon the goals were coming thick and fast, and pretty soon after that we had parity, with seven a piece. And then, with about a three or four minutes left on the clock I was loitering in front of their goal on a side kick in and then I stepped out to the left. No one picked me up. Chassy, who saw the opening, fed me the ball; the keeper, sensing the danger, came at me; I, with only one thing on my mind, slotted it under him. 8-7, we were in front for the first time in the game.

After that they came at us and came at us again. We repelled most of their assaults but then they got a corner. They played it in to the middle and the ball bobbled around a bit. Chassy and Ghee were on hand but couldn’t quite get close to it, as the enemy repeatedly pinged at goal and after about four goes, they finally managed to put it away. 8-8.

There was about forty seconds remaining when we kicked off again and somehow the Captain and I found ourselves down the left hand side. Captain got tackled and the ball spilled to me. I lined up, I shot but it went across the face just as the hooter went. 8-8.

Now, there is a little matter of how many goals we scored. I am very sure I got five, Ghee is totally sure he got three and Chassy is claiming the one. There were a couple of times in the match when the ref did get the score mixed up, awarding goals to the wrong team. Did we get shafted?

Nannas 2 play One hit wonders 5

Attendance: GF, CG (yellow card), JH, TK, TW, Arnaud

MOM: CG, JH

It’s tough being a Nanna these days. It’s true we are not the force we once were. It’s also true that we can hardly scrape together a team. The word was put out on the Flurry that this could be the last season we play indoor, and while there a couple of people who were emphatic in shouting this down, there was also an eerie silence from those who used to like to call themselves upper management.

No one knows why the Coach didn’t play but he did turn up immediately after the game to go see a movie with his Brown brothers (at least that’s something). Cocky was in Adelaide and Andy omitted himself due to family commitments (he can be excused after his heroics of the previous weeks). But what of Captain and Chassy? There has been a rumour going around that Chassy is in the permanently injured camp (something about cartilage and knees), while the Captain it was said was out to a play (really?).

However, given all that, the Nannas were okay on this evening. Sure we got beat but it wasn’t all bad. We got out to an early lead courtesy of two goalie long throws: one their keeper turned into his own goal; the other, I slammed home after their keeper again made a mess of it.

From there it looked like we might go on and rack up a score but that only lasted for a minute or so. We lived off scraps: we didn’t hold the ball all that well when we had it, and we never had it all that often.

Our opponents were pretty good, it has to be said. They held the ball well, they shut us down well, they shot well (although Gilla did save well) and well, they were just better than us.

After our early lead, they put five past us, although one was a gift from Gilla who got trapped with the ball close to his own goal.

I thought our ring in was going to provide us with more (after seeing him warm up), but he did say after the game that he hasn’t played in almost a year, after suffering a stroke just before that.

I also thought Tao might slot home a few, after his form from a couple of weeks back, but he really didn’t see that much ball. Guy Fraser was also keen to get on the scoresheet after he told his woman he would get one for her but even he couldn’t manage it.

And then there was the small matter of Gilla getting up the ref. Some people think he’s good but I’m sorry, I am not one of them. He misses a lot (not to mention a goal, which Gilla did score). Having said that, it is not a good idea to berate him, as it only makes him hate you.

Nannas 2 vs Spartans 5

TW, GF, JH (mom) 1, TK, CG (mom) 1, Arnaud,

There was a dead bird lying on the ground under the porch as we approached the Preston Girls High School. A pidgeon.

The Spartans were that, undermaned, lean and hungry. They came with a wry smile. We were thinking about the bird. The dead bird. We also had a frenchman among us, Arnaud. He was a friend of Takeshi and a great footballer. This seemed to be enough as we were sudddenly up 2 nil. Things were looking good, then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, they got a triple and we were scratching heads.

I got shitty with the ref as the gap got wider and we got a little out of touch as another goal became 5-2. That didn’t help. We fought on but they were rather good at holding onto the ball and won out convincing winners. We fought well, but they were all good, with two guys particularily good.

