Attendees: JH (MOM), AW (MOM), TW (MOM), Headmaster James (HJ), Joel

Nannas 5 plays Alberto Melasani FC 5

Two days before my birthday (f#ck you all) and the Nannas all decided that this would be a good week to not play. This happens sometimes when everyone has something on and we are left scrambling to find ringers (to be noted: a couple of Nannas disappeared off the face of the earth after signalling their non-playing intentions; this surprised some Nannas, Tao especially).
So, we thought we had a team with Chas and Guido saying they could join the fray but Chassy did the classic I’m out, no, I’m in, no, I’m out, move (the legend of the enigmatic Chassy continues to grow), while Guido rang me about two hours prior the game saying he had to fly to Brazil the next day and wasn’t going to make it.
So I texted Phil, who said he could come but then didn’t show up. Luckily Joel could deputise but when we got on court he didn’t really play that much. He said it wouldn’t be fair if he played to his full ability (or some shit like that), so he hung out on court, didn’t man up and was more a link man than anything else. To be reasonable, he did pull out a move or two and scored a goal so I can’t diss him too much but we would have creamed them if he had tried (so probably best not to get him again).
I was in goals for the first three quarters of the match and this is what I clearly recollect from that time:
1. There was some very sweet passing and movement, and Tao hit almost the perfect goal after essentially the ideal lead up. I threw it to him standing just on the other side of half way. He laid it off to Andy, who drew in a defender and then passed it back to Tao. Tao had space so he hit it with the outside of the toe. It swerved wickedly from left to right. The keeper had no chance.
2. While we were effervescent in attack, our defence was close to the opposite. There were at least a dozen times when they streamed forward with not a brown player between them and me (I know how Gilla feels). Surprisingly, I did save quite a lot after getting a few early shots hit straight at me (which made me mad but also gave me confidence) but couldn’t get everything.
Then I came out of goals and HJ went in. HJ was as good in goals as he was on court (which was in every way noble and upstanding, befitting a man of his stature and employ); I am pretty sure he didn’t let any in and if it were up to me he would be first choice sub (even though when he wasn’t in goals he missed two or three sitters from directly in front in true Jim Hannan style).
Anyway, I thought we were in front 5-4 when I came out of goals, and not long after, after a bit of a goal-mouth scrap, I put one away. Obviously I didn’t look at the scoreboard but it was 5-5, instead of 6-4 (like I thought).
Anyway, that’s how it ended up, except for one punk talking shit about Gilla after the bell. These guys could be our new arch enemies, and what’s more we can beat them easily (if we were to pull a full-strength team together).
Afterward, we went to our new clubhouse and talked of babies, absent Nannas, flying overseas and trips to the snow (and obviously, I was the tallest one there).

vs The Randy Dragons 2-10 Loss
CB, JH, RH, TH 2 (MOM), TK(gk)

We Lost to The Randy Dragons

Boy did it hurt. That fucken’ scaled scabrous thing you do not want given you a fucken’. 8======>~~~~~ But fucken’ us it did. Ouch! To paraphrase the pharisees – Jesus Fucking Christ! Like when Conan the Barbarian punched a horse we went down. It was bad.

Let’s focus on the positives. I got two goals – that does NOT happen every day. We drank beer – that was fun. It was Jim’s first game as a married man – it did not end in divorce. Chassy said the FUNNIEST thing I have EVER heard at the pub – we all laughed. +++++ (positives)

Well, where to from here? We need to fight back, and get our own Dragon Cocks. I’m pretty sure buying actual Dragon Cocks is frowned up on (like buying Rhino horn I guess), but there’s no law in the world that says you can’t turn your own Penis into a Dragon Cock – sooooooooooooooo somehow we have to metamorphise Chassy into a Dragon’s Member *BA DING CHA* see what I did there? Oh boy-o.

8:40 versus Lieutenants
CB 1m, DC 2m, RH 1, TH, TK, AW 1 – (highly unsure of the actual goal tally)

The mercury has really dropped recently, which makes the dedication of the Coach® and the author to their on-going controlled experiment even more remarkable. I swear the temperature in the Merri Creek Valley was close to zero as our intrepid cyclists made their way to Brunswick (perversely riding within meters of the skippers house en route).

Much like last week kick off was again meet almost immediately with weirdness. This time in the form of Joel – aka Little Ref – informing our opposition that they were on the wrong court… that was a first. They departed and the Nannas, who until that point had been playing rather well, were left standing around the court looking rather confused (the author even more confused due to the bewildering effects of the controlled experiment was prompted to question if in fact it was actually happening in actual reality). Eventually another team was found who appeared half familiar but at the same time kind of cobbled together. Weird. Needless to say we’d really had our flow fucked with. Now, we’ve played these guys (or most of them) many times before and one thing that is really noticeable is that they really don’t like to smile much, if at all. Anyway, it was a curious game in that we actually played quite well, stringing together some really nice moves, especially passing around the back (with some tasteful touches from Takeshi in goal), but we lost really badly, shipping 9 goals in the process ? how the hell did that happen. I was clearly to blame for one of them, I swear there was no way the guy could control this crazy goalie looping punt… but he did. The Coach was also to blame for a couple of not-following-your-man-as-he-runs-in-a-little-circle-doing-a-1-2-in-the-box-before-shooting goals. So perhaps the Skipper is right in proposing that the GHBG is good for attack and not so good for defence… could be something in that… maybe… possibly. Speaking of attack, we did score a couple of nice ones, I almost karate kicked their goalie in the face to get a mega cross court switch ball from von Martinadale III. There were also an inordinate amount of goal-mouth scuffles which we never quite able to convert. I should also mention that there was some rather unsavoury off-the-ball action when one of the opposition blatantly elbowed the author in the ribs ? apparently this was in retaliation for some perceived injustice earlier in the game. Moments later the same perpetrator, having been bested in a 50/50 ball proceeded to hack wildly at the authors legs as he made off with the ball, fortunately for the authors bodily well being he had transitioned into a kind of flux state where the hacker had become more a tricky piece of terrain to navigate while skiing or mountain biking than a human, a kind of terramophism if you will, which the author successfully avoided whilst involuntarily emitting a whoop of glee…

Anyway, the score did most certainly not reflect the game. poohs.

