Jim has pretty much said it all, well I’m assuming he has because his post looked really long (though I haven’t actually read it). So instead I have spent my time uploading a few old team photos… nothing special, but for the record – innit.

The Visitor Lights the Captains Fart
Old King Lion as backdrop
BPDP against the boards

But what is kind of special is the Nannas Ornaments font, a set of ornament glyphs (or dingbats if you prefer) based on the Nannas iconography. It’s not quite ready for public release but here’s a sneak peak (click image for the Character Map)… boom.

– – –

3-4 v Pornstars

GF (2 MOM), DC (MOM), TK (MOM), CG, JH (1),TH, AW

there’s not a lot I need to add to the visitors report (apart from how much it sucked to lose to these guys) so I’ll just add some date stamps.

the big news is the discovery of an elementary particle that would bear all the hallmarks of the Higgs Boson. I’ve tried wrapping my head around the numbers a few times with absolutely no success but there is a cool little animated ‘for dummies’ guide which i’ll try and fine the link for. | erm, what else. The 70-200 finally arrived and partially alleviated my buyers regret | The forum is in the doldrums | teh captain has returned from his carriage ride around ausrto-hungary | Chaspergers has headed to the old country with his son and heir | bestLooking took eldest daughter skiing for the first time, boom | The visitor got high mid portrait and then disappeared into a neutral vortex | It’s really freaking cold

3-1 v Th aHampton street Phase Wannabes
DC 2m, GF, CG gk, JH 1, TK

Ok, thank god the planets are back in alignment and I get to write a match report about winning… it was the Nanna A team… what else was going to happen. In fact it turned out to be quite a comfortable win for the super tight 5 Nanna A, quite in contrast to the last second arrival of the emasculator.

The tight 5 is the shcnizzle, especially against a team of phase wannabes who were lacking their regular goalie and really didn’t seem up for it. There was a bit of the usual argey bargey but nothing excessive, perhaps the fact that BestLooking wasn’t playing had something to do with it? The Nannas were stringing passes together and the first 2 goals fcame rom nice build up play including a couple of long cross-court passes. Both Kondo and Cheezles had clear opportunities and Jim powered 1 in from a free kick at close range. It was also good to welcome back Giller, fresh from high fiving Marion Goodman in Kassel and looking very large in goals. And finally to finish off, a mathematically elegant triangular MOM vote – 1, 2, 3, 4 and a super tight 5 for le coq sportif.

Should also mention the support – 3 young nannies, Otis, Poppy and Elliot.

Dinner was postponed due to said supporters and public transport issues.

date stamp:
Spain beat Portugal on penalties to progress to the final | the 70-200 ƒ2.8 II finally arrived with a dented box, a cloud of doubt and possible purchase regret | The Nannas have their first official apple developer… look out for the MOM voter in the itunes store any day now | Poker this saturday, there’s some big talk so let’s so who does they walking…

2-6 v Red Peppers
CB ass, DC 1 mom, GF, JH 1, TK, TW

In a strange turn of events I’m writing a match report after a game we didn’t win, so there goes that opening line, but we could have won it.

The Nannas™ started brightly with some nice ball holding and movement around the court. The Red Peppers (apprently – but they looked just like St Kilda, the opposition from the last grand final (that we were in)) are a very skilled team, in truth a couple of orders of magnitude above the Nannas™, but we were well and truly holding our own. They got the first but we pulled level with an acrobatic lob from the author. Turns out jimbob was putting in a lofted pass to Andy in the far left corner but I jumped like a gazelle, poached it from mid air and somehow guided it into the top right corner of the net. The Opposition got another just before half time but the Nannas were in a fighting spirit. The Ass coach was doing a fine turn as the inspirational coach and we led into the second half full of ambition. A wee way in we were level through the powerful left foot of big Jim. It was looking good, then something happened and … what for it… the nannies folded ? yes indeed. I’m not quite sure what happened, we were still playing pretty well but they just keep putting them in the net, Kondo was left on his own at the back a few too many times but even so, it was odd. ah well.

after the game we went to Korea, no one was eating, well maybe a little snack, well actually maybe a full meal of bbq meaty good times. dang that shit is super fine…

date stamp: talk of Japan 13 is on the table – Tao is also talking Mt Hotham but there is currently no snow – Hamiltonian Paths are the shit – the 70-200 II still hasn’t arrived – smoke detectors are threatening to confound the poker night

10-6 v The Legacy – Wesley
CB2, DC6m, GF, JHgk, RH, TW1, AW1

A mighty victory for the Nannas™.