As we skulked outside, past the dead bird, a figure shuffled up. The lurking coach in the shadows. How long had he been there, no one really knew. He said he just turned up, but we couldn’t have been sure. He had a peaked cap that shielded his eyes.

He went off with Fraser and Tao in search of gravity as Jim and Takeshi went home.

GF(1), CG, RH(3(MOM)), AW, TW(4(MOM), JH(1)

Nannas 6 play FD United 7
Attendees: DC, GF (2), CG (2), JH (2), DAVE
MOM: CG, JH

So here I was, a little bit high, a little bit out of breath, a little bit what the fuck do we do now? Cocky, in going for a run up the middle, got his fucked foot stomped on. He was straight off with a, ‘Sorry Nannas, I am out.’

At the time, I thought was a fucking soft cock (after the game it did look pretty bad) and started doing permutations in my head: our four players, they had six; there were still thirty-odd minutes on the clock; they were one goal up; Ghee and I were super high; Dave and Gilla are good but not that good.

The opposition weren’t great. Sure, they had some nice foot skills and they were up for it: being more pushy and aggressive than America in the eighties. Yet, they had a bad habit of shooting from range, instead of taking us on or passing through us. They shot and they shot and they shot some more, but it was all from outside our defensive ring, and Gilla swallowed them up every time. And their one big failing was their keeper, because in that first half we kept scoring against him. Gilla forced a couple of long ones, I got one on the turn, and Ghee tapped home from close range from a side kick in. These last two goals were things of beauty, even if I do say so myself. We went 4-1 up early in the first half.

I think they go one back before half time (my recollection is fuzzy on this, it could have been two). I do remember Gilla on the ground entangled with one of the opposition fighting over the ball in the goal mouth. I thought Gilla had won the fight but in the end he lost and the ref (who, in my opinion at least, was favouring the other side) gave the goal, when it really should have been a foul.

Anyway, we stepped on court for the second half to Ghee saying something like, ‘if we win this we will be heroes.’ He meant it as a pep talk but Dave and I promptly told him to shut up (sorry Gheezer).

The second half was different to the first in that we didn’t get as much ball and the novelty of playing four on five had worn off. What’s more, we were starting to tire, and Gilla was throwing more and more of the ball away. He did tell us at half time that our only hope was to hit them with the sucker punch. I couldn’t quite work out if he was defending his long ball tactics, or if he was forewarning us of what he was going to do in the second half but it mattered little: I was too addled to argue.

For most of that half, we defended, defended, and then defended some more. It was working pretty well. We weren’t marking up but more marking the space, putting our number of three between them and goal. They did get through us a couple of times and I mis-kicked a corner that went straight to one of them, who only had Gilla to beat, but for the most part we frustrated them. It went to 6-4.

And then, just as it looked like we were go to go down, Gilla’s long throw strategy gave birth to a goal, and I forced another from their culpable keeper from a side kick in. He really was shit. So here we were, five minutes to go at 6-6. We were feeling pretty confident: our defence was working, another goal was on the cards, and if we won this thing or least drew it, which looked likely, we truly would be heroes.

Then with thirty seconds they got a corner. They passed to the little guy with the moves. He got through Dave and Ghee. I confronted him, and he went to my left but I couldn’t get close enough to him. He shot. Gilla got his hands to it but couldn’t turn it aside. The final whistle blew. 7-6.

After, on the car ride back to dinner, we discussed the crumbling of the Nannas, how long we would last (about a month most said) and what happened to the commitment to the Brown cause. It was widely agreed that the Nannas were now something we did only if we didn’t have anything else on. And then Cocky cried, and we all cried with him.

vs Club M
lost 3-7
TH (GK), CB 1, TW, RH 2, DH, DC (ass coach)
MOM CB/TH

This week’s flurry, aka Farting Like Unicorns Rimming on Rhian’s Yacht numbered some 70 replies and was viewed 203 times. With only 4 Nannas available to play we were lucky to have Carolina’s Dave Henderson put his fatherly duties to one side and come to our aid.