Afterward we went to Mr Wilkins and were regaled with tales of a young von Martindale III’s late night adventures in prophylactic procurement before being joined by Gillman du Brassy for an entirely wholesome game of Jenga (which the Coach lost). Pints of Steam Ale (and some unmentionable lager) were consumed and talk turned to the backdated bucks party that Jim would be needing having gone and got hitched in the Big Apple whilst on a research Junket for Cory Bernadi’s new conservative party for whom he will be shortly announcing his appointment as press secretary. The Nannas then spent the rest of the evening thinking of words that rhyme with Cory… story, allegory, Montessori…

p.s. what is that in Jim’s hand ?

Nannas 2 plays Unathletico Madrid 1
Attendees: Caesar, Dave, Gilla, Guido, Jim, Jerry (team MOM)

I am not quite sure what it is about this team that fires up the Nannas. Maybe it’s the little Asian dude, who’s forever grabbing at you, pushing you and purposely getting all up in your shit, but the moment you do it back to him, he gets more indignant than Donald Trump at a press conference. Then there’s their keeper and his on-field bunkum. This pecker puller, who can’t help himself but remark on nearly every play of the game, was the same guy that when we played them ages ago threw the ball away from Chassy when they were five or six goals up with a about thirty seconds on the clock. Or is it the guy with the angry eyes. Mr A-Eyes, after I had inadvertently kicked into him and then tried to apologise, went into this transfixed, primeval state with his mate all like ‘ooooh, don’t touch him, ooooooooooh don’t even go near him’ like he was so close to the edge that one more little push was going to see him inflict some sort of berserker rage.

Sure, in the first half, I got into them worse than a bad case of the Clap but it wasn’t like they were blameless in all this, and it wasn’t like we weren’t in a competitive environment where getting your opponent worked up is a good way to put them off their game (these are the same guys we beat in the semi last season).

You will be pleased to know that I did resolve to settle it down a bit after a couple of words from Dave at half time. The only problem was Caesar didn’t get this same advice, or if he did he didn’t heed it. He and Mr A-Eyes had a bit of a set too in the second half, which almost came to blows.

You will also be happy to hear that we were playing some good football. We were holding the ball and passing the ball, Caesar kept running through them, and Dave and I were cleaning up at the back. The first half ended at a goal apiece, and in the second, Caesar got another early on.
As the clock wound down they came at us again and again. They are fast and young, and in those last ten minutes it seemed like we must concede.
Yet they were also way angry and sulky. And like a spoilt child that always gets its way, they expected that the goals would come (but sometimes, like on this evening, this can work against you).

Gilla did pull off some amazing saves (as he always does) but the real turning point was when Jerry arrived with about eight minutes to go (just when some of the older Nannas were starting to tire). It was like the Calvary appearing out of the last afternoon mist after much blood shed and sure enough it tipped the battle in our favour.

As you probably have guessed, we held on.

Afterwards, most of them didn’t shake our hands and they were mutterings like, ‘let’s take it to the carpark’, but all they did out there was cry to the ref and Joel about how dirty we were and how the officiating should have done much, much more to stop this.

What a bunch of babies.

MOM: Andrew ‘Walmartin’ Wong
Report – unposted

first game in the new kit, and yes, Wal again taking another dump in our collective mouths…

” That’s come. I’ve come in your mouth. Not a frozen log”

Nannas 1 plays Dery 5
Att: ANDY, GILLA, GUIDO, JIM, KONDO, RHIAN, TAO

Another season done and another very Nanna way of completing a finals series. Yes, we made the granny but it wouldn’t be a Nanna granny without just a little controversy. And coming out of this minor storm upper management will need to answer two key questions before the new season:

1. What’s up with Chassy, or (put another way), is Chassy out of his fucking mind? Now don’t get me wrong, on the one hand I did very much enjoy the flurry that Chassy’s texts created. It was at times hilarious and one of the best flurries that the Nannas have generated in years. But on the other hand, and it’s a big but, there is a time and place for such conversations and given how divergent the Nannas can be on almost every given topic, he must of know that raising such a subject would create 

alarm

anarchy
anxiety

agitation

bedlam
a brouhaha

chaos

clashes

conflict

confusion

destruction

disorder

disarray

dismay

disquiet

a free-for-all

a furore
foreboding

hysteria

havoc

a hubbub

mayhem
madness

a mess

a mobocracy

panic
pandemonium

a racket

a rumpus

turmoil

tumult

a struggle

an uproar

unease 

within the brown ranks. So starting this conversation only hours before the game, and not letting it go like he did, was, as they say in corporate land, a complete and utter dick move. Sure, we all love Cocky, and as much as we all wanted him to play and we all felt for him that he couldn’t, the conversation about this should have happened way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way earlier. The question I keep coming back to is what was Chassy thinking? Was he trying to undermine us? Was he jealous that we were in the finals? Did he not want us to win? Was he just fucking with us (although this didn’t seem the case given the tenor of his later texts)? Why was it so important that Cocky played, and what did Cocky think about this? And why couldn’t he keep it in his pants and see that he was doing damage to the morale and stability of the Nannas so close to the season decider?

2. What is a Nanna? This is a question that was brought up during the pre-game discussion and it’s one that does need serious attention. Is it someone who’s been in and around the team all 15-16 years or it is someone that is in the team on any particular week? Will there ever be such a thing as an on court, playing Nanna, and an off-court or BeachBox Nanna? And where do ringers fit into the wider scheme of things, especially now that there are one or two Nannas that aren’t playing as much as they used to? Is it fair that we ask ring-ins to fill in and be an integral member of a team for five or six weeks as we go all the way to the finals but then, when we make the granny, we suddenly decide that the ringer be is not good enough and expect them not to play because a Nanna becomes available? Should there a minimum number of games you have to play a season to be a Nanna? Or can you always demand a walk up start for any game, let alone a final, regardless of when you played last? And if you’re not playing do you have the right to try to influence on court matters? What rights do you have if you are not a Nanna original? Would the Nannas ever be picked on form and/or commitment? What is the point of the Nannas? Are we a team or just a bunch of part-timers who pick and choose when we want to play and expect there to be a space ready for us to fill, even if it’s at the expense of the wider team? Do we want to win or are we just happy to turn up, week on week, and take what’s coming to us?
So many questions and as Tao said this will need to be resolved in the Nanna constitution before the next round of finals.

And so to the game. We did okay. It was a totally scrappy and uncontrolled affair, and it was always going to be won by the team who took their chances. They did, we didn’t: end of story. We had a couple of moments of good play, like the five or six minute spell leading up to half time when we started to string a few passes together and Guido buried one from close to half way (but just before the break they got one and got back to 2-1).
The second half was pretty much the same but their striker kept getting goal side and Gilla couldn’t stop him. It’s true we were a bit too fired up and there was no fluidity to how we played, and less passing. Far too often we kicked the ball away or went solo when someone else was open and had a better position than us.
The other team were good though. They hustled us; pretty much did what we did to those young punks last week. They never let us settle and were physical.
It was a bit disappointing. It was a bit frustrating. It was a bit sad.
Afterward, we went to Howler and discussed selling cars, treehouses, weddings, and then I left.