It seems I start all my match reports theses days with “it’s been a long time between wins for the Nannas” and again this is how I should start. The old men of nanna, OMON, have been on a bit of losing streak but that streak came to an abrupt halt this evening. Well, in truth it wasn’t that abrupt. At one point we were 3-5 down and it was pretty easy to see how the game could end 4-7 or the like. But that wouldn’t have been a fair reflection of the Nannas’ efforts. They were, if not on fire, then at least very very warm. Jim was in goals with his new bike gloves, 3 beers and a couple of reefers under his belt. Apparently he had forgotten that the captain usually steps into the 4th string goalie position (and that was even before the pre game festivities). After a few soft goals he pulled it back together and kept a near clean sheet for the second half, not to mention some excellent distribution and not once kicking the ball into the wall at the opposite end of the court. Cheezles Jafrezzi, equally inebriated and thankfully not in goal, did a fair imitation of being on top of the situation before later admitting he was too hammered to see the ball for most of the first half. The author managed the incredibly rare feat of the double hat-trick. The numbers flatter him as their golie was crap and 2 of the 6 were tap-ins from some excellent assist work from Tao and Wal. Chassy was running hard and hade to deal with a number of over enthusiastic challenges (and the chastisement of his brothers) while banging in a couple of sweet shots, the first an instinctive left from an initially saved right… tasteful. The nannas passing game was also well and truly on display, the Captain, the Best Looking Nanna and the Walmartin at the heart of some very pleasing triangles, 1-2s and even some 1-2-3s…

Perhaps it was Jim’s scathing report from last week, possibly the absence of the Coach and The Funky Nanna, maybe the opposition having a really crap goalie, or perhaps merely chance, whatever the reason the sun was out and the Nannas shone! yay.

post match there was some confusion about who was cooking. without the coach to guide us (in fact we had to call him and interrupt hannah’s birthday celebrations) we went to Prudence and listened to Cheezles justify his only-child-like purchasing of pints, ate heavily cheesed and tardily delivered pizza, dicsussed topics of which i have no recollection and left smelling of long since smoked cigarettes…

timestamp: Transit of Venus, Nanna Forum kicks in and the Log Log™ goes viral, Logo V2 nears ratification – new hoodies should be sometime this decade, ARB cuts rates due to grim european economic outlook, Mit Romney nominated as republican candidate, Daenerys Targaryen gets her dragons back, le Coq Numerique orders an 8 bay raid for storing the flood of data from his Epic and also a freakin’ monopod !

5-3 v hyderoos
CB 2 m, DC 1 m, JH 2, GF, CG gk

A mighty win, a mighty freakin’ win !

Man, it has been a really long time between wins for the ageing men in the poos and wees strip. Why has it been so long ? and what was so different on this occasion ? The obvious reason is that Nanna A turned up reversing the recent lack of cohesion due to inconsistent numbers and a near total lack of game fitness. But the TRUE reason is Scrotal Shaving.

Guy had been talking it up for days on the flurry and there was much discussion in the one-car-drove. Turns out Guy didn’t actually employ a razor, instead using scissors to reduce his ‘bush’ to a 3mm stubble. Now what is most interesting is that chassy, perhaps the most well groomed member (no pun intended) of the nans revealed that he had never partaken in pubic pruning. Imagine his shock andsubsequent intrigue when he learned that the striker had, from time to time, thinned out the manly nether forest. I can’t quite remember the details of Chassy’s questioning but, alarmingly, I do remember the phrase ‘sexual pleasure’ being used. Good God man, do you really want to drive that sort of traffic to the Nannas™ blog ?! Suffice it to say that we all learned a thing or two on that drive, mainly regarding the dimensions of guys bush (or was that only Giller and I later in the evening…?).

so… the game. Chassy, all fired up on thoughts of bald scrotums punched in a couple of early goals. Frasay (or should that be Shaun ?) was running diametric to the game plan but still managed to find himself in plenty of spaceq with some excellent positional work…get it. Jim, though drunk and high, put in a barn-storming turn; hustling , menacing and even scoring with his head ! Giller didn’t have much to do in the first half but came into effect hard in the second half, particularly near the end when he rolled his impressive girth onto the flimsy toothpick-like leg of the striker, cue hyper extension of the knee joint and the nans down to 4 men. Weathering a late assault with a man down is never easy but the nans acquitted themselves most admirably and ran out deserved winners.