Club M are a big team. Physically superior, skilful, cohesive and to top it all off fully freaking francophone. The Nannas might have been running on empty but they stepped up big time and played well out of their skins. Solid marking, tight defence and unflappable composure kept the score a respectable 2-1 to Club M by half-time.

DH was excellent on the intercept and his passing on the offensive baseline was well frosty. DC was in attendance and was phenomenal in his role as ass coach. The Nannas’ goals all came from the calm zone. Two of them were the product of a sequence of passes back and forth across the court, leaving the Club M goalie out of position for the silky tap in by RH. The writer’s goal was a kick from the side. He thought to himself, ‘boot the crap out of it towards the goal and hope for the best’. Then he thought, ‘no, you’ve been doing that all game and it hasn’t worked.. try fast and accurate, toward the back post’. It worked. Deflection off the inner calf of one of the M’s.

So they got a few more goals but they had to work for them. Tommy “3rd string” Howie showed just how deep the Goalkeeping talent runs in the Nanna squad. Transcendentally deep man!

The aprés action was to be had deep in the dimly lit recesses of Joe’s Shoe Store. An oldie but a goodie. The pilseners tasted real good and Sebastian was keeping bar which always adds to the ambience. TH didn’t make it for the aprés as he had to rescue Eve from the feds.

GF stayed home to fold his undies but being the relaxed fella that he is, he was quite ok with louchely tossing his panties unfolded into his valise.

Looking forward to joint ass coaching with DC this week and welcoming big JH back from his country hiatus.

For those who missed it and those missing it:

The original Geekbench score with 2 x quad-core 2.26 GHz

a pair of X5680s secondhand off ebay

cleaning stuff, thermal bits and a long 3mm hex driver

Processor board comes out

heatsink comes off leaving some goo behind

nice shiny heatsink

fan connector clipped

thermal pad attached to voltage regulators

shiny new CPU leaves the cosy safety of it’s anti-static bag

and gets smeared with thermal paste

and then placed in motherboard

the tricky bit is tightening the screws on the heatsink but it all went very smoothly and now there are 2 x hex-core 3.3Ghz chips…

which are TWICE as fast… happy days.

Loss 3-10 to United

7-8 Loss to The Fatties

RH(4), Dave ((1)Ring In), ES ((G) Ring In), GF, GS (WOM), TW (2)

The following post is written by the Woman Of the Match Grace Sims.

Pressure! So much pressure.

It is a mighty day in Nanna history, let me start from the very beginning…

Sitting there on the train listening to two old guys chat about the recent changes in politics, boring as pig shit! I receive a phone call of a magic dog who vanished from one property to another with no sign of entry or exit.. “by the way your filling in for the Nannas tonight”. SHIT! I am of the female variety so this is a huge request. Vaginas on the Nannas team is UNHEARD of.

So, the magic vanishing dog, Sims (the other pressured ring-in), the small dabi giving child, T-Dog, Gee and myself venture out into the night for this most epic adventure.

Mixed emotions as we step out to warm up.. the Fattys look… skinny and good! Low expectations can only get better right? Sims is getting the hang of things in goal. Apparently the only person willing to step foot in that god forsaken box of doom. Polite introductions from the long standing Nannas who are certain that this game is already lost but at least they got out of the house for a night… The Game begins. Not a great 1st minute however a striking 2nd minute goal by the almighty Nannas! Maybe its not going to be as bad as we all thought.

WAIT! I’m going to bloody die! I’m pretty sure there are daggers in my lungs and T-Dog won’t let me off god damn it! 1st half seems like a wheezy hot blur of balls flying all over the place. Some spectacular goals scored… unfortunately for the Fattys as well. On a lighter note the ref was doing such a great job he barely got yelled at. Gorilla defence was the strength of the half for sure.