Attendees: DC 1, JH 2 (MOM), RH, TK, AW, Guido

Result: Nannas 4 plays Kent Brockman 10

Well, the Nannas are still having trouble putting a full team on the court. At the start of the week, we were a good seven brave Nannas willing to do battle. But by Thursday, first Tao went down (with flu), Tommy became unavailable because of
his beloved, and Cocky was 50/50 because of his lower leg.

So we brought in some cover in the form of Guido, our Brazilian super sub, who was only too keen to fill in for us.

Our opposition didn’t care for our troubled team line up. In the first five minutes of the game they must have put four passed us in quick succession. It has to be said that this is becoming all too familiar for the Nannas, mainly because we are continually coming up against some very quick, very skilful and very young opponents.

At this point I saw another familiar sight for the Nannas; the look of resignation. Yes, the Nannas over the last year or so have had to put up with being a bit outgunned and playing in the knowledge that we will be on the end of another loss. And tonight it looked like it was going to be a slaughter.

I do think this has had an effect on us, and has affected our form.

And so it was on this night, they put those first four passed us, our heads dropped and we had nothing to look forward to except another massacre. But then something happened. Guido came on, with his first two touches he went round two of their players and then buried his shot in the bottom left corner.

The fightback had begun. Guido was playing link man in the middle (apart from having a lot of pings himself) and laid on the second goal for me. Guido had the ball about ten out with his back to goal. I went passed him on his left and slid the ball to me. The angle was acute but I didn’t have anyone in the middle to pass to so I just tried to bang it into the top of the net. Well, the keeper just seemed to fade as the ball went above him and bulged the top of the goal.

We got two more goals, Guido one and me one too. I don’t remember Guido’s but mine was another good one too. I got the ball in mid court, went passed one of their players and the toe poke slid in at the far post.

There were a couple of moments when I was almost out on my feet but we ran and ran and competed and competed and won the second half two, one. Looking forward to the next game. We just need to start a little better.

Nannas 5 plays Sore Losers (Occasionally United) 4

DC, JH, TW, Guido, Phil

Okay, so only a few weeks after our AGM, where it was discussed that the Nannas need to pull their collective fingers out and turn up more, again we only had three brave brown men turning out.

One of those, me, was at the start still a bit unsure of if he wanted to play. I kinda got the feeling post-match that the Nannas thought my sadness a few weeks back was due to off-court issues (that is, the ex) but it wasn’t (more on that later): I didn’t like someone running up behind me, and screaming in my ear (well, that’s what it felt like) for putting the ball out of play, or being told I was shit when someone got in front of me to get the ball. This sort of thing does affect one’s confidence in the overall team spirit and brotherly love we like to think is the Nannas (which I why I said on the Flurry I thought we were kidding ourselves).

Anyhow, we were five, with Guido and Phil in, the latter in goals.

The opposing team. Well, they weren’t too bad. They were younger than us (not unusual) and had one dude who could play. But the Nannas weren’t too bad either. Cocky couldn’t quite run (he had cramps in his calf); Tao, who played okay, insisted on yelling at him every time he got out of position (I got a couple of blasts too but I did lose my man but the ones at Cocky were a bit much); Guido was in fine fettle, well his big toe was; and Phil was solid at the back and did some fine explorations up field with ball at foot.

The game was pretty tight but we were always in front with Guido and that big toe of his slotting some very fine goals. The best was laid on for him by Cocky, who slid through a glorious diagonal ball that got Guido’s man all out of position, effectively putting our gifted Brazilian through on goal to do what he does best.

The post match was pretty entertaining as the opposition got the shits with Phil, saying that they should have won the match on forfeit or at least got a goal because he (Phil) was playing on our side. Phil told them they should go jump and I added (as delicately as I could) that if we had our ‘proper’ team on the park we would have smashed them (their goalie’s reaction to this was priceless).

It was good to win.

Anyway, to the ex. So Tao dropped the news (after the game) that the ex is seeing someone (which is something I didn’t know up until that point but I must admit I did have my suspicions, mainly because Gilla was always talking about it). Now, to be truthful, this news did rock me for a little while (probably some of Friday) but on reflection I think the Nannas need to get over it. I feel like I am having that conversation with my parents all over again (the one where I have to explain why me and her aren’t getting back together). As much as Justine and I were a fixture for a long time, and in spite of the fact that the kids are still coming to terms with the separation, what has happened is for the best. I am not going to dis the ex, or reiterate all the reasons why I broke it off with her, or why she broke up with me but I will say that if we would have stayed together it would have been bad, like crossing the streams bad. And this is not to say that you shouldn’t be friends with Justine (I will never begrudge you this), or that some part of me still doesn’t have feelings for her but I look at the way I am now and the way I was when I was with her and, as Cocky would say, it’s truly terrifying. Put it like this (as my counsellor often does), if we had stayed together I would have ended up a shell of a human being, hollowed out, eaten up by extreme frustration and misery, waiting and hoping for some happy ending that was never going to arrive.

So, with all love and respect Nannas, do me a favour and let this topic alone, especially when I’m around: I really don’t wanna know and for all intents and purposes I am really trying not to care; a lot harder said than done. I don’t want to have to death blow you like I did my Dad. He’s still getting over it.

Well miracles do come true – the ball popped up in front of me just on our attacking side of the halfway line and the little baby jesus (blessed be his name) put the magic on my foot and I fuckingwell launched that son of a bitch back at those bastards with the force of a thousand suns exploding the fiery death of supernova nuclear fission power, the ball pretty much elongated into an ellipse with a molten point where physics failed and angels suffer ‘le petite morte’ and damn if that wasn’t a goal for the ages.

Then I fuckin’ mind fucked those kojaks from a set shot but the little ref fisted me so bad.

Perhaps the funniest moment was when their goalie was double nutmegged by a back pass, somehow he sort of lay down over the ball and put his arms on either side of it and then spread his legges to make the humiliation all the greater as it rolled into the goal like a slow vag stain – I think Andy may have flashed his cock at this ‘goalie’ at the opportune moment.