Post match saw Jim dropped at parliament, Chassy dropped at home for an early departure (full kudos for playing) and Giller, Shaun and the author heading to Joes for pizza, beer, blonde and shaun talking bush.

5-7 v ?, Melbourne Girls’, 9.20pm
CB, DC 4, GF, CG (gk) 1, RH, TH, TK
mom DC

A curious game this one. APISC pulled a late venue change on us with the game shifting to Melbourne Girls College*. A time change also proved an arse for Jim who was forced to get high and catch a train to regional oblivion. Giller on the other hand made the late pull-in, bringing our number to 7. The excitement of the generator bikes in the foyer soon wore off when we realised that there were no spare balls for a warm up, but it was okay for the Reach-around™ as he had worn some tights. A rather soft goal was conceded by the Nannas not long after kickoff but we soon stormed back into the game. Some magical cross court passing lead to the first, followed by a free kick and something of a solo run by the author. Giller was playing some lovely square balls early on but then started to kick them around a little too much for the coach’s liking who, in quite uncustomary form, yelled at the goalie… a lot.. all the way to the side line after the half time whistle blew.. and still kept yelling. Early into the second half we nicked another but were 4-5 down before Giller finally hit the target. the equaliser is always a rejuvenating force but by this stage the nannas were getting tired and the defence was beginning to gape. The man in tights was really starting to sweat, the captain was taking some wild punts, the coach was yelling ‘Fraser’ and pointing a lot, it was heading south fast and we shipped two more before the final whistle… ah well. Unusually, yet luckily for the author, his 4 goal haul was enough to pip Giller by a single vote. Then Chassy of the Triple Crown® took us to some crazy Shanghai genre mashup inspired diner disco in the arse end of Little Collins. Bong Mist was there which made it seem cooler than perhaps it was. We drank beer (except the coach who had tap water (which according to Guy is still technically mineral water)), talked about movies (Guy was there), Rhian gave props to the new museological show at acmi (well actually that was in the car on the drive to Melbourne Girls’), I tried to convince Tom that it is actually spelled reamde and isn’t just a design thing, we ate some chips and calamari and completely forgot to discuss the style guide for the blog, which was annoying.

* it was noted that a nanna progeny may be attending said institution to receive her secondary education

3-4 vs V J F.C @ Wesley
DC[2,mom], CB, RH[gk 0.75 of 2nd half], TW[1], AW[gk 0.25 of 2nd half], Phil [1st half only, GK]

Nearing the end of July and I think this was only the author’s 4th game on court for the year! Ass coaching is all well and good (I was actually surprised at how receptive to a bit of ass coaching the Nannas are) but nothing beats being on the court of battle itself. Damn it is good. Winning is even better but just playing is at least 93% of the good times, and that’s not even counting the GHBG™ or even playing well. Actually maybe that’s a bit lower… In numerous studies the GHBG has been shown to improve situations by at least 10-15%. Feeling as though one has played to the best of ones abilities must be around 10% and let’s say winning is another 10% that leaves 65-70% good times just being on the court… and I was feeling it!

As to how things played out… well, we should have had them. We started the game sans all 3 experienced goalies which meant Phil started in goal. He was doing a sterling job but relinquished the role at half time due to an apparent conflict of interest ? The captain (4th string) stepped in and also did pretty well before stepping aside for the Walmartin to finish off unbeaten. Chassy operating on a dubious ankle managed to have his big toe broken early into the piece. An early penalty was very generously offered to the the author by the Captain, who had forgotten how freaking stressful they are, he aimed to slot it into the bottom right instead kicking it straight down the middle, where the goalie had thankfully moved. We had a few more chances. The author ran into a lot of dead ends, The opposition fumbled in a couple of ugly ones, and that was that. almost.

Then Tao took as to Long Play. We had crumbed cutlets, rib-eye on cauliflower and fennel, white anchovies and some true school mushroom gnocchi. Everyone else drank overpriced imported beers with nice labels but It’s The Winter of the Dark Beer® so I tried the Coopers Stout which was largely underwhelming. The fruity White Rabbit Dark Ale definitely has more to offer… unfortunately for Tao Chassy believed me when I said the steaks cost twice as much as they did. The beers were pretty expensive and the ratio appalling but it was overall a very enjoyable experience and I should definitely have given Tao a 5 instead of the 4 I did, Sorry Tao. You should have done Andy’s post vote spruik pre !