Steaming forward (literally I think I might be bright red and about to throw up on the shorter guy with the black top and fancy footwork). D-Man (another more regular ring-in) was freakin rockin around the place with epic defence and equally as epic attack. Somewhere in the a yellow card was flashed about to the Fattys goaly. Seconds later BOOM Nannas strike again. Were on our toes! I have no clue how I managed to the end of the game, everyone was so tall and lanky and really hard to keep up with.. the boys (our boys) were smashing their fancy footwork to the dump and turning it around.. and in the end… we lost:-( BUT it was the best loss ever. Only by 1 when the expectation was to be much like last week.

Chur to the fantabulous Nannas for letting a Vagina play on the team!

BOOM done… beat you damn blog post!

5-3 Win Vs Xavie’s FC

CB(2), DC(2), CG(G), AW, GF, RH, TW(1(MOM))

It was a night to relish. A big win against a team that could have had us. We kept poise and grace for most of the night. Dan was off his rags, which helped, and Gilla was ignoring his groin issues, which also helped by keeping the oppositions tally down.

The first half gave us a taste of what we were up against. I can’t actually remember anyones goals except my own, which I usually can’t remember either, but on this occasion it felt real good. A pass back from the sideline and I just kicked that fucker right on the sweet spot to send that ball flying with a nice curve on it’s travels into the top left corner. Yeah that felt good.

The Xavie’s had a couple of players with some talent but the real threat didn’t come until they subbed goalies and the shortest of the Irish crew came out to try his luck. It wasn’t long before we frustrated this little yellow wagtail into kicking the ball away when it was our line kick. This infuriated myself and I made a stand. Next time it was a kick of theirs from the sideline I kicked it for 6. For what reason you may ask, well good question and one the ref plus our friendly court side manager felt they needed to ask me. Was it necessary? Yes it was unnecessary, but did it make a point to the Xavie’s? It may have a little. Did it make me feel better? Well yes it did. So was it worth it? Well I didn’t get a yellow and I still got MOM so yes, yes it was fucking worth it.

This is a team we will have to keep and eye on. They do have some good players and they may start playing better as a team. Let’s hope not. We need at least a couple of teams we can beat in this league. Otherwise it’s back south side.

So in summary I spoke a lot about the opposition and, well, myself I guess. Sorry about that.

On a brighter note a few dedicated Nanna’s didn’t pussy out from their beach box obligations and went out on Saturday night for some gluttonous dumpling eating, serious beer drinking, ugly tequila swigging, rather tame vaporising, even tamer Hollywooding (not that it wasn’t appreciated) and profitable poker hands (well for me any hows). Funniest moment of the night would have to be Dan thinking 4s were still wild. Classic.

Vs coconut soldiers
8-3
CB 1, TH 1, TW 1, TK, DC, GF
AW (post match)

What we have doneth is that we have inverted our shizzle in a temporal sense and now instead of playing well in the first half and then petering out like a Circuitt in the second half, we is now petering like a Circuitt in the first half before we have e’en beguneth. And by Gwyneth ’tis not working for us. And ’tis making us loseth.

On a positive note, our second half is solid. Or unsullied you might say. As strong as one thousand unsullied. As hitherto mentioned in a prior report by this selfsame writer, whence that writer did freely availeth himself of the Eco-bulb metaphor (pronounced met-a-fuh), the game of nannas is a gradual one and one that takes some time to reach its zenith.

“So what did happeneth in this particular game of nannas” I hear you cry, sounding not unlike Joffrey when he did yelleth “I am not tired” in the season finale of a certain unmentionable television series.

Well, I shall telleth it and it wenteth thus. Many goals were struck. Nine goals in the first half. That’s one goal every two minutes. Seven for the soldiers and two for us. Our first goal was a corker from old ironborn T-Ho. He came thundering in toward the corner ball from C-Bro, and then smashed it beyond doubt into the back of the net with maximum velocity. It was not dissimilar to the first goal in the Socceroos’ match vs Jordan by Bresciano.