Cocky put one into the corner as only he can, and fuck me with the raw end of Donal Trump’s toupee if the fucking old 1-2s weren’t working. TRIANGLE OF POWER – PASS AND RUN NANNAS, PASS AND FUCKINGWELL RUN.

Started with a lovely hug all in.

2-7 Loss Vs Jalapeno Chinos

CB, RH (1), JH, DC, TK (G), TH, TW (1(MOM))

We lost, respectfully, to a team of skilful and fit young men who were prepared to sprint constantly for the full thirty six minutes. The only thing they lacked was more than a decade and a half of shit-talking, planning, meeting, beach boxing and many other bonding activities too numerous to mention. And that is why I have it on good authority that not only did…….. ok ok it was a very similar game to two weeks ago though I have to say I think we played a little better this time.

The first half there was classic Nanna’s running after the ball and running after  their man. How often do we see this?? Often I tell you. The second half had us regroup and saw us turn and run with our man. This kept the goals down in the second half and we played with pride.

I walked away from that game feeling pretty good. Feeling like we had done our best and were beat by a much better team. You can’t ask for more than that. It wasn’t until a few days later, and I am kind of wishing I got this report out much sooner, but it wasn’t until a few days later that some devastating news hit The Flurry. One of our long serving members was considering leaving The Nanna’s due to the abuse he felt he received on the court. I was very relieved to find out that on this particular occasion it was not I that flung the shit. I realise this is somewhat surprising and possibly those that were the flingers this time around only served to be the straw that broke the camels back.

However you want to look at it there there were some truths that came from the very sad and near resignation of one of our beloved brothers. He is correct in stating that there does need to be some attitude adjustments and I would be the first to admit that I am one of those that need adjusting. I have been doing my best over the last few weeks and will be continuing to try and curb my tongue on the court.

I do feel there can be room for some constructive criticism but we just need to find a better and more timely way of delivering that.

Hopefully we will see Jim back on the court before too long where he belongs. High and mighty. Or is it mighty high? The love does generally come out at the post game drinks, where we see to little of Jim these days, so we have to make sure there is enough love exuded on the court so we can all bask in the warmness of each other.

I suggest to get us in the mood that we should start each half with a big group hug. And maybe one at the end of the game as well to hug out any negative feelings.

Love and peace to all Nanna’s wherever you may be.

click to generate match report

Attendees: DC 1, JH 1 pen. (MOM), RH, TK, TW

Result: Nannas 2 plays Cussi Buttaes 10

Preamble
Five brave little Nannas showed up on this evening: one was feeling particularly pleased with himself; another was very poorly; two others seemed stuck on the status quo of talking tech; and the last, well, he still has balls of steel.

First half
A couple of their team were late, and the Nannas were feeling pretty good about themselves. This team is young, fast and skilful but we were holding them. In fact, we were doing much better than that; we had the better of the early exchanges and should have been ahead were it not for the two very soft goals we gifted them (by which I mean, one of the Nannas went and placed the ball in front of the opposition who was standing in a one-on-one situation with our keeper).
Cocky scored probably the solo goal of the season. He had three to beat: he went passed one, then another, and then a third, who was initially marking me but then had to deal with the Cock-threat. But Cocky was not to be denied, penetrating their goals with a strike of pure precision.
Yes, their goalie was again proving hard to beat (which makes Cock-wad’s goal just that much the better). As the Captain pointed out after the game, their shot stopper has a way of closing you down, making you try for something special to beat him. However, he did make one mistake by stepping outside his area to field a ball, which gave us spot kick. I duly buried it (even though I totally mis-kicked it).

Second half
So by this time, the opposition had their full complement, at least nine, one of whom was extremely gifted and extremely fast. I took to giving him at least a couple of metres space, which worked for a while until he started to find his range with his passing. It was about this time that the Nannas started to run out of legs. Of course, we did give them another one or two soft goals but they were just younger, faster and had a lot more subs, so a lot more fresh too (it should be mentioned here that Tao was playing on about half a body, due to illness in his family).
We toiled hard but couldn’t hold them and they scored about five or six goals in succession in as many minutes.

Special mentions
Kondo: a lot of great saves and fine distribution. Massive balls of steel.
Cocky: solo goal of the season (see above) and some fine defensive work.
Captain: stepped up with true leadership and some fine control in mid-field.
Tao: great stamina and endurance given his health and mostly encouraged the Nannas, which was a welcome change.
Jimbob: a great penalty, even if my foot wasn’t really sure where it was kicking the ball.

The cook
The cook is back. On this evening we went for impromptu Laksa and discussed the relative merits of sex with new people after being in a long-term relationship. I think the Captain and Cocky were a bit scared but Gilla would have loved it.

Attendees: DC, CG (MOM), JH (MOM), RH, TK, AW, TW

Result: Nannas 4 plays Dunno 2

My sincere apologies: this match report contains profuse negativity.

I don’t really know what was going on with the Nannas on this evening but they did seem a bit off. Maybe it was because I had just played another game with far friendlier and more capable teammates or our opposition had forfeited and we were playing a scratch match but whatever it was the Nannas were seriously shit and extremely lucky to win the contest.
Maybe this comes as a surprise but search your feelings Nannas and you will know it to be true.
Negatives:
• There is a little bit too much yelling going on. Yes, I know, I am as guilty of this as the next Browner but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NANNAS, STOP FUCKING YELLING AT EACH OTHER YOU DICKLESS, SHIT FOR BRAINS, TURD SUCKING FUCK-HEADS. FUCKING GROW UP WILL YOU! FUCK!
• There is a bit too much shit play going on. Again, I know I can’t say that I am immune from the odd shit pass or attempted move that is way above my skill level but there are a lot of instances where we just do really, really shit things and for no particular reason either.
• Also, if you get the ball and you’re the last Nanna, and then lose the ball, don’t turn around and start gesticulating at everyone like someone should have been behind you, saving your arse.

However, it was not all total shit; the Nannas, once again, did get over the line.
Positives
• Seven Nannas did again turn out for the game, which does seem the magic number for the Nannas to win.
• There were some truly majestic goals for the Nannas on this evening. Gilla is hitting the target a lot more these days—he just needs to work out which ones he is going to kick into the back wall (or the roof) and then reconsider shooting in these instances and pass the thing instead. The Captain is also on form, after a longer hiatus in front of goal than Wayne Rooney.
• If sometimes our attack and control of the ball is shit, then our defence is saving us. We are very tight at the back and our marking is pretty good.