It should also be noted that 5 Nannas in one car drove. The captains bar is beyond compare !

It should also be noted that in the flurry this week: “Of all the questions the Nannas have faced, despite its apparently innocuous veneer, is this the most deeply profound and philosophically perplexing?”… stay tuned.

no stats available apart from DC(4,mom)

well yes, it is with some degree of shame and embarrassment that I write this report almost three weeks late. The small matter of an extended south pacific sojourn coupled with patchy internet access and a liberal view of the posting rules is wholly to blame (the disrespecting of the flurry is another matter entirely, the blame for that lays solely at the feet of the authors flaky webmail server, well most of it, that and the super dodgy telcos operating in the relative third world nations of Aotearoa New Zealand and the Republic of Fiji Islands (and the Piña Coladas)).

Anyway, enough fleshing out of match reports with extended excuses. The game itself was pretty good as I recall. We won the first half big time and only lost the second half by a bit, leading to a net result of the Nannas™ up something like 7-4 (maybe 7-5) at the final whistle. The only thing that really stands out from the match in my post plural Piña Colada memory is the early contender for GOS (goal of the season). Giller, reading a run from the author, throws the perfect long ball towards the right corner. Arcing over the authors left shoulder the ball drops invitingly for the half volley. With acres of space the sensible thing would have been to try and control the ball and get closer but fvck it, why not have a whack. By pure fluke the strike is as sweet as the proverbial nut leaving the goalie rooted to the ground as the back of the net billows… Tight is Right®

from the depths it came.

erm… I have not had much sleep this week and the most extreme cortisol levels that is a miracle i even remember playing. As such i can’t remember the team or the score. I do remember that i played a whole lot better than the week before when i played like shit, well apart from the copious assists Jim so generously mentioned in the previous report. To return the favour i would note that Jim was hitting some of the sweetest sounding shots in a long time. You know, when you can just hear how sweetly the ball has been struck, something to do with physics and the massive real-time acoustic modelling being done in the brain, unfortunately someone seemed to get in the way every time and those sweetly struck balls would simply not go in. Finally Tao laid off a sitter for Jim to tap in… Erm what else … Shit, I really can’t remember much. the art Fair opened last night and my nervous system only narrowly escaped a full collapse leading up to it. I seem to recall Kondo and Andy Wong were on fire… the cross court passing was all over that shit… The Coach punched one in from the left with a ferocity that belied his signature languid style… … … yes… I better get ready now. Last game before the man weekend.

time stamps: esme turns one, art fair 2010 opens, gillard slumping in the polls, rudd speaks, rhian updates the mom voter, tao refuses to eat oysters, hollywood evaporates…

MAN WEEKEND HERE WE COME !!!!!!!

4-4, v ?
AW, CG(g), TH, TW(1), DC(3,m), CB, JH, RH

I think Tao summed it up perfectly, they deserved to win, but we definitely deserved to draw !

The game started off with a radical reformation of the 9 man sub system by the Coach that was very nearly scuppered by the late Arrival of Andy and Issy. Tao scored the first with a nicely angled shot, I’m a bit hazy on where their goals came in the chronology but lets cut to the 3-1 score that wasn’t in out favour, but we fought and somehow clawed it back to 3-3. With about 4 mins to go they got a soft one which after all the hard graft to equalise was a real knife in the guts. Then with seconds to spare we won a corner. tao stepped up to take it, Tom was yelling at the author to “get in there, cocky”, but he was timing his run, Tao looked set, the author took off thinking it’s never going to happen, but the opposition came off their lines and a corridor just opened up, Tao slotted it perfectly across goal where it was met by a Nanna boot… Equaliser ! so good.

Then Wal took us to Gigi Baba via the Grace Darling (where they were playing the Stone Roses) for one of the finest after match meals the Nannas have had to date. so good.

2-3 v Esperanza
DC(2,m), CB (m), TH, RH, JH, AW, TK

Was a while back now and my memory isn’t helping much. it was the B semifinal so not much to play for except pride, but the Nannas™ have more than enough pride being King Lion and all, and obviously the King must have eaten earlier as there wasn’t much hunger see MR 091210 for more on that theme.

Erm… here’s how Jim summised the game, taken from an email;
“We came in a gallant second last night. 3-2. Cocky got two superb goals and Chas was supreme in d, being justly deserved MOM winners.We were plucky, we were brave, but they got us the end. Dolph was big.”