Later, T-Wi executed an unforgettable piece of offensiveness in scoring another goal. No mind could have forgotten the circumstances of this outstanding play. No normal human mind. But then the Nannas posesseth minds of such thoroughbred efficiency and raw singleminded power and silky self excising purity that even the details of this memorable moment slipped straight through the collective consciousness like so many olestra fried potatoes through the collective colon.

Then it was half time and we got a bit roused up and we went back on and unlike the writing of this report (which is now tapering to its slim end), we got our turgid thickness on, fought back with all our beef and tied the final 18 minutes 1 fucking all. Resulting in an 8-3 loss.

C-Bro put a long ball in for a goal that caressed a man’s gut on the way in to the net. T-Ko was excellent in goals and took many a fulsome hit. D-Cro played well but sulked a bit at half-time. G-Fra had some moves but looked a little sleepy.

Afterwards we took it to the Northcote Social Club for some burgers eh! A-Wah joined us for the post match. Nuff said.

vs Balkanjeros 8-6 Loss
CB 1, DC, GF 1, JH 3, RH 1, TH gk (MOM), TW

Once when Old King Lion was on his way to rock bottom, but hadn’t quite bottomed out, he went to a bar. He’d just lost another game at the pits and there was whiff of scat about his mane. He went to a bar looking for a good time, looking for a way to forget another beating. He started drinking and chatting to the ladies and drinking some more. He chromed a couple cans of gold spray paint and dropped some advils. He showed some backpackers his premiership tatts and did some bourbon shots with them. He had a couple bumps of cheap blow and shelved some meth. He was in a bit of a state. Then this super smoking sexy woman walked in. At first she was all like “who’s this minging lion with the crazy eyes”, then she found out he was the lion known as Old King Lion and she was keen for a sail on this mighty boat of a lion, once the fiercest and most wrathful of all the lions. She wanted to be one with the legend and taste the formidability, and a little bit of her felt sorry to see that the once mighty beast had fallen. Now Old King Lion never had any trouble getting any, he was after all Old King Lion, but since the slide had started it was fair to say he wasn’t quite banging any supermodels or hot young starlets, and despite the impairments in his system he still knew something wasn’t quite right. This chick didn’t want to fuck him for who he was, she wanted to fuck him for who he was (ie in the past). It would be nothing but a dirty mercy fuck. But he still went and made sweet love to her because damn that shit feel good mercy fuck or no.

Anyway Jim should probably rightly feel a bit shafted for missing out on MOM after a hattrick. And apart from a couple of dumb goals against us we gave them a good run. Cooking has become a bit of a hit and miss affair, we’re just randomly picking Chinese restaurants on High st, and they’re generally only a pass mark. But there is always Raccoon for a whiskey with Rhian’s best friends.

The coach, in his inimitable metonymical style, has pretty much covered all the leonine bases, which leaves me only to ruminate on the twisted ankle I received during the game. It was one of those 50/50 balls where both combatants are connecting at pretty much the same instant. If it were an exercise in 5th form physics the be-leather-patched teacher would explain to his young and restless  students how the equal and opposing forces cancel each other out resulting in an energy transfer from kinetic to heat or light energy. Unfortunately for the author this was not the case, instead the younger, angrier, stokier side of the equation got more on it and the more elegant and subtly placed side of the equation got hideously twisted beyond the normal operational envelope… to be continued… maybe.

First published on: Jun 6, 2013 @ 19:17 – backdated for your viewing pleasure

win 5-2
CB 1, DC(MOM) 2, CG(MOM) 1, GF, TH(MOM) 1, TW, AW

Sometimes Old King Lion is pissed off, there’s little ants biting the inside of his nose, it’s too hot in the African sun, the hyenas are making too much noise and generally being cockheads about it all, as a result his mind is not focused and pursuant to this his performance suffers.

Other times Old King Lion is very relaxed, he’s just hanging out on the Savannah, his balls being licked by whatever small mammal does not want to be eaten by him, there’s a bit of a breeze coming off the lake where the flamingos frolic as the sun goes down creating a vista to marvel at, he’s being served freshly cured antelope jerky and he is in what you may call a zen like state, a state where no frustration resides in his belly, in such a state he will fuck you up a thousand ways, barely raising a sweat.