Attendees: CG, JH (hat-trick MOM), TK (1), RH, TW

Result: Nannas 4 plays Dunno 5

And so to another season. God knows how many we have contested now but this one didn’t start out that well if we are going by commitment: Chassy still has a shit knee; Cock Wad arrived late and without any gear, so he Arse Coached; Coach was babysitting; and Andy was dating (or so he said but isn’t he married and shouldn’t any single Nannas get first dibs?). So it was a tight five, with the true Nanna A but I think these days we always need at least six or seven; we have a much better chance that way.

Random thoughts on the game:
• Goal of the season? All I remember was Tao had the ball on the right hand side of the court and I was running down the left. I yelled at Tao, who delivered the perfect ball (I never broke stride). Phil was slightly out of position and if I hit it first time I had a chance. I really don’t remember the contact at all; I just remember seeing the ball flying into the top left hand corner and thinking holy shit that was good goal. Kinda makes up for all those ones that went sailing over the bar.
• Are the Nannas starting to leave a sour taste in the mouth? The Nannas might want to consider how we are starting to look to others. Are we the fun loving dudes we used to be, or just a bunch of old, sore losers who go on with things for far too long (like after the game)? Now, I don’t want to point any fingers but even though Phil did handle outside the box and he was their last man and it should have been a penalty and the little ref missed it there is a time to let it go and say fair dues; you can’t live in the past, you need to snap to.
• Speaking of the little ref, does he hate us real bad? I am starting to think the answer is not real bad but bad enough. You would have to say that a lot of calls go against us, and if something’s fifty-fifty he usually gives the opposition the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this is just paranoia but I do reckon we have hung a bit too much shit on him (see previous point) and he just sees us as a bunch of old, bad sports that deserve to get to get decisions go against them.
• Did Phil let a few in? I had a sneaking suspicion that either Phil was off his game or he let in a few goals in on purpose. It’s hard to tell but I reckon one of mine and one of Takeshi’s may have been a bit soft (sorry Takeshi).
• Nanna aggression is back. Well, I am not sure it ever went away (maybe it was dormant because Tao had been sick) but we did see a few squabbles on court on Thursday and one yellow card if I remember correctly (to them, not us). It’s good to see that the aging Nannas still know how to rise to a challenge and can put a young punk back in his place.
• Cocky sets a new precedent. Yes, Cocky turned up for the game (a little late mind you), he was fit and healthy, and had no excuses. He sat on the sideline and cheered us on. Now, I for one gave him a vote because I thought, good effort, he loves his Nanna brethren, and will see us even if he can’t play. But what was his excuse for not taking to the court I hear you ask? Well, he was going skiing the next week and didn’t want to hurt himself. I am not sure how others read this but I wanted my vote back. And this from Cocky too, the standard bearer for openness and transparency within the Nannas. How the mighty have fallen.

Nannas 4 plays Dynamo Tehran 4

Attendees: CG, JH (hat-trick MOM), TH, RH, AW

This was the classic game of two halves, the first of which was dominated by the Nannas. In spite our age, our creaking bodies, our lack of numbers (which is all Cocky’s fault), and the fact that some of us thought that we were getting way too old for this caper, the Nannas have found something this season. The Nannas truly are on fire, and this first half was no exception. We were passing well, running into space, making the most of our opposition’s shit touches, and their shit attempts at attack. I really only remember once when the opposition opened us up, but the shot was way off target, so it didn’t come to anything and they came up empty handed.
The Nannas, by contrast, probably should have had four or five. We got two. The first was from Gilla who, left unmarked, ran his full measure out of his goals to unleash his left foot. Their keeper got in a tangle and could not stop it, earning a typical Gilla, goalie goal salute. The second was the patented Nanna sucker punch. Gilla threw long, I got my head to it and in it went. Gilla decided sometime after that just because he threw it, it was his goal but it did touch my head, and as I understand it, the goal belongs to the person who gets the last touch (so there Gilla). And that’s how it stayed until half time. 2-zip.
The second half started somewhat like the first with the Nannas again applying pressure, and we went further in front after we got a penalty just outside their D, and Rhian fed the resulting free kick to me to poke home. It hurt like hell on my busted toe but it felt good to get that kind of goal all the same. 3-0.
At this point, one of two things happened, and I am not sure which. It was either we took our foot of the gas because we were in front with about 12 to go, and we thought had the game sewn up, or it was because Cocky didn’t show up (because of some lame, whopping cock excuse), which meant that we didn’t have a sub, which meant we slowed up a bit. I personally like to think it’s all Cocky’s fault (which it probably was) but it could have been a mix of the two. But then again, Gilla did give them about three or four one-on-one shots after some particularly shit throw/kick ins (he saved all of these except one), and I did the same one time too (but he didn’t save the one off my shit kick in. Typical).
Anyway, whatever it was, once they got those couple of cheap goals, they got a sniff and really started to come at us. They got that one where I thought the ball was well out (because it was going well over my head) and that dude with the killer left foot headed it from right on our goal line somehow getting it over Gilla’s head and into the net from an impossible angle. Three apiece. From there they pushed and pushed and pushed, and finally got a fourth and all of a sudden we were behind 4-3.
It was here, with about four to go, there was another very slight momentum shift, when the Nannas decided to pull their fingers out. Somehow we didn’t concede again (which would have put the game out of reach) but with about two minutes to go, I think it was Tom or Andy that won the ball in midfield, releasing Hinkley into their backcourt. He only had the keeper to beat but he heard my call and fed the ball back to me with an open goal. I only had to tap home, which I did to make it 4-4. And that’s how it ended. The Nannas got out of Dodge.

The Nannas versus RAINMEN FC

5                vs              4

CG(G), JH 3, DC 1, AW 1, RH, TW.

“Don’t call it a comeback, we’ve been here for years” LL Cool J

With seconds remaining Jim Hannan put the ball in the top left hand corner of the net. The same place that he put the ball in the FIRST 5  seconds of the game. Truly for me to be writing this report tonight feels like a hollow victory for getting the mom. Having my child along for the game and her voting had NOTHING to do with this. The night had everything. We were down 2 – 4 at half time and I could not see were the next few goals were going to come from. I even asked that of the proud brown men. THey took it as an insult despite the reverse psychology nature of the statement. Looks like the goals did come.

Andy Wong is experiencing a purple patch at the moment. From scoring his first ever hattrick last week (in front of his not too impressed son) and this week Andy ghosted in to goals as I threw a long ball and then Andy, like Fred Astaire, flicked a back heel to put it in the side netting! Incredible goal. This levelled the scores with 2 minutes to go. It really was INTENSE. Poppy was saying that is was actually quite scary. The INTENSITY.
Going back to the quote from Ladies Love Cool James, we, the Nannas, have seen this sort of hurdle before. We have felt that kind of heat before. We have juggled this weight of expectations before. We are brown and proud. We prevailed again.