The Captain cooked and we went to Thy Thy 1 for dinner which was very good.

suspected suicide bomber sighted on the grounds of Wesley College.

2-1 v ?
DC(1,mom), CG(1,gk), RH(c), CB, TH, AW, TW, JH,

erm… well yes. I guess a lot can be said for second best votes when there’s a few nannas voting. Thank you my brown brothers.
Overall the game was pretty average really. personally I felt we should have beaten these guys by about 6 goals but I was mocked for this view so perhaps not. Chassie was back which added pace and commitment to the nannas game, as well as a quadruple Code Violation™, the first for a red card after assaulting* the opposition goalie. Speaking of goalies, Giller scored another and now has the strikers trophy firmly in sight, but as such has increased his shots-on-goal:passes-out ratio by several orders of magnitude, ironically (or not) this didn’t have much effect on the game because a) half the shots weren’t on target and b) the forwards were so crap they didn’t do anything with the passes they did get. The only other goal came from the authors back, style, not ! The coaching was very fine from the Captain, who shall hopefully be returning to active duty this week. Wal’s positional play as always was spot on, Jim had a couple of fine cracks, Thomas was everywhere and Tao laid off a couple of tasteful and uncommonly early passes.

but more importantly, chassis took us to a pub that was closed, left the car door open and then spilled 2 beers and a soft drink in gillers lap.

but even more importantly,

20 July 2000

the very first day of brown pride has been finally and unequivocally established. Through the use of email searching, whale sperm and oxide of manganese the official date of the Nannas first ever game has been once and for all set in stone.

jesus, I almost forgot about vajazzling…c/o the beChassler

jim“I am dying to look at this but can I do it at work?”
tao “Sure you can. I did. I’m just cleaning up my desk now. You don’t want to work there any way Jim.”
andy “Make a small fire in the bin. Fire alarm sets off. Everyone evacuates. Jim goes on-line.”
tom “but for the Nannas night out I think we need scrotinseling”
chas “the bling minge, first cousin to the blanc mange!”

and as a date stamp I give you this, also from chassis… turn up speakers before pressing play. Also note chassies shirt in the team photo below.

1-2 v Esperanza
CB, DC(1,mom), CG(gk) JH, RH, TH, AW, TW, TK(coach)

It wasn’t my first thought but I did consider doing a hack job of sticking some nannas faces onto the morbidly obese (but happy) young ladies above. I decided not to for a couple of reasons. a) there were only four ladies and it would be mean to single out individual nannas, I suppose I could have made two headed nanna lady monsters… b) I didn’t really have time.

anyway, the reason I have included the figure above is to illustrate what I felt was the main failing of the nannas on this glorious night. The first Grand Final the nannas have seen in a long time saw a team that was simply not hungry enough. I was going to put another image here of a terrifyingly scrawny girl to illustrate the hunger of the opposition but it was too disturbing. Anyway, suffice it to say that they wanted it more. The nannas had some moves, some passing, a few saves, a few shots, but they didn’t have the fire, the drive, the were living just a little too large.

and if you don’t watch it this is what happens when you live too large…

3-4 v (insert opposition team name here)
CB, DC(3,M), CG(gk) JH, RH, TH(ch), TK, TW, AW

we may have lost in the dying seconds but it was a fine game played by the nannas this eve. Andy and Takeshi were vying for my mom votes early on with some fine positioning and delicate footwork, Wal taking full kudos for going a couple of 50/50 balls with Dolf Lundgren. Chassy and Tao put in some meticulous passing, but for me, the captain’s fancy pants foot skills on a couple of occasions were the icing on the cake. Sometimes those cute moves really don’t come off (especially in front of our goal) but tonight the chi was flowing and the magic was happening, the cute was gold. As to the goals, they scored a couple of softies, and one other which I can’t remember. 3-1 down the nannas clawed it back only to have a draw snatched from their grasp, ironically, by a patented nanna set piece, the glancing header from the long ball. bugger.

from there it was straight to the Jam Factory for some of the special good times only delivered by Brassy Mr Springy™. And from there it was straight into the depths of Roland Emerich disaster blockbuster 2012. Having long been an avid disseminator of the 2012 prophecy I was pretty into the perfectly choreographed cataclysmic CGI mayhem… and given how high i was at the start I was even finding some of dialogue ‘interesting’. Then, as is the way with all such movies, the CGI balloon burst and we fell crashing back to shit fest island… ah well, chassy has promised some inaccessible french art house full of self destructive high breasted brunettes the next time he cooks… yay!