Suffice it to say it was the latter of the two states Old King Lion found himself in this Thursday past. Despite the fact he was staring down an ugly angry bunch of most unsportsmanlike jackles -who probably had the edge on him- he kept his grin on, and never really looked like losing.

5-2 loss maybe?
MOM RH and another ? maybe TK?

The sound of the waves of discontent that crashed upon the APISC shore could still be heard from the sparsely furnished Preston Girls mezzanine. Previous woes buffeting the ears of proud brown men like the autumn winds that chased the leaves in their new Northern home. But how proud they were, and strong, and resolute, protective of the fragile leather that lay between them like spent love between the sheets.

And sing the good song of Harmony these brown men did. The drum of unity driving the melody of individual flair, a symphony in motion. The mid point met us with all things equal, a game balanced on the tip, who would crumble?, who would lose their nerve?

But who is this? Surely not? The old enemy from within? Conflict, Abuse disharmony. The once proud men drop the metaphoric ball before the real one has time to reach them.

Loss

The taste of winning too rich for those used to lapping at the pool of humiliation. A game lost rather than a team beaten.

Lesson: defeat rides the thermals of hot men losing their cool

Tao did a fine job of covering the match proper and, given as he wasn’t able to attend the ‘aprés’, I shall offer instead a report on the after-match festivities.

—

So, newly ensconced in the deep north the nannas have been forced into a re-think of the post match venue. It had been rumoured that Preston is veritably teeming with hipster bars so we set out to find one … and find one we did. The Racoon club left me with three enduring images. The First, taxidermy, the stuffed racoon is the new wooden owl. The second, a pretend lumber jack working on his full sleeve tat designs, you know, the bearded, buddy holly bespectacled, flannel shirt wearing guy hunched hunched over a sheet of tracing paper earnestly working on the shading of his pseudo japanese gangster dragon scales… The last and most comical, is the more effete version of the faux-jack, whispy beard and sailors beanie on top of overtly miscombined patterns swirling a ridiculously large brandy glass … hilarious. The captain was experiencing an acute case of hipsteritis and muttering into his order-of-magnitude-more-hetreo-and-manly whiskers… needless to say we were back the following week ordering the finest Islay single malts* and locally brewed small batch IPAs…

* Ardberg, not as medicinal as Laphroig but with all the smoke and peat

First published on: Jun 6, 2013 @ 19:04 – backdated for your chronologically ordered viewing pleasure

5-6 Vs ?? (New Team Not Listed)

CG (GK), CB(1), RH, DC (2, MOM), TH, AW, TW (2, MOM)

After a solid win then a draw the Nanna’s were certainly feeling pretty optimistic of a win on this night. The third night northside and up against a new team at that. Well unfortunately it was not to be.

In the end we may have come in a little too cocky for our own good. For a good part of the game we felt we had them under control but a little of their pushing and more so their ability to get around us got us a little hot under the collar and Nanna started blaming Nanna. Never a good sign.

At some stage in the game the other team had a late arrival who was a serious game changer. All of a sudden their gun fired a few shots that no one saw coming in the dying minutes and left us wondering WTF just happened.

So what went wrong? Well the team were a bit better than us.

Did they keep their cool under pressure?…… Yes.

Did they blame each other when things went wrong?….. No.

Did they have that guy that can just take control and carefully and thoughtfully take the ball from one end of the court to the other and score?……. Yes.

Did we keep our cool under pressure?…… No.

Did we blame each other when things went wrong?…. Yes

Were we a little confused by a much bouncier ball?….. Fuck yes. That thing bounced all over the place. Legs were flying into mid air as the ball bounced over the top of our feet on many occasion.

Can we blame the ball for our loss?……. We can try.

What we can take from this?…… Love Thy Nanna.

The Nannas™, on their knees again…

—

First published on: Jun 12, 2013 @ 14:58 – backdated

First Published on: Jun 12, 2013 @ 14:55 – backdated