Looks like we got a new A team peoples. I gotta say, Tao is finding an inner calm that could only be found in the anus of BUddha himself. Tonight Jim not only got his first ever hattrick, but took more hits than a German porn site. At one point he thought his knee exploded, but then bounced back, to take one on the ankle. Tears did not stop the man. Rhian who took the hits in the past weeks is in great form floating on the wing, drifting in and out of erotic consciousness. THen we have massive Cock(y)….. its good to have the man back. He has been wandering like a minstral, but is back to add a little focus up front. Then there is Andy…. like I said. Purple at the moment.

The korhian was a fitting finish to raise a glass and acknowledge an INCREDIBLE come from behind victory.

Stay BROWN men.

Attendees: CG, JH (MOM), TH, RH, TW (MOM)

Result: Nannas 2 plays someone 3

So with the aid of hindsight, if I have bad news again, I will probably deliver it after the game. In some ways I don’t think it affected our performance that much but by the same token I do think it was a bit of a downer to start the night off on. I think when something like this happens it invariably brings up many questions and unexpected emotions. At the moment, given that this has been going for the last nine, ten months, I think I have gone through most of these emotions already, and now I am in the process of moving on. It is a hard time, and takes some getting used to but I think it’s going to be okay.
So it was in this environment that the Nannas took to the field. And it has to be said that we gave a good account of ourselves. After the first half we were ahead, with a nice goal to Tao. We did a lot of defending in that first stanza as they came at us again and again but we were good enough to repel them. They weren’t too bad, but the main thing they had against was youth, being a good ten years younger than us.
The second half was very much like the first, with the Nannas going further ahead courtesy of a fine move involving Tao and the Captain, which was nicely finished by Jim with a very sweet toe poke to the bottom right corner.
But from there, it all went downhill for the Nannas. We let in two very soft goals, the latter from very poor defending, and after that they were awarded a penalty, which on the face of it was very harsh. There was no question a foul was committed after Captain put one of his legs through an opponents from behind but the controversy centred around if the offence was committed inside the box or not. From this correspondent’s view it was the latter but the referee didn’t see it that way, and one of them duly stepped and put the score at 3–2.
And that’s how it stayed until full time. In short, we should have got them, and we will next time.
It has to be said that Gilla was somewhat unlucky not to get MOM. He really was in fine form, pulling out some very fine saves, throwing himself across his goals like a teenager. I think Tao deserved his MOM; I remember at one stage of the match thinking he was playing especially well. Tom and the Captain, well what can you say: they were pretty good, except Captain needs to work on his giving penalties away. And me, I think I just got the mercy fuck because of the big news (but I’ll take it).
Afterward, we went for Korean, a few more questions about the aforementioned news, and then gelati and pool.
It was a somewhat difficult evening but the Nannas really stepped up to show what true brothers they are.

2-3 Loss Vs Legz Akimbo

CG (G), TH, RH, JH (1(MOM)), TW (1(MOM))

Where to begin……….. Jim had very sad news but we wish him and his family well with all the love the Nanna’s can give. Sorry we couldn’t bring it home for you on this night Jim.

Korean made us happier. Liquid nitrogen ice-cream put a smile on our faces and a few rounds of pool helped finish of the night.

Gilla wasn’t happy till he got his milkshake.

1-5 Loss Vs Rainmen FC

RH (1), CG(G), DC, AW, TW(MOM)

This was he one we need to win hopefully with ease. Not having played these guys myself I wasn’t sure what to expect. The Nanna’s did, however, beat them convincingly in our last encounter but as we know all to well that does not mean a win the second time around.

It appears they had some extra players with extra foot work. From the outset they were running everything down. They played a frantic game that sucked us into their own style that put us off. Their defence was effective and ours was lacking. To often watching the ball and not running back with our men. Leaving Gilla open.

Some great saves, and one extremely lucky save kept their scoring down.

Gill went for the screamer, as we know he loves to do, and took out one of their players but as a result that player came down hard on Gilla’s finger and fully dislocated it. On seeing this I wanted to spew just a little. It was right out and on a strange angle. Gilla was calling for help, “Pull it out, someone pull it out”. On this grabbed his finger and tried to pull as best I could but both our hands being as sweaty as they were allowed for no grip. The ref had to step in and have a tug. POP was the sound we could here and a look of relief came over Gilla’s face.

Gilla then went off for the rest of that half, not that there was much left of it. Amazingly, and deserving of the MOM in my opinion, he came back out for the second half, with a bag of ice in damaged hand, and played on for the rest of the game and again taking out another one of their players.

Captain got the only goal with a lovely flick of the ball from a lovely corner pass from the Coach.

The second half was better for us but in the end we had to take some chances if we were going to have a chance and we were punished for it.

This team have now jumped up a couple of places to 4th on the ladder and we are equal with them on points but they have left us in 5th place on percentage. We have some work ahead of us gentleman if we are going to make the finals.

• We have to learn to play our game and not our opponents.
• Keep a strong defence. Follow your man not the ball.
• Make the most of throw ins and free kicks by not taking too long on the passes.
• There should always be a Nanna following the ball into goals hoping for the pass across or at least there to pick up the spoils should there be a fumble.
• Not be afraid of the short passes and passing backwards. We don’t have to go forwards all the time. Often this is when we lose the ball.

6-3 Win Vs Here For Beer

CG (G), RH (1), DC (3), TW (3(MOM))

Four on Four,

Do we need anymore?

No says Illy,

No says Ziggy.

With Captain and Goalie Gill,

Best Looking and Cocky, what a thrill.

3-14 Loss Vs Jelapino Chino’s

DC 2 (MOM), RH (MOM), JH, GA, TW (MOM)

It was a night to hang ones head in shame. 4 on 4 was the call. Basically this should make it still and even game. We were missing a dedicated goalie, not trying to blame anybody….. but, and we were pretty flustered by the lack of the 5th player.

Unfortunately for us this fact didn’t seem to bother our opponents in the slightest. The flew around us with ease and slammed goals in at will.

To help with the chaos our opponents had a ring-in for a bit and we got Phil. Then Guido turned up for the last 10 minutes of the game, after being stuck in traffic, their ring-in left and Phil then played for the other team.

Who’s on whose team?? Who’s in goals?? Are my legs still moving?? Ouch there goes another ball past me!!

3 way MOM a good refection of how hard it was to vote for anyone.

vs FC Dalles (1-2)
CB, DC, CG, RH, TH(Coaching)TW, AW, TK1 (MOM)

Brunswick again. It is good to be back in here. Something feels right in this building. The poster of Kendo has been upgraded. It must be running very strong here. I hope more of young Aussies lean the beauty of Japanese sword fight and the spirits.

The night was one of the very warm summer night. Humidity is high as East Asia and almost all Nannas were on bike.
We were super 7. In good shape and in the good mood.

The opponent did not have enough player and Phil joined to save them. Ref offered us 2 points at the start because opponent was late and under numbered. What can we say! honorable Nannas never accept this type of offer 🙂 so the score started as 0-0

The game was very even. CB and DC had great pass works and got the goal really close. RH and TW were taking good control in the middle field. AW brought up the ball from side line many time and had very beautiful shot close to the goal. We just did not have good open space to score the goal. In fact, the defence of the opposition was tight and did right thing to block us out.

The first half, we had better opportunities to kick goals than other team and dominating the field but we somehow could not get score. The opposition had 2 goals. One was own goal and Phil’s cheeky heal kick from close. I must say these goals were just unlucky thing. The lucky thing was I received a great pass in front of opposition’s goal last half. No hustle from defense so I had a second to watch the goalie and gave him a quick faint move. He jumped to right. So I kicked the ball to the left corner to get easy target.

I have learnt 2 most basic things from this. To hit the target, the most important thing is not the skill of shooting but the skill to get close to your high score range. FBI does not carry many bullets for this reason. I know a goalie recently did hattrick, If you practice scoring goals long enough, you can archive it one day soon.

Another big thing is “It is very easy to kick a ball without having nasty hustle from defenders.” You are right. Imagine how easy this could be done from close range. No one is giving you elbows.

All I mean is “We never ever give this most luxurious sweet moments to oppositions.” We lose score when the defense is one step slower, when the defense can not keep up stopping simple counter attack.

The Union hotel was awesome. Good beer and food.

MOM: Walmartin
Report: unposted

vs Delphios 8-2 (Victory!!)
CB MOM, TH, CG 3, DC 2, TW 1, RH 1, JH 1

The return to Brunny. Nannas on bikes. Well, Tao, Rhian and Jim at least. El supporting fresh from the salon. He literally “just stepped out of the salon”. Other unobserved natural phenomena all contributing to the resulting result. Product of the man-made world. Nanna victory!

I had just dropped Sol and two of his teammates off to Basketball training and was working on an old technique: Mind over matter. Thought over cartilage. I coupled that with a Gilly vision: walking football*. And it lead to victory, no injury and a MOM. Bit of a mercy MOM but a MOM nonetheless.

The opposition were pretty handy with the ball. Fairly skilful in fact. The kind of team that could easily take us down in a parallel universe. Another day, another time. May be if El had played hooky from Salon Du Val. Or Tao hadn’t ridden. Or those seagulls hadn’t flown over the gymnasium at 1800 hours.

Daniel opened the scoring with what may have been the FGINH (Fastest Goal In Nanna History) (pronounced Ef Gin, like engine but with an Ef). And that goal, that FGINH may have been the morale engine for the match. Or the cheat code. From then on, the game was unlocked for the Nannas. Everything slowed down by about 15% for us. For the opposition the game continued in Real Time.

Gilly had reason to purr, leaving his mark on the game with a hat trick before scampering back to his coaching duties. The cloying aftermath of his pungent penetrations staining the nasal passages of the opposition like a reverberant olfactory tinnitus.

And then there was the other team’s ring-in getting all aggressive with taozza. Taozza of course standing his ground with maximum purplish turgidity.

6-1 at the half and the Delphios were looking about as insignificant as their name. (Which Google told me is a small town in Ohio that no one has heard of and no one will ever visit even if they have relatives there they’ll just pay to fly them out to their house for Christmas cos no one goes there and even the people that live there don’t even know what the town is called just like the dumb arse ring in that got all up in tao’s grill and didn’t know the name of the team he was playing for).

Second half,  we got two goals to their one, finishing with an 8-2 victory. Technical term: a smashing.

Aprés: the new clubhouse, the union hotel. Hobbling distance. Great great great.

*www.theguardian.com/society/2015/feb/10/walking-football-wins-over-older-men-to-new-form-of-the-beautiful-game

MOMs: TH, TK

Reports: Unposted, Unposted

nb: JH posted Report Part I with incorrect date  – since corrected, well done Jim, that’s why you’re in comms.

Attendees: DC, JH (MOM), TH (MOM), TK (MOM), RH, TW
Result: Nannas 2 plays Lieutenants 12

Well shit, this was a pretty crappy way to start the new year. Yes it was a thumping, and yes the Nannas did get pretty tired pretty quickly, trying to rescue a lost cause in stifling conditions. Tao, pre-match, was talking up his pre-2000 lungs but I think he got his numbers mixed up somewhere, for he like the rest of us did struggle to keep up with our direct opponents, especially in defence.
In attack, we didn’t look too bad, our passing was pretty good, we had movement and when Tommy slotted in an early one from a fine move it looked like we might get a couple.
But then reality struck. While our defence was pretty solid from restarts, when we gave away the ball away they hurt us, and like a jilted wife they hit us where it hurts. Time and again, we would lose the ball in mid-field and before we could say, ‘get the fuck back you fat, bloated, slovenly brown pieces of shit’ they would be up the other end putting the ball in the back of Kondo’s net. The classic example was when we were deep in their half looking likely, when a pass went astray. They picked it up, streaming forward three on one. They had no trouble getting past our last defender, isolating Kondo and sliding one home.
It was a pretty shit night for our number two keeper, who must have been thinking to himself, ‘don’t give it away, don’t give it away, oh shit, they’ve given it away again, oh shit, here are those four angry looking men running at me again with not a Nanna in sight, oh shit, I just hope they don’t pass it to that guy with the massive, exocet missile boot on him again. OH SHIT!!!!!!!’ I know I would have been shitting my dacks but Kondo like the man of massive cast-iron balls that he is kept fronting up, kept trying to save our bacon.
Anyhow, after we went down about half a dozen in the first half we were beaten and never really looked like pulling it back. We did get a late goal, or, more accurately, they scored an own goal off a Tao corner but that was it.
Maybe this is wishful thinking but I do feel like we could be competitive with those guys if we held on to the ball more and put a few more men back in defence. Or maybe they are just deceptively good, lulling you into a false sense of security until all of a sudden you are down about ten without feeling you have played that badly. It’s probably the latter.

mom: Captain
report: unposted

1-4 v Glorious Leaders
8.40pm – Debney Park
CB, DC(m), RH(1,m), TK, AW – PT(r)

Five whole Nannas™ managed to make the game this week. Outrageous. So with the addition of new ring-in Paul we even had a sub, which was a good thing considering Chasby was playing with Oscar Pistorious’ legs and a spinal theatre injury and I was playing with 3 broken ribs. The early stages of the game saw some sloppy old-man-Nanna play and 3 soft goals go in. The opposition had some moves but not really the sort of moves to justify the scoreline. We were also slightly unlucky in front of goals with a number of shots hitting the metalwork. At half time Captain™ called for more intensity in our tackles and led by example with some extremely committed hustling at one pointing breaking a former ring-in’s toe (I know that pain…). Most Glorious Leader® also put away the only brown goal of the evening with the beautifully angled deflection of a pass/shot from the author. The game ended 1-4. Paul sustained a ‘groin’ strain which adds more weight to Frasay’s telekinetic reaching abilities. Kondo made some fine stops and was generally immense in Goals. Chasby’s lightness of foot belied his fugitive fitness and Wal put in one particularly sweet long distance backdoor cross-court trademark.

The Après found us drinking bargain 500ml bottles of Four Pines on a skanky rubbish littered bench in North Fitzroy. Dirty Dave-from-Carolina had the temerity to close shop early. The MOMs took photos with author’s Flash Gordonesque vaporising camera and proceeded to talk shit at the other Nannas until an old grandpa in his pyjamas came and (very politely) scared them off…

A long time a go in a galaxy far far away. The Nanna’s came head to head against a deadly force. It was a clash of good and evil, a fight to the death. It was a long and ferocious battle, bloody and sweaty. The Nanna’s were losing the battle, getting pummelled, but the did not give up. The come back started when Daniel Crooks, one of the five Jedi’s leapt ten meters into the air coming down behind the enemy and slew one of the four sith. We kept fighting and noticed that they were getting tired, but we were too. We kept pressing, then Tao saw an opening and went for the kill, but we were still losing the fight. I was in heavy combat with an enemy and was about to take a hit but Andy bravely jumped in front of me and got a nasty cut to his side. In the end, when we couldn’t take another step the sith fled. And the system was rid of 2 powerful sith. 

But I have a feeling that we will meet again. 

Match Report by Elliot Crooks

(ed: youngest Nanna debut at 13 years and 174 days)

Attendees: CG, JH (MOM), TK, TW,

Result: Nannas 4 plays Dynamo Tehran 6

Will the Nannas ever learn?
A great sports coach once said that you cannot play without the ball. In almost fourteen years of play, the Nannas still haven’t heard this, understood it or brought this basic of soccer into their game. It’s simple: if you keep giving the ball to the opposition, and you do not have it yourself, you can never be competitive.
Thursday night was another classic example. Whether it was our goalie constantly kicking it away, or one of our mid-fielders passing it to no one, again and again we gave the ball on a silver platter to the opposition and invited them with open arms to come at us, which they gleefully did.
On the face of it, the score line for tonight’s game does suggest that the Nannas were in the match but you would be wrong: we never had the ball; they were always in control. It was theirs to lose, never ours to win.

Where is the run going to come from?
There are one or two brown men (okay, most of us) that can hardly muster a trot these days let alone run at top pace, or do that for a full thirty-six minutes. Yes, as much as it hurts to say, the Nannas were consistently a good metre or so behind their direct opponents for most of this evening. They just couldn’t keep up.
And when we were in attack, well, let’s just say that there wasn’t much running around opponents or making darting runs from deep on goal.
I know the Nannas have done a lot of sprint work in the off-season but it really hasn’t helped and the truth has to be faced: the Nannas are getting old and slow.

Will the core of the side ever return?
The Nannas seem like a broken up band that reform only sporadically only to go their separate ways again straight after the gig. Yes once upon a time, there was a core side of Nannas that turned out every week. They were brave and true and lived for Thursday nights.
But the years have changed us. As they have rolled by the excuses have mounted, artistic pretension and work have gotten in the way, one moved far from the city and another overseas, and others, well, their bodies just fell apart.
Do you remember the full team sub, or the sub sheet?

When does a man know to quit?
Steven Waugh was once the greatest cricketer on earth. He brought the Windies back to earth, he flogged the Poms and then flogged them again, and he just loved to grind the Kiwis into the dirt. His ability was natural, his hunger for the game unsurpassed, his fight legendary. But then one day he found that he couldn’t do it anymore. It was like the bat had somehow become different in his hands and he couldn’t wield it like he once used to: he was getting old. Bowlers that he used to flay began to get the better of him. Crowds started hoping instead of expecting. Where once he was feared, respected and hated, suddenly he had become someone to shuffle along, to let a younger, quicker man take his place. The parallels with the Nannas are eerie.
Of course, most of us don’t really want to acknowledge it and we still think we are competitive mainly because of our supremely gifted keeper (keepers can keep playing until they’re fifty, mainly because they hardly ever run), who usually keeps opposition tallies to under ten (when most of the time they should be in the teens or twenties) but we never win anymore, or if we do it’s not like we ever string two, or three together. And the finals, when was the last time we made those? Was it three years ago, or four?
It’s a hard thing when a man doesn’t know it’s time to quit. Steve Waugh knew it, but didn’t want to admit it and he spent those last few years battling demons, his body as well as the quicks that bounced balls around his forehead and an ever impatient public. I say again, the parallels with the Nannas are eerie.

Does Brown always equal futsal?
The question has been asked before and it will be asked again: for the Nannas to remain the Nannas does futsal always have to play a part? Or put another way, will the Nannas still be the Nannas if we aren’t in a structured competition and called the Nannas by another team?
And what does happen when we can’t play soccer anymore, or if only one or two us can still play? Does one, two or three really constitute a full brown team? And let’s not fool ourselves; we are not far off this now.
The Nannas (apparently) have an upper management but if they were really managers (like real managers) surely there would be a succession plan in place. The business case would have been written already: the SWOT analysis would have been done, the case for and against argued and settled, the restructure taken to HR, the stakeholders consulted, the finances found.
Maybe it’s happening already, and it’s the calm before the storm, and they are just waiting for the right time to announce. I for one hope it’s sooner rather than later. I know the impacts will be great, and the shock will be felt far and wide, but it’s long over due and Upper Management knows it, well, they